my mother who is 88 yrs old cries all the time and gets mad at me a lot. she is really hard to deal with. i try to help her everyway i can but she seems like she's always mad at me. for instance she called me today crying that her cat was sick. all i told her i didn't know what was wrong i was not a vet she got mad and hung up on me. help as i am a only child and this situation is getting really unbearable.
Remember the old saying: "If you let the mind wonder it will." Try not to let the mind wonder, keep it busy. Sometimes when we get older the mind acts like a child. When "teachers" have a young child crying, unrulely, or anything else we "RE-DIRECT THEM". Get their mind on something else, have them do something that will "help" them forget their external problems.
Probably nothing is 100%, but you can try these small adjustments for little or no cost. Good Luck.
You: "I don't know, mom. I'm not a vet.
Really? You can't figure out why she would be hurt?
You know you wouldn't have said that to a friend. A much more appropriate response, one you WOULD say to a friend, would have been, "Aww, poor Scruffy. Is he throwing up? Does he still romp around the house? Give it a few more days. Kitties sometimes go off their feed . . . maybe she'll start eating again." And to your mom, same thing followed by, "If he's not better in a few days, how about we take him to the vet?"
Honestly ask yourself why you didn't give her the gift of showing you care. I think you reacted that way because you've "had it up to here." You feel over-burdened and helpless to fix it. Especially the part about her crying all the time. It's not easy seeing our moms so sad. It's gut-wrenching.
How about going with her to her next doctor's appointment and sharing her emotional responses with him? He may suggest a mild anti-depressant. I really think, if she begins to feel better about herself, so will you.
*Hugs*
Patience. The mantra of a care giver. ;)
They do become children as they get older and need more affirmation and comforting. I try real hard to tell myself that it could be me and they would be as kind as possible if tables were turned. It's hard.
Please, please, please get some kind of help for you with your mom. Those three months lead to a mini-breakdown for me and I'm just now starting to feel strong again. I did the typical only child thing: I can do it, I'm okay, I don't need any help right now. I did have some help at the beginning but when she came home it was tough caring for her and my dad. To his credit, my dad was somehow able to pull it together when she came home and he was really helpful. But it's still overwhelming. Then things around the house started to fail (roof caved in from water damage) and I was spent. I had to go back home (Chicago) and help from here. That's even worse since you don't really know what's going on and they often lie - not in a mean way but in an I-don't-want-to-worry-you way.
Trying to work and take care of them long distance screwed up my job performance and I ended up going on medical leave. Anyway, I'm much better now :) and I've learned a lot of ways to help deal with the stress. If you're not seeing a therapist try finding one who will help you with stress relief options and as someone you can just vent to. I've learned a lot and if/when this happens again I'll be more prepared. I can't guarantee I won't get frustrated and snippy but I do think it will take a lot more for that to happen. And I don't think I'll break down again. I really hope not!
There are some very good comments - taking it step by step, one thing at a time is good advice. It sounds to me as though your mother is scared - maybe you can help her feel better and then it will be easier for you, too.
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