My mother (now 84) has lived by herself since my parents divorced 40 years ago. Historically, we have never been close and my sister, who lives three states away, hasn't talked to her in 25 years (lots of family baggage). I live 70 miles away, call her weekly, have groceries delivered weekly, and visit quarterly (which is usually unpleasant b/c she doesn't want me there). She is bitter, angry, and housebound...also illiterate. The last couple of months her rage has increased greatly, especially when I ask her questions about work she is having done on the house. She can't read contracts and she just signed a big one to have foundation work done on her house. She can't answer questions coherently and I see large check amounts clearing her account. I haven't pushed it because she is truly not a nice person and I'm hurt and bothered with her anger toward me when she lashes out. I'm afraid she is going to run out of money and, honestly, that I am going to have to take care of her, which would be hell! I have POA. Can I become a gatekeeper for her financial spending? She would not support this as she feels she is capable and on top of things. What can I do?
I know you said you haven't really discussed this with her but if you're concerned that she's going to run out of money that is something that needs to be discussed. I suggest putting something down on paper, something she can look at and refer to. For example, her monthly income vs her monthly expenses. And by all means include the expense of having her home repaired.
Good luck.
The bigger problem is prying the checkbook away from mom. My guess is it will be an epic battle.
Given your family history you could also walk away. Having poa does not compell you contractually to take over her affairs. You could notify the local authorities of the situation and step away.
Easier said than done, I know, but this could be a huge and messy undertaking. I control my folks affairs via a poa. They are sweet old folks but it ain’t no picnic.