Evicting my mother and her husband. Do I have other options?

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Evicting my mother and her husband. Do I have other options?

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My mother and her husband, both able-bodied, have lived rent-free for the last 15 years. They are both in their 70s. I purchased their home because they fell on hard times. I put my life on hold to help them. Shortly after I bought their home, I had them sign a month-to-month lease, and they would pay me rent of $400/month. By any measure, this is a bargain. I did it so they could get back on their feet.

To make a long story short, I was in the military overseas, got divorced, COVID, etc. and time flew by. I've never received a penny from them. Every time I ask, there is a new crisis that prevents them from paying. I was mad at myself because I put myself in this situation based on faith that they would work to get back on their feet. Come to find out, my mother was manipulating me from the beginning. I was in shock, but on some level, I was happy because it made me realize that she manipulated me all my life. I was always the kid that saved the day. As a result, I had no boundaries and found it hard to say NO.

Today they travel, never visit, never call, and just live in a free house. I told them I was done supporting them in writing, and they would have to pay rent or leave. They have ignored my requests with more excuses and shaming tactics. My brother and my aunt stopped talking to her years ago. My mother no longer talks to me, and her husband is the primary excuse-maker. I'm starting to process to evict both of them. Unless there are other options, I can't see another way. Thoughts from anyone dealing with this or something similar would be great.

Burnout Narcissism Parents Sacrifice

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Evict them. Cut them out of your life and never help them again.

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Whose been paying taxes? Did you pay cash or is there a mortgage?
What are you going to do with the house if you get them out?

I think u need to consult a lawyer.

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I pay all taxes and mortgage. I'm going to consult an eviction attorney.

(3)

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Adults usually pay their way..
This couple have been behaving like teenagers.

I'm curious to what they do with their money. Bank it for your inheritance? Spend up on travel? Designer clothes, golf clubs & nice restaurants? Or are there substances & gambling issues?

Have you seen inside the house lately? It's not all hoarded up is it?

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You're correct. They act like 5 year olds with money. They rent cars to go to the grocery store, medical appointments, etc. They pay for cell phones, cable TV, and security systems. Everything accept the roof over their head. Again, I made the mistake of trusting their lies.

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One thing you might consider is what we have here: Turn your house over to a real estate property management company. They dont charge that much fee for the service. If that. can happen then the parents shape up or ship out. I think there is a lease in writing. And leases can be month to month. The management company can straighten out their attitude and appraise the situation for you. Then step 2- whatever must be. Be sure the property mgt. is legit first!

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I thought about property management, but I don't want the hassle. Recently, I had a real estate agent visit the property to do an inspection. They refused to let him in the property. Even though I notified them in advance. I just don't get it.

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I don't believe you do have any other options, and that's ok. They need to be evicted. It's unbelievable that grown ass adults would do that to their child.
Evict them, block their numbers on your phone and don't look back.
You are better off without them in your life.
And let this be a lesson learned, so you never make that mistake again.

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Thank you. It's pretty amazing that it can take decades to unwind and see the dysfunctional influence parents have on their kids. The good news is that once you figure it out, it is like being reborn.

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Yes, evict them. Also let them know that even if they don't have a planned place to go when the final move-out date arrives, they will be escorted off your property by the poliice if necessary. Also let them know that if they continue to pester you a restraining order may come their way. Don't engage verbally with them or they'll try to beg and negotiate with you. Don't. Resist. They've had their chance and now they're done. Make sure to change the locks and any keypad entry codes. Make sure their mail stops coming to your address (write "No longer at this addrress. Return to sender" on each piece and stick it back in the mailbox).

Refer them to social services for their county and Section 8 housing options.

What jerks. You can't choose your family but you can choose how you engage with them... or not. Wishing you success in getting them completely out.

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The eviction attorney said the same thing. No more engagement or negotiations with them. Everything needs to be formally documented from this point forward. No text messages, not phone calls. Nothing. 3-day pay or quit notice, followed by a 60-120day eviction process.

She also said that due to COVID, many people around the country are more aware of eviction laws due to the period of time that landlords couldn't evict. However, she said that even though landlords can now evict, the tenants have several attorney fee waivers available to them if you have to go to trial. Of course, their are no waivers for landlords/owners they pay full price attorney fees.

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Replying to your response to me.

I know you realize it now, but 15 years is a long time to keep thinking they will end up paying you.😊But believe me, you are not the only one.

My GFs Dad passed years ago. The mother remained in the home and the son bought it from her because she could not afford it. She too was suppose to pay so much a month and never did. I live in NJ the #1 state in the US for the highest property taxes. (I pay over 6k a year for a 70x100 lot with a 7 room house) So now the son retires and his State pension is cut $500. He could not afford the taxes and the upkeep on the house. So he told Mom she needed to move out because he was selling the house. She moved in with a granddaughter (Mom was showing signs of Dementia) and his sister, who was living there, with my GF. Both having health problems of their own.

So, if you are paying the Mortgage and taxes, selling the house could be ur excuse to evict them. You just no longer can carry the burden. And having a month to month lease (very smart) means you may only need to give them 30days notice. Your not renewing their lease. Please come back and tell us what the lawyer says and how things work out. We learn from each other.

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You're correct. I knew it was a lost cause for years. One thing I'll add is that I knew this was going to be a multi-year process. Nothing happens overnight. At the time, the husband was filing for back pay as a result of getting injured on the job, carpal tunnel syndrome, this would be thousands of dollars, the attorney that they hired confirmed this. So, in my gullible mind, I would purchase the house until the claim was awarded, give the house back, and everything would be fine and dandy. Knowing that these cases take a while, I just assumed it was a matter of time, so I continued with my life. Occasionally, I would call the attorney to get an update. Then came the shocker. They either forgot or didn't realize I was talking to the attorney. He told me the case was closed and the money was awarded. I was relieved that all parties could become whole and move forward. I called my mother, and she said they already spent the money on clothes, shoes, and more rental cars, plus short vacations. I was stunned! I literally couldn't speak. I felt betrayed and used. The story gets worse, but the bottom line is that within my brain, I felt that evicting her was the crime of the century. Today, I no longer have that feeling. It's over.

(4)

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Small debt court, You could recover some and you can appear pro se, no lawyer required. As name suggests there is limit, $25,000? You probably cannot go back 15 years, but worth trying as fees are not high.

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You will have to legally evict them.
There is a good chance that you will not be able to recover what they owe you.
A quick calculation they owe you $72,000.00 and that is on the low side. You could try to sue them for that but as the saying goes you can't get blood from a turnip. If they have assets it might be worth it but I would cut my losses and just get them evicted and out. That is going to be difficult enough as it is.

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What would be the legal ramifications of selling a house infested by squatters I wonder? Would the new owner have to deal with them?

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if they would not let an appraiser in I doubt they would let a real estate agent and prospective buyers in.,

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I have not been in your position. I guess I would never be in your position, likely due to my heart is a good deal SMALLER than yours. I would never buy my parent's home, then allow them to live in it without paying the agreed upon rental; as you say, it was a bargain for certain. I guess I would not buy my parents home in any case, because they can come up with some malarky if they are scammers--you know, "you coerced us into taking less than market value, and so on." I just wouldn't mix family business with family love. Gets so muddy.
But it was done. You were gone. You let it slide. You had a plate too full to deal with it, and it was easier to put it off.
Chickens, however, are home to roost.
You now have an attorney, a specialist. I would follow his advice and hope it goes without a further fight, then get that house up to it's former glory and resell or live in it. I hope it goes fairly seamlessly. You have nothing to be guilty about. You attempted to do a good thing for everyone and at the time it seemed to make sense. It didn't work out. You can grieve for your parents and their irresponsibility, but you cannot fix it and you cannot change it.
I sure wish you good luck and hope you will update us on how it goes for you. Tenants right vary state to state. Were you in San Francisco you would have to give them 50,000 to move along with your firstborn. So there's that. Hopefully your state/city isn't quite that bad. Good luck, Free.

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I agree, it’s never a good idea to mix business with family members. There is too much risk involved.

They sometimes expect too much and there are usually hurt feelings. So, it’s just not worth doing business with our family members.

(1)

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Evict those freeloading ingrates immediately. Then sue them for back.
That's disgusting how they took advantage of you and your generosity.
You say they are in their 70's now and have been living rent-free for the last 15 years. My friend, 15 years ago they weren't even retirement age. They should have still been working. In fact, they should have saved quite a nest egg living for free for the last 15 years.
Evict them and have no guilt about it. You are the one who has been treated wrongly and taken advantage of not them.
Tell anyone who says otherwise to go pound sand.

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EVICT, EVICT, EVICT. Sue for back rent.

Follow your brother’s lead and go
NO CONTACT as well .

I never was a landlord , however , I was manipulated most of my life by my mother . I learned to say NO and make boundaries late in life.

So with that similar experience I offer this advice .
Do not blame or kick yourself for being generous .
Don’t move in or keep the house even as a rental . Sell the house and put it behind you .
Move forward with a fresh start.

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Update: The 3-day pay or quit notice has been delivered. I have taken my attorney's advice and ceased all communication. Blocked them from my email and social media. California has some interesting rules as it relates to evicting people. For example, you must put very specific payment instructions in the lease. A lot of landlords say rent is due on the 1st of the month and state that they accept check, money order, etc, and give an address to send payments. This is not enough. You must also provide the bank routing number, bank address, account number, and if it is direct deposit or bill pay. If you want it sent directly to you with no bank, your name or business name must be part of the address and you would be wise to put in the lease that non-electronic payments must have tracking numbers and signed delivery confirmation, at their expense.

Due to me living out of the state, I cut and pasted the exact bill pay and direct deposit instructions from my bank and attached it to the lease with my account number, rtn, bank phone number, and address. If I had not done this, the tenant could request to make the payment in person, and the bank must be within 5 miles of the house. If there is no bank within 5 miles, they can claim all sorts of hardships and they will receive a free attorney to assist. Also, you can only ask for the past year in back rent. Anything after that must be a separate court case. The whole process is estimated to take 6 months.

The bottom line is that you should hire an attorney to draft your lease contract. Downloading a generic one is asking for trouble. I got lucky by cut and pasting the information. More to follow.

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Yes, as California resident and a landlord as well, California is but one issue. If you are in LA or SF you virtually have to pay moving expenses and stipends to move someone out, even when they aren't paying rental. 30,000 on average in SF. Very tenant friendly town. Thanks for this update, as it is so appreciated and so few return to fill us in. Surely do wish you luck.

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Thanks for the update. We learn something and nice to know how things turn out.

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Glad you have a good attorney and are making progress. Personally, I can't see any other options. Let us know how it all unfolds. Learning boundaries later in life is better than not learning them at all. Detach, detach, detach!

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Update: My mother sent me $200 and said it's a shame "that it has come to this." Her husband also sent an 8x10 envelop that I believe was a picture from the past. I didn't open it and sent the check and the envelope back to them. Even though this is difficult, their actions make it easier to proceed to the next step of filing for eviction. Several realtors have recently contacted me, willing to buy my property as is and take care of removing them once I sell it to them. I am still moving forward with the eviction; I will also respond to the investors and see what they offer.

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Good for you ! Don’t be manipulated . They took advantage of you far too long

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Evicting my mother and her husband. Do I have other options?

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