I found this info on the internet.
Disinheriting other beneficiaries - If the original owner adds one child to an account but has other children they want to inherit the account, then by adding one and not all of the children's names the owner will have effectively disinherited all of the other children. And even if the surviving joint owner agrees to give the other children their fair share of the account, care must be taken to avoid any gift tax consequences.
We figure that if there is enough in the account when mom dies, Sis can take us all to a nice restaurant. Otherwise we'll go to MacDonalds and raise our plastic Coke cups in a toast to a great mom.
Mom "loans" money to the brother who is disabled. All the rest of us are glad we don't need that kind of help, and we'd never expect him to repay the loans. The amounts are small, to get him out of pinch when his car breaks down, etc. She is not supporting him -- she couldn't affort to.
None of us have ever expected to inherit anything, except items of sentimental value. The more I read these forums, the more I am very, very glad about that.
With my older sister and me, it's the hurt that Mom caused by not giving us any legal role. My younger sister, Mom and I HAD WORKED OUT and MOM AGREED to how ALL three of us could have a role between POA/HCPOA/Executor, and the attorneys office (my younger sister's bankruptcy atty's office - for 14 yrs - gotta love that) questioned if MOM REALLY wanted to make all those changes and Mom felt intimidated and backed out and put younger sister on EVERYTHING.
My older sister and I have always been responsible and caring and kept in touch with Mom regularly and etc, we feel like we've been rejected as 'unworthy'. Mom really does not understand AT ALL how much she hurt my older sister and me. She doesn't understand at all that she inadvertently disinherited us. Funny our younger sister said in an email that 'Mom would never reject you'.... gee guess what.....
The question I always come up with for myself is: Where is the love?
Of course family dynamics are always exacerbated by stress.
This is more a psychological issue than a financial one that I am very much interested in exploring further....
I know that her putting my youngers sister(POA) on the account was FOR CONVENIENCE ONLY and I know deep inside that my mom did NOT COMPREHEND what that would mean for her 'estate', I know deep inside that Mom would not 'intend' to disinherit my older sister and myself.
My older sister and I love our mother very much, we are also very hurt.
My father always insisted that EVERYTHING would be divided equally among his children, He was adamant about this, -specifically to avoid the pain we are discussing here. His Will explicitly backs this up.
However, for convenience sake, he added my sister's name to his account as "Joint Tenant With Right of Survivorship" (so she claims -but will not allow me to verify without a court compelled accounting), leaving me out completely.
His accounts were fairly large.
To make matters worse, I am sole caregiver for our mom, who is NOT a part of the estate (divorce) and I desperately need my share to continue to care for mom at home, I get NO help at all from my sister or anybody, and the frustration of having to try and give mom the best possible care on her small budget alone, while knowing that I should have so much cash coming to me is starting to have a bad effect on my role as caregiver, it makes it all so much more difficult and heart-breaking than it already is or than it has to be.
What was intended as a loving gift that my father was so proud to be able to give to me has become an infuriating, hurtful, frustrating and crazy-making burden due to my sister’s petty greed.
I will continue to slog through with mom's quality of life as my priority, and try to put the pain of the problems with dad's estate aside. I just can’t afford, financially, mentally, or emotionally, to face a long, expensive painful court process right now, but I do plan to proceed against my sister as soon as I can, if only to stand up for myself and my rights, and to defend my father’s final wishes.