My 86 yo mom with dementia lives with us. She has run of the house and can help herself to anything. We leave nutrition bars and fruit out since she likes them, and nutrition drinks are in the fridge all the time at her doctor's direction. However, unless we bring food to her, she doesn't eat. No matter how enticing the meal, she says constantly she isn't hungry. And she is cranky about it, like we are forcing her to do something inconvenient - like eating. Is this dementia-related, end of life related, depression, "drama" - or maybe a combo of everything? She takes anti anxiety meds but maybe it's time for something to increase her appetite? We're at a loss with this because she always had a great love of food.
I have been told that my mom may have "given up" & "is just too tired" at 94. She has also been very pleasant lately which is totally out of character for her. She now needs to be hand fed and the Residential Adult Home she lives at now encourage her and care for her exceptionally well but she is still not taking in enough food to sustain her and her diabetic meds have been all but removed.
Bottom line: If the difficulty is chewing then mash/shred/grid the food for her. Dementia is complicated and she may not know her own pangs of hunger or remember to eat. We cannot force feed but can continue to encourage and offer the favorites often. Some people just enjoy being fussed over while others do not. As has been noted, swallowing is also a huge issue. You know your mother better than anyone but Dementia changes an individual's character altogether. We do what we can while we can.
May God grant us peace and favor in our caregiving experience, that it not debilitate or destroy us.
Persons with dementia really cannot live alone, and most of them reach a point where they cannot spend a day alone. (And often, not even an hour.) It sounds like your mom is at that point.
I think it is time for
1) a swallowing test (you don't think it is a problem, but ...)
2) a medical exam and evaluation of all her meds, if that has not happened recently
3) in-home care for her while you are at work (someone to keep her company and bring her food and fuss over her, perhaps 11 to 3 or 4)
4) as an alternative to in-home care, consider an adult day-care program for her while you work. She'd have interactions with other adults and be given lunch, maybe breakfast, and be offered a beverage often.
5) begin looking at care centers so you'll be ready when she needs more than in-home care
She may not recognize her own hunger/thirst signals. She may forget to eat. (Yes, really.) She may have problems swallowing or chewing. There could be lots of reasons, but whatever the reasons she is now at a point where she cannot stay by herself all day. That is the first thing to fix, in my opinion.
I plan on asking for referrals for someone to come into our home for the late morning hours (lunch!) until 3 or 4PM, since there are no senior day care program in or near our rural community.
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