Exactly what are an Executor's responsibilities?

If she has a will, your sister will have to abide by the wishes in the will. If your sister does indeed have executorship, then there is a will. If she never made out a will, the assests (after all creditors are paid) are divided among people according to the rules in your state. We are going through this right now. My mother-in-law passed last year and my husband was named executor of her will. My husband has to finish paying all her debts including filing a final tax return, then divide the remaining estate equally between the four surviving offspring in accordance with the will. The probate court will not allow an executor to take a bigger share just because they feel entitled. It is actually a huge responsibility and there are legal consequences if the executor does not perform their duties according to the laws.

What I I can't find her will. I have POA and I'm my moms caregiver and I am looking everywhere to find it. Hopefully we want have to have it for a long time, but things don't look so good. It wouldn't surprise me if she lasted a couple more years. She is a very stronger willed woman and still eating and drinking very good, but just forgetting more and more everyday. My mom never took care of thinks like that. I had to get her funeral taken care of after she got sick just in case she didn't make it, but she even surprised the doctors. She had a toxic infection and a UT infection. They did not think she would make it. They said around 98% of people her age don't make it and she is still here. Thank god. I really don't know if she took the time to make a will, so I have know idea what will happen without one. It's just my sister and I an I am 15 yrs older than her and she is 41. I just don't know what will happen. I never had to deal with anything like this and don't know the law concerning anything about wills and not having a will. So please If anyone knows what happens if I don't find one, please let me know. I need all the help I can get and I can't talk to my sister cause she thinks she knows everything. Thank all of you for any advice you can give me. God bless to you all.

Did your mother have a Trust? You speak about you being POA, when did she give that to you and what attorney drew up the papers? You are worried that your sister has been named Executor....here again you are talking in terms that are used in wills and Trusts. Has your sister told you that she is the Executor of your Mom's will or Trust? If she has not, then what is making you so worried? She may be as much in the dark as you are.

As POA do you have it over her finances or over her healthcare? I don't know how you got it but if it is a legal document then you are in charge for now and you can keep her in her home until she dies, unless your sister decides to file for guardianship over her. This however is long, drawn out and very expensive. I personally do not understand why your sister would want her in a home if she is being taken care of by you and your cousin and does not need nursing home care.

You may need to speak to your sister or see if a cousin might speak with her and find out if she does know about an existing will or Trust. If your Mom has an attorney you could ask him but chances are you have already looked everywhere and are finding nothing.

I would say go and see a Family Law Attorney a lot of them offer 1 hour free consultations. Write down your questions and go ask them, there is also a site called Avvo.com where you can ask questions and get answers for free.

If your sister wants to sell Mom's home and if Mom is on Medicaid then she is going to cause a lot of problems. If your Mom becomes very ill and has to go into a nursing home in the future and she has Medicaid, they will make you pay every cent from the sale of the house for her care because she can only have $2000 in assets but she can keep her home and it won't count for now.

Please go see an attorney and let them help you sort this out!

Best Wishes to you and your Mom!

If there is a will drawn by an attorney, this attorney should have a copy but I am assuming you do not know. Maybe if atty did your POA, same one, idk we did our own POA n just had notarized but due to my sibling issues we had will drawn with an attorney, I believe he keeps a copy. A dear friend just passed and the kids are struggling to figure all this out, they cannot find a will....so I wonder myself what good is a will if it is stashed somewhere's known only to the deceased??? and yes executor only comes into play if a will is present naming one, and after death only, as far as I know, I am no expert. My guess is to ask mom if she made out a will or if she has an attorney if she is still able to respond to you. If not maybe get an attorney and draw one up with you as executor...I think ours said in it "this current document supersedes any previous document or something like that, making any prior drafts of will null n void.
Good luck!

Only your mother and witnesses know if she has a will. You really do discuss this with your mother. It sounds as if she may Not have a will. You don't have to lave a lawyer to draw a will. It can be written and witness properly by anyone. But, if your mother has a lot of assets, it is best to get an attorney. Not all attorney's keep a copy of the will. That would be up to your mother. But, if you cannot find it in your home, I feel, your sister should know and if she does Not, it is a good chance that their is no will.

If this is the case, then the state would select someone, family or anyone to make sure the will is fully executed. It would also pay that person to be the administrator over the will. But, if your mother has never made and funeral arrangement, there is a good chance there is no will. I hope since you are taking care of your mother, she would tell you. And no one can take her money or other assets without a will or the courts permission. So, if you could get her to sign a will, I would make a new one since you cannot find it. That will then supersede any other will and put you in charge.

I understand your urgency and concern on this matter and suggest you do get legal advice but a new will would solve your problem, provided her doctor will state she is competent to sign it.

I hope you can resolve this soon.

Sunny:)

My husband have had our will for 30 years but our attorney did not keep a copy. It was up to us to keep up with it. But, our children know where it is and anyone of them can get to it. I think keeping family in the dark about a will is not a good idea. But, I still feel there may not be a will or your mother would have mentioned it, especially since you have her POA. But that is only good while they are alive. When someone passes away, the Power of Attorney is then null and void. So, I hope you can get a new will drawn up to protect you since you are the caregiver and seem to be the one concerned for your mother's welfare. And your sister would probably have told you if she had the will. But, if you mother has not been good at taking care of these type affairs, I feel like there is no will. Does she have a safety deposit box at a bank? It could be there if she has one. But, I doubt an attorney has a copy. Most do not keep one, unless you are paying them for their services and have one you work with. Or have would it be possible your sister found a will and destroyed it? They are not recorded until we pass away, so in our State of SC, we are responsible for keeping our will and letting the proper family know we have one and where to find it.

I do hope you get this done while you still can. Even if there is an old one and since it cannot be found, I would draw a new one, since you have power of attorney and it will supersede any previous one. I know it must be so frustrating not knowing. Will your mother not discuss it or would she keep it from you if she made a will with your sister was the executor? Just more reason to discuss it with your Mother and make a new one.

Warm wishes and hope you can get this settled for your peace of mind.

Sunny:)

She has Dementia and bed ridden and can not make any decisions anymore and she is in her own little world now. Which is really hard to watch. So right now I am just taking it one day at a time. If she didn't tell me I know she did not tell my sister. I guess I will deal with whatever I have to when she's gone. I am the one that made funeral arrangements after she got sick. She did not take care of anything. She always did leave things to the last minute.

I am so sorry for the stress this puts on you and hope it will all work out in the end. I hope you and your sister can work together, even though she is not helping take care of your mother, which is a shame. It is smart to have gotten the funeral taken care of.

My 91 year old mother just agree last week to make a will. she does not own any property and has very little money but still probating an estate without a will is costly and will take a year to settle. With your mother owing a home, you could have used one. But, you will have to deal with it as the time comes. I just hope she does not lose everything with a long and drawn out illness. My Mother is not going down hill fast and we hope to take her next week to get a will made or she may be to incompetent to do one.

My warm wishes and prayers are with you.

Sunny:)

Thank you all for your help. It really means a lot to me. I do have a POA over everything. Financing, real estate, etc. Including medical. She can not even sign her name, feed herself or go to rest room. I just want everything done in an civilized manner. My sister on the other hand, even though I am 15 year older. She seems to think that she know everything and is very greedy. She seems to think her and her kids deserve more than Me and kids and grandkids. I do know that my mother told me that she has just us, so everything is to be split between her 2 daughters, I know it is selfish, but all I want is to enjoy what little time I have with her. I really don't want to have to deal with the probate court and a lot of nonsense after losing my mother, There has to be an easier way of getting things done. My sister will turn into Hitler to let you know that she has total control of everything. She is one of these people that ha to be in control to make herself feel important and first in everything. and then brags about it over and over, Like she has to validate herself. Me I don't care what anyone thinks about me as long as I know I am doing the right thing and exactly what my mother wanted done, God bless you all for your help.

You say your sister is very greedy and wishes to put your mother in a nursing facility. Have you priced nursing facilities? I don't think you will have to worry about dividing anything if she does go into a nursing facility. The state will make her spend down to get Medicaid and there will be little or nothing left unless she is very wealthy and can private pay.

If she doesn't have a will, her assets will go into probate and be divided between her children. If she goes into a nursing facility there won't be much left to divide.

Your sister either is ignorant of the cost of nursing facilities or she really thinks it is the best place for you mother. You two need to have a frank conversation and get your facts straight. Good luck

My sister doesn't think of my mother's welfare, only her own. My cousin and I take care of her 24/7 and my sister shows up maybe 1 or 2 times a month. Since I have POA she can't put her anyway. She came over one day and wanted to go through our mom's stuff to put in a garage sale and take some stuff home with her. I told her nothing is being sold or taken out of her shed or house, that she wasn't dead yet and all her things stay just where they are. It's still her stuff. I live with her and I don't go through her things. I wish there was a way to have a Will done, but she doesn't know or sign anything anymore. She did tell me before it got this bad that everything is to be split between the 2 of us. It's just us 2 girls. Well I guess we will have to wait and see what God has planned. I wish the POA could take care of getting a Will done. God bless and goodnight.

Sometimes people ignore reality in favor of greed. My BIL thought he could stick my MIL in a care facility and keep her house and money. I told him care facilities are expensive, he said, "No they're not". I told him the house would have to be sold to pay for the facility and he said, "No it wouldn't". He just ignored the reality of the situation. He even drove her to a lawyer to try to get the house put in his name. The house had a reverse mortgage on it and the lawyer explained why that could not happen. After she passed, he thought we could all own the house together, but he would live there as caretaker. In other words, we pay the bills while he lives for free. He even tried to sue us to get us to pay off all her debts, which amounted in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, so he could continue to live in her house. Obviously reality won out. Her house was sold and her debts were paid.

There are a lot of very selfish people out there. They don't want to have to work for anything and thinks everyone owes them. Like I said my dad died alone in a VA hospital and I will not do that to my mother. She will stay in her own home with the people who love her very much until God takes her home. I just wish there was a way I could have a will made up for my mom, so there want be so much drama with my sister. I have POA over every single thing, but that ends when mom passes. I know my MIL had a hand written will, but she was able to sign it. I'm just at my wits end trying to figure out everything to take care of before I lose my mother. I don't think she can sign anything since she can't feed herself or go to the bathroom. She is bed ridden now. I would like to thank all of you for your help and input. I don't know about all of you, but sometime I feel like I have no one to turn to that know what I am going through. So thank you,

Everyone has some really good input but if your mother is ill and has dementia or Alzheimer's she is not really able to write up a will at this time as they have to be of sound mind when it is done. What is sad is that you didn't make sure this was done at the same time she gave you POA. If you cannot find one her estate will have to go through the court system in probate I believe.

I also do not know if it is mandatory for a will or Trust to be kept by the attorney or filed with the court system although I think it should be. The original that I have is the ONLY copy and if it is lost or house burns or someone gets hold of it and decides to get "creative" and make changes, there is no original filed somewhere that shows what was originally intended. Of course I am in CA and I do not know if it is the same in every state.

If your POA is legal then you basically hold all the cards right now and you can do as you wish to keep your Mom in her home until the day she dies. Your POA ends when she dies. If your sister continues to insist that the house be sold tell her that you all (siblings) need to go to a Family Law Attorney who knows about Medicaid and let him explain the pros and cons of selling her house. If your sister tries to sell it before Mom dies, she cannot legally do it and she could face legal problems by even trying.

You have a good heart and I understand why you want Mom at home. God Bless you All!

I know you're not in California but for general or comparative information, take a look at: http://www.courts.ca.gov.8865.htm/

There are generally to powers of attorney, GDPOA or general durable power of attorney for all matters financial WHEN THE PERSON IS ALIVE - this expired upon death - and the DPAHC for durable power of attorney for healthcare for all mattershaving to do with medical and health decisions - this power does extend a bit past death in terms of being able to obtain medical records and disposition of physical remains, for example funeral arrangements, cremation, donation of body parts, etc. l am presuming (hoping) you have BOTH of these and that they were executed before your mom became incompetent with dementia (that way there would be less validity in a challenge unless you do something inappropriate in the managing of your mother's funds.

Being an executor only takes effect AFTER death and the purpose is to "execute" the deceased's wishes as stated in the will. If there is no will, neither of you would be executor. Depending on the value of your mothers estate at death, if its under a certain amount, you may be eligible for a simple filing in court that is not strictly probate and doesn't take as long. But without a trust, its court either way. And the judge what a point and administrator if there's no will. Each state has in their laws an order of succession for the heirs of a person who dies "intestate", meaning without a will. In your case, it would be split between you and your sister, the same as what your mother verbally say to you, so there should be no conflict. This leave your cousin out however so be aware of that.

If she were competent, your mother would be able to sign a personal services agreement to pay you and your cousin (assuming there are funds available) for work on her behalf as specified in the contract. As DGPOA, you would generally be allowed to sign contracts on behalf of your mom. This could get a little sticky as far as your sister might be concerned if you sign a contract to pay yourself but there shouldn't be a problem in signing a contract for a reasonable payment to your cousin. These contracts have specific wording that must be present to be considered an expense under Medicaid so if you decide to go this route, be sure to have an attorney draw up the contract.

If you are unsure about the presence of a will, then you probably know for sure there isn't a trust? The person in charge of the trusses call the trustee. The owner of the trust is called the settlor and during their lifetime, they are typically the beneficiary. The usual type of trust you its called a living trust and it is generally revocable, meaning it can be changed. At the time of incompetence or death, the revocable trust becomes irrevocable, meaning it can no longer be changed.

Sometimes, if a person petitions for conservatorship (aka guardianship) and it is granted, the conservator can petition the court to modify the trust and it may be granted. However, the trust as prepared by the owner (settlor) must already be in existence. Under your current circumstances, if you chose to petition for conservatorship, you would be spending the money to file and pay an attorney, your sister would have to be notified of the filing and the court date and she could object virtually no cost to her. A good reason to be sure you consult an attorney before you go in that direction.

Depending on which POAs you have, you have more power right now and any interference your sister wanted to bring, SHE would have to bear the cost of getting an attorney. Of course if she were in the position to claim financial or medical abuse are you or your cousin of your mom, she could drag in Adult Protective Services nearly by reporting you. They are required to investigate just based on suspicion.

When you say you have taken care of the funeral arrangements, I assume you paid for that out of your own pocket? Keep track of the things you and your cousin DO, as well as the things your sister DOESN'T do in addition to the things she says. Document, document, document. If you end up in court, the judge me a favor the fact that you've been very involved and find this favor in the fact that she hasn't. If she accuses you of something too strongly, the judge could appoint a paid it ministrator to handle it, cutting into yours and your sisters inheritance, something she may find unpalatable, so it may be good if she knows that before she tried to bring some kind of action, but perhaps don't give her too much information before it gets closer to your mother's passing. If you develop a good relationship with an elder care attorney, an explanation from an authoritative source could go a long way in staving off any arbitrary action by your sister.

Laws undoubtedly very in your state so it would be wise to have a consultation. If it were me, I would consider it moving any money in my moms name into a joint account with my mom, myself and my sister but without having my sister as a signator on the account. I would make sure that I kept very stringent records about every single penny being spent, which might be important to prove to your sister somewhere down the road that you did everything on the up n up but would also be important to show Medicaid in case your mom were to end up in a nursing home and they would need to do the five-year look back. This is just something I would consider doing, because at your moms death you and your sister would own that money jointly and it wouldn't be in your moms estate. You would still treated as her money in terms of paying her final bills.

Without knowing the laws in your state, this is just general information to familiarize yourself with the process. I hope it's informative but it's a complicated matter and it is best if you at least art by consulting an attorney for information.

The following are some of the general responsibilties of the executor in taking charge of the assets of the deceased, paying the debts, and distributing the assets to the beneficiaries. This list is not intended to be complete but does indicate the type of issues. Your lawyer will provide you with a complete list.

Ensure that all the real and personal property is protected, including arranging if necessary fire insurance on buildings, and changing locks to protect assets

Locate safely deposit boxes and attempt to locate the key.

Selecting the lawyer to act for the estate and obtaining from them notarial copies of the death certiciate. Choose a lawyer who has extensive experience in Wills and Estates work. Pick an accountant to assist you if your lawyer suggests this is appropriate. Discuss the lawyers and accountants fees and disbursements right up front.

Locate all life insurance policies and notify the insurance company of the death and forward a copy of the death certificate to have the policy paid to the beneficiary.

Notify all insurance companies including house insurance and car insurance of the death. Ensure that insurance is maintained make a list of all the assets and including stocks, bonds, pension funds, bank accounts, government investments, superannuation payments, holiday pay from work, work related life insurance or benefits for the spouse etc.

Are there any interests in partnerships or companies and locate shareholders and partnership agreements and provide a copy to the lawyer for his examination. (there may be triggering clauses in those agreements that must be met quickly)

In conjunction with discussions with the spouse,

Locate the previous several year's income tax returns and provide copies to the lawyer or tax accountant. These must be reviewed quickly to ensure that no filing dates are missed. Government tax authorities do not care that the person is deceased. The executor may be personally liable for any tax penalties that are incurred because filing dates are missed.

Pay the account of the funeral director. Your lawyer will tell you the priority of paying debts, but normally the funeral directors account is to be paid before most other debts.

Make a list of all debts. This will include accounts for charge cards, house utilities, property tax arrears, income tax arrears, loan payments, outstanding leases, mortgages on house or vehicles, alimony or prior separation agreement. Provide this list and supporting documentation to the lawyer.

Once all the assets have been located and the debts paid (including the account of the executor) then the estate will be disbursed in accordance with law and the terms of the Will. In many cases a sale of real estate and personal property may be necessary prior to distribution of the estate. This is where an Estate Settler representative will be invaluable. And since reasonable fees are allowed at no cost to you, the Estate will cover all the costs of Estate Settler.

You will need to advertise for creditors in the local newspaper to ensure that all the debts are known and paid.

Your lawyer will advise whether any court proceeding is required regarding the Will. This is called filing for Probate. Often if there is adequate tax advice at an earlier date, the requirement for Probate can be avoided. This will save the estate considerable money.

You will need to notify the beneficiaries about their bequest and provided there is money left after the payment of all debts, the beneficiaries will receive their money or assets from you as Executor of the estate.

You may need to open up a Bank Account in the name of the Estate at your local bank using a notarial copy of the Will (or Probate if required) together with a copy of the death certificate. Use a chequing account that you receive the cheques back so you can verify that you paid the funds if required at a later date

When it comes to my mother. She just has a house that we are still paying on and we have insurance on all credit card's when the time comes that pays them off when she passes and I have already taken care of the funeral arrangements.. Which I hope will be a long time. She may be forgetting who we are, but at least I still have her until it's time for god to take her home and be with him and my dad and her siblings. To me taking care of my mother at home is a simple decision since she has always been there for me. Not a burden. We don't have much, but we still have each other for now and that means more to me than money or material things.

Sounds like you have it all together. And when you have "Love" you have everything. Nothing can replace Love and the care you have. You are truly blessed.

Warm wishes and Big Hugs,

Sunny:)

Thank you and I hope you have lots of love in your life. God bless and hugs to you and yours.

WGB, It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of taking care of your Mom and her affairs. She is so fortunate to have someone as dedicated and loving as you. Glad to hear that you stand up to your sister - stay strong. As has been pointed out, you hold all the cards and your sister really has no say in how you manage your mother. From what everyone has been saying, I don't think your sister will be able to upset your apple cart without causing herself and everyone else big headaches, and she would lose in the end anyway, You mentioned that you would not allow your sister to go through your Mom's belongings and I agree with you 100%. However, if I were you (as POA you have the right), I myself would at least begin sorting through stuff for practical purposes (it's a ton of work at the end), not to sell or give anything away right now, but you are sure to find lots of the unneccesary stuff we all accumulate over the years and could start weeding out. In the process, you might get lucky and come across a Will, or perhaps something written long ago that expresses her wishes, or maybe a safe deposit box key. It seems curious that she went to the trouble to do the medical and financial POA's and not the Will, as these are usually done all together - so I hope you do end up finding one. I believe you have received an abundance of excellent advice from everyone here, and clearly there are a few caregivers who are very knowledgable about this legal topic in the extensiveness of the information they provided to you. We all benefit from their expertise. We appreciate that you are responsive to us as well, and we hope everything works out for you.

Your sister is thinking that if she sticks your Mom into a Nursing Home, her insurance will cover her care and she can kick you out of the house and sell it and hopefully she plans on sharing the proceeds, but she at least plans on getting her hands on the money for herself.

At the least your sister is delusional! As we have all tried to tell you if she sells the house the Nursing Home and Medicaid will REQUIRE that they be paid the proceeds from the sale of the house. The proceeds are considered ASSETS and so if she gets $200,000 and a nursing home in your area costs $2,000 a month, Medicaid will NOT COVER ONE CENT OF HER CARE FOR 8 YEARS!!!!!!!!

Your Mother is far better off being cared for by you in her own home, hopefully until she dies. Then you can sell the house and divide it equally. If you bring Medicaid into it they will take their share of the proceeds. You and all your siblings need to get the facts straight and not let this sister do this. If nothing else, copy off this blog and mail it to her!

Raven has a great idea. Copy the information and print it out for her (being careful to add it out anything offensive!). If you can't get her to go to an attorney with you for a consultation, give her this website and let her log on. Tell her to tell us what she's got planned and we will give her "what for". She doesn't know what she's doing or what the implications are. She just think she's going to walk away with a lot of dollars but its not going to happen.

Thank all of you for your support and advice. God bless you all.

If in fact your sister is executor of your mom's will, she'd better plan on doing exactly as your mom's will states. Today, my lawyer went to court on my behalf and the court removed my sister as the executor because she was not honoring our mom's wishes. That is a big no-no. Money is also missing that was not to be spent until the property was sold. The court is asking for an accounting of said funds. There was no love lost between me and my mom and sister. But a will must be honored or there can be repercussions. Because of my sister's actions or lack thereof, I'm being sued and believe me, I'm not going down without taking her with me. She tangled with the wrong person.

I am really sorry that your family doesn't have a lot of love for each other, but that's not the case here. My sister is one of those that think they know it all, but I love my sister and my mother very much. My sister and I just have a difference in opinion when it comes to our mother. I want her in her own home and she wants her in a nursing home. My sister is the type that likes to be in charge and tries to be perfect in everything she does. Money.material things and status mean more to her than anything. She doesn't have what we would call a lot of money just very good credit and credit cards. She never did have a lot of respect or love for our mother, but that is her problem. I love my family very much and I would be there for her as well as I am doing for our mother right now. I do know that If I ever find a will and she is the executor she will make a major deal out of it. It's the 2 of us and my mother does not have much at all, but it's suppose to be split between the 2 of us. The only thing is I don't like is drama and my sister does. It should just be cut and dry, but it want be. I just want whatever time my mother has to be good ones. There is 15yrs difference between us. I'm the oldest and my mother did ask me years ago about being the executor and I told her I did not want to be it. If I knew than what I know now I would have done it. Well no sense in worrying now cause I haven't found a will yet. I wish you and your family the best, cause there the only family you will ever have. God bless and good luck.

Dear WGB77808: Wow! Your situation sounds so much like mine, I am in awe! The only difference is there are 3 of us!

This is a really stressful time for you and I know you are worried about a will and what the outcome will be. Anyone in your shoes would feel the same exact way. I honestly do not know if going to see an attorney would do you any good at this point unless he was well versed in Medicaid and you asked your sister to please go along with you and you had him lay out what will happen if you sell the house or keep it.

I made sure my Mom gave me POA for Finances and Healthcare because my older sister had made comments about putting my Mom in a NH and I was NOT going to allow that to happen, I promised her it wouldn't. All that had to be done prior to Mom becoming really ill with dementia, it is probably too late for your to do this. There is conservatorship and guardianship and I honestly do not know the differences but you have quite a bit of work to do and it does cost. I don't know if you want to spend the money on your Mom or an attorney...... is see your quandry in this.

Wouldn't it just be so nice to have siblings that are nice and kind and willing to help and easy to talk to? Dealing with an ill parent and knowing death will happen sooner or later should make everyone flock together to help, not tear everyone apart and make them enemies!

My heart goes out to you and I truly hope you and your sister can sit down together and work as a team. I will pray for you if you will pray for me on this!

God Bless You!

Raven1: Thank you so much for your support. I wish it could be that way, too. I'm lucky if I see my sister once a month and she lives right down the road. She is still upset that Mom gave POA over everything and on her bank account. Even though I am 15 yrs old than her, she thinks she knows more. There just was no way I was going to put my Mom in a NH. I don't think I have ever come a cross a family that could stick together and agree on things when it came to a death in the family. There like vultures when comes to things like that. My sister care more about money and material things than I do. All I want is for my Mom to be with the people who love her and make sure whatever time is left is a happy and comfortable one and her last of her life in her own home. It sounds like that is what you want for your mom, too. I don't know about your Mother, but my Mother doesn't have anything that is even paid for. Between my Mom, cousin and myself we pool our money and make sure we have enough for an emergency that might come up. Thank God for Hospice. They help us out more than I can say and my mother may hang it there for months or years. Only god knows that. My prayers are with you and you mother and family. As long as you feel you are doing the right thing in your heart, then you are. God bless you and yours.

Wills are usually filed with the clerk of the County Court. That might be a good place to check to see if your mom has a will filed there.

please speak w/an attorney immediately so you know what the laws are in your state pertaining to your situation. DO NOT allow yourself to be bullied by your younger sister. Family bullies only act this way so they can obtain control over the money aspect of the situation and not the needs of the individual. Do what YOU think and know are right for your mom. You will be glad you did. God bless you and your cousin for taking care of your mother 24/7 in her home as this is never easy to do.

Dear wgb, I'm not sure why it's so important to know whether there's a will or not and who the executor is, if there is one. You say your mother intended you and your sister to inherit the estate equally. If that's what the will says, that's what will happen, whoever the executor is. If there's no will, it's still what will happen, although it will probably take a little longer to get the i's dotted and the t's crossed. I’m assuming everyone here is honest and acting out of goodwill.

Perhaps the best thing to do now is to sit down and talk to your sister about the future. Yes, I know you feel she's bossy and selfish, but nothing you say about her makes her sound evil or dishonest, and you say you love each other. So the two of you should be able to talk about the important stuff, especially about your own future and your cousin’s. I suspect this is where issues may arise and maybe it’s part of what prompted your original question.

How and where are you going to live when your mother dies? It may be that this is what your sister is trying to get you to think about. Can you and your cousin get by financially when your mother is no longer contributing? If not, can you get a job when your mother is gone? Can you and your cousin afford to buy out your sister’s share of the house when the time comes to liquidate your mother’s estate? If not, could the two of you offer to rent it, paying your sister half the going rental rate for a comparable house?

You and your cousin obviously care greatly about your mother. That’s wonderful. But you have a responsibility to yourself, to be realistic about your future and plan how to live the rest of your life. Be strong, be optimistic. I’ll be thinking about you.