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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Yes indeed my mom does the same thing. Like the other folks who've responded, I also remove myself from her presence (we live in my home) and tell her I'm not playing this game and go do something else. She'll stomp around, give me dirty looks and pout but soon recovers and everything pretty much goes back to normal (well, MY normal is no slamming stuff around and quietness!). The "36-hour day" book about alzheimer's and other dementing illnesses really helped me out with why folks with Alzheimer's and dementia do what they do regarding behavior.
Alwaysmyduty, I'm sorry your mother reacted the way she did when you removed yourself from a potential argument with her. It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself and have a realistic attitude about the situation. Both my mother and my father have behaved in irrational ways toward me, in certain cases painting me out to be the villain. That hurts a lot, I know, when you're doing all you can to help them. So I try not to take it personally. This is one reason why I think this website is helpful to caregivers....we can talk to others who "get it" and understand.
I know the situation with my mother is not the norm, we've never gotten along and trying to care for her proved a huge challenge. Those arguements got so old and so mentally draining. One evening I stopped by after work and she threw the bait. I was tired and told her I was leaving and for her to think about what she was trying to do and prove. Two days later, I got a call from her medical alert company telling me mom needed help. So I drove like a maniac to get to her,found the oxygen tube unplugged from the machine. Don't know if it was deliberate or not. Asked her why she didn't call me,said she didn't think I'd talk to her since I left the other day(throwing the blame on me). I reminded her of my job projects (we'd discussed). I said while I'm here let me have the checkbook so I can pay your bills. She hemmed and hawed, then told me she'd asked the paid caregiver to take her to the bank.She removed me from the joint account. That was my punishment for not taking the bait that night. I know this probably doesn't happen often, at least I hope not because it didn't feel too good to get hit with the news that my help was no longer wanted. I guess all I'm trying to say is do not take the bait but watch out if your mom leans towards the vindictive side.
I don't know if you live with your mother or not, but it is certainly easier to avoid taking the bait for arguments if you can leave her house for a time. So I would say if you don't live with her, use your ability to remove yourself physically from her presence, in order to help you to detach. This doesn't mean you can't visit her and help her regularly, it just means you are setting the limits necessary to preserve your health and sanity. Good luck.
Detachment. It's hard, I know. But she can't fight if you don't take the bait. Try mentioning that you aren't discussing this, then walk away from the issue if she won't let you change the subject. Repeat as necessary. Eventually, she'll see you won't let her push your buttons and she should get easier to get along with. In most cases, arguing only gets more arguing. It rare solves anything.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Good luck - it's hard.
Carol