My dad was married to my 1st stepmother for 25 years, when she passed he was very lonely and remarried just a few months later. His new wife drained everything out of him financially and then divorced him. The problem is, they divorced over 5 years ago but she still is in change of his money and he told me she is paying her bills with it as well as his. The 2nd problem is she has brain washed him into wanting to be cremated when he already bought a plot next to my 1st stepmother. The funeral home sent me a cremation authorization to sign but why should I when he already has a plot. I believe she wants to sell the plot when he passes. Why else would she want him cremated? Also, she is already remarried to another sick/old man. She tries to keep the family away and tells him she loves him not us... meanwhile she divorced him!! This lady is a criminal but how do I prove it? She's been married several times and they have all been elder wealthy men. I NEED HELP! There is so much more to this story. I just don't know what to do. I want to stop her from doing this. I am his daughter. She is the ex wife! She has convinced him that he wants to be cremated when I know for a fact he doesn't and if I don't sign it he said he won't speak to me anymore! Please someone give me advise!
Unless you can prove he's incompetent, he's free to do anything he wants to do. As to signing for his cremation? I wouldn't do it; but then I might have to be prepared to pay for his funeral. *shrug*
If she doesn't OWN the cemetery plot, she can't sell it. Probably not worth much anyway. The money's in the fees . . . not so much the ground.
I hope you can nail this horrible gold-digger.
And don't sign anything until you've taken advice. Meanwhile call the funeral home and tell them he already has arrangements in place, thank you very much. Best of luck, please update.
I dunno. You read about black widow type evil geniuses but you never think it really happens…
Forget winning the popularity stakes and focus on his best interests. It'll help you stay the course if you know you're doing the right thing. Best of luck.
But when you add in her behaviour, and her stated plans' being so at odds with what you know to be his wishes (as far as he can express them), and the fact that she appears to be overlooking the plain fact that they ARE divorced which is bound to raise questions about what the heck she thinks she's up to… It's all very fishy.
Write yourself a little summary document, like so:
• his date of birth
• dates of first marriage
• date of second marriage
• date of divorce
* dates of birth of any children of either marriage
• details of ex's remarriage, as far as you know them for certain
• details of any major property sales
• current whereabouts and living circumstances
• current state of health, including mental health and the all-important capacity or lack of it
• known documentation such as POAs and wills (do not rely, obviously, on ex's say-so: never mind lying through her teeth, she could just as likely be plain wrong)
Take it all to a lawyer, along with any authoritative documentation you have, and get an opinion. Start a new plan from there.
You'll have to be more persistent, I'm afraid. Call them again, and before you take no for an answer explain that this is a complex and unusual situation so you'd prefer to discuss it with someone with experience of financial abuse. Follow it up with a written summary. Best of luck.
The only way in which she could have a valid POA is if your father voluntarily gave it to her. If he did that, and if he had capacity at the time of signing, and if it was either done post-divorce or done during the marriage but he has done nothing to revoke it; well, if all of those things are true then, I'm afraid, you've got problems.
However. If you have or can obtain independent witnesses to her emotional abuse of him, that is also something you could report to APS. They will take a dim view of it. When you say he is living alone, why is he living alone? How far away from him are you, for example?
Hm. There is one more point that doesn't make sense. Why is the funeral home sending you a cremation authorisation form if she has POA?
The funeral home. Right. If exS/M has POA, she takes the document to show them, there is no further argument, right? So why did she or could she not do that?
This situation would be making me question the validity of her POA, and that is what I would want verified. Even she should understand that you're not just going to take her word for it, surely.
The rest of it (by the way, while I wouldn't know, I'd be surprised if New Jersey were back in the Stone Age on APS even if their regulations are different from Florida's)… I think it's not just her you shouldn't trust. Now: EITHER your father is telling you taratiddles because he likes a good pity party, and he's loving the smothering from her and the attention from you and the idea that there are two women at each other's throats about him; OR he's losing capacity, in which case Protection of Vulnerable Adults (POVA) or the equivalent legal processes kick in.
The third option, as you say, is washing your hands of it. You'd be entitled, and it might well be the best idea from your point of view. But for a squeaky clean conscience, write down every fact about this situation you can remember, collate a document, and send to his local APS for their information and attention. You could copy in the police, too, if you felt like it, with a covering letter asking them if anyone else has reported similar concerns.
Just don't get dragged into games you don't want to play. Big waste of time and heartache, I agree with you. Sorry you've got this situation on your hands, no one deserves it.
Who has POA?