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Hoping to see what others have dealt with when loved ones are at the end of life. I understand this may be a hard subject. I’m just lost. Hospice is great but just looking for others experiences.



Grandpa has been home on hospice for almost a week as a result of pancreatic cancer. Just diagnosed last week so it was a surprise to us. We had no idea. He hasn’t been in any pain or anything until yesterday. Since Friday coming home he has taken a huge decline since we saw him in the hospital the day before. I know what to expect when he’s dying. I just didn’t know this would happen so fast.



Hes:



-not eating, only bites
- not drinking but will suck on the swabs I use to wet his mouth
- sleeping a lot.



His pain started yesterday morning around 9 and nurses came right away and showed us how to administer morphine. Very low dose. And it’s seeming to help him.



the biggest change happened last night. Around 11pm he started breathing loudly, almost like how he usually snores. But his eyes are wide open. We know he’s awake because he follows us with his eyes and so on.



Could this be a side effect of the morphine? Or is the a sign that the end is closer than we thought?



Id appreciate any thoughts. Just so lost and scared.

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Grandpa passed around 1 this morning. Thank you all for your kind words and advice.
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MichiganToOhio Jan 2023
I’m so sorry.
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Hospice nurse stopped by. They don’t believe this is from the morphine. They think it is a sign of decline. I figured so. It’s just hard to accept. I know everyone goes at some point. The selfish part of me just doesn’t want it to happen.

Thank you all.
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We can't see your Grandpa, so (even as a nurse myself) we cannot guess whether grandpa has entered deep sleep or whether he might have cheyne-stokes breathing which can indicate end of life. Pancreatic cancer is one that often shows up only when one is close to the end; it's typical of it.
Speak with the Hospice nurses. They will answer this and other questions. Also look for signs indicating death is near, such as cooling and mottling (discolorations) of the lower extremities. You can't really predict these things, but the inability to take in nutrition (and never force this as it can cause choking things into the lungs rather than the stomach) will usher the end sooner. The RNs will give you soothing drops for the eyes. They often stay open in these circumstances.
I am sorry for your coming loss and so relieved you have a good Hospice.
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I'm sorry- it is never easy to know that the end comes for those we love.
Don't hesitate to call hospice with any questions, anytime (If you haven't already done so); we found the nurses very responsive and they can answer your questions quickly . For example, they might determine if it is Cheynes-Stokes breathing. Hospice can also help with a chaplain if you desire, or connect you to a support group to help with the feelings of loss.
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Breathing could be what’s called death rattle… my mom , declined quite quickly , not eating , not drinking, and sleeping… it’s hard to say, but I think you are looking at actively dying .. you can call the hospice nurse and have a conversation about it. That’s part of their job to support you as well ..

I wish your family peace with this process..
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There isn't much anyone can say or do to help with your situation, sadly. As you acknowledge this is an end of life situation. Yes, the morphine could be causing what you are observing. The use of morphine to control pain versus the side effects is a balancing act doctors and care givers struggle with often in situations like yours. If you are a person of faith, I suggest prayer for strength for both your Grandpa and yourself.
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I'm so sorry it's happening so fast. My grandmother also showed no signs of having cancer, and after she was diagnosed, she died the next day. Her son (my dad) had a small "stitch" in his side as his only symptom of liver cancer, and he died just six weeks after he was diagnosed.

These types of quick ends are good for the one dying so they don't suffer, but so hard for those left behind.

Tell him everything you want to say -- he can hear you.
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Kb, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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my deepest condolence to you!!! huggggg.
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My mom had end stage dementia and she was talking and laughing on Monday and by Wednesday showed the same behaviors. The process was much faster than I expected. As others have mentioned, watch for color changes in hands and feet, temperature changes. Hospice provided low dose morphine and Ativan. She was breathing so rapidly that it was putting stress on her heart. The meds helped. She passed very shortly after. I tried to talk to her, play her favorite music. She was a woman of faith. I read her favorite scriptures.

Hospice can provide guidance into what you are facing. They were a God send to me since I had never experienced this before.

My prayers are with you and your family.
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