I helped my mom move closer, because she had no family close. She was 65. I about killed myself doing everything with her... Shopping...I included her in all my activities, shopping, errands and time spent with friends. I offered to go with her to activities that may be of interest to her, to help her make friends of her own, but she refuses. She makes comments guilting me about visiting her....like.... Telling me she has been a shut in?! I have distanced myself from her because I no longer enjoy being around her. I feel guilted in to spending time with her. I call everyday... I try to get her out once a week. I can tell she would love for me to come over all the time and she would be happy tagging along with me and my friends, but that is not fun for me. I have always volunteered for different charities.... I feel like she wants me to give up everything and just take care of her. I also have a family of my own... A twelve year old daughter....my husband works out of the country. I am responsible for all the parenting, bills, home, yard...... And my now 70 year old mother. Yes in 5 years she has sat in her home doing nothing. It drives me crazy.... I have friends her age, who act so young??! I mentally drained... I tell myself it is her choice to sit by herself and I should not feel guilty.... Still she makes me feel that way. I am a good daughter.... I can't be responsible for her happiness..... I feel bad when I think of her now... I can't even talk to her Or be honest with her. Feels good just to write about my situation...... Any advice
What did your Mom do prior to moving closer to you? Did she work outside of the home? Do volunteer work? Does she wish she could have stayed in her previous location? Did she leave behind good friends, etc? It's not easy to make new friends in a new location unless she can be around others of her own generation.
Does Mom drive? Get her interested in doing volunteer work. I am your Mom's age, I do volunteer work every Saturday morning at the local regional hospital. Love it :)
I am single without children, so I've had to make my own friends and find my own social circle. Your mom can do the same if she makes an effort. It does take work.
Your mom needs to make her own life and not depend on you for entertainment. It will only get worse if you let her be an emotional vampire. Encourage her, but don't get enmeshed with her and her emotional needs. Maybe she needs counseling? Has she always been like this? Have her check out meetupdotcom for groups in your area that she might be interested in. Join a library book club. Volunteer. But you already know all of that from your post. Let your mom find her own way. You sound like a loving daughter and she's lucky to have you!
So, sing this out loud, to your mom, without her there of course:
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need!
Most of us do not get what we think we want, thank God. And talk to the other family preemptively about the whole thing. Just think - a whole conspiracy to deny mom what she thinks she needs, and get her back into living a little while she still can.
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