I work as full time job as a teacher. Husband is sometimes not responsible with his meds, yells at me, and expects me to do things for him all the time. He is 57, bedbound with osteoarthritis. I am 60 and in pain from arthritis myself. I am not a nurse, never have been a nurse, don't want to be a nurse, but have found myself doing things for husband that are disgusting to me. He was a nurse and speaks to me angrily when I cannot accomplish things the way he wants them done. I am exhausted and depressed and I just don't know what to do. Money is tight. I can't put him in a facility and he wouldn't go anyway. So many things cannot be done for him because he is bedbound. All his teeth have fallen out. I am beginning to get to the end of my rope.
If your husband does not have any mental issues , like dementia, I would tell him to kiss my patooty if he talked badly to me when I was trying my best. No , really, both of your worlds have changed and you both need time to learn how to adjust to your new roles. You as a caregiver and him as a patient. My Dad can be very hostile to my Mom who has mobility issues and dementia and she can get very impatient with him so for Christmas I made them tee-shirts. They are just white tee shirts that I printed in black letters -on hers it says "BE NICE" on his it says -"BE PATIENT" . So when my Mom wears her shirt he sees the be nice and vice versa. Mom wears her shirt a lot!! Maybe get on made for yourself to wear that says -"I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN!".
I get crabby when I'm sick, so I can relate to your husband's ill-temper. But he is not going to get better in a few days, apologize, and thank everyone for their patience. Somehow he has to learn to manage his bad moods in a way that is respectful of you. Is there any other adult who he might listen to about this? A golf buddy, a minister, his boss from when he used to work? Anybody who could counsel him about how lucky he is to have you? If you can think of anybody, try to arrange it!
Would addressing the obesity help him be more comfortable? I assume you are in charge of his food now.
If something happened to you, what would become of your husband? Who would take care of him or where would he live, etc.? I sincerely hope that nothing happens to you, but the point is that SOMETHING would be done for him. Can you figure out what those somethings might be, and get some of them put into place now?
Does he receive disability payments? If so he is eligible for Medicaid. That may help financially.