What should I expect for the last 6 months to a year of my Mom's brain cancer battle?

I know how you and your mom must be hurting right now. My mom was diagnosed with non-Hodskins Lymphoma cancer, after I had been telling her primary doctor that there was something wrong with the area under her right ear for over a year. He would feel both sides of her neck and say that it must have been a swollen gland I saw and felt, because she was fine. When it finally became visible and hard, he paid attention to me and send her to a specialist. I had to work through a lot of anger toward the doctor, because there might have been some hope and years of life left if he had only listened to me. Anyway, that is history now, and I have made peace in my heart over him. Mom and I were depressed at first, but we both knew that there was something wrong for some time. We had watched my grandmother and dad go through years of suffering and pain after cancer surgeries, followed by chemo and radiation. We promised each other that we would not allow that to happen to ourselves or to each other. We agreed to accept pain meds to stay comfortable and live as if each day were our last. After the biopsy that showed her Stage IV, inoperable cancer, we told the surgeon of her wishes. He asked her to go to the oncologist at least once. To get to the most important part of my message to you, my mother accepted a treatment that the doctor said was not chemo (although it was administered the same way). After sitting there, and alternating between blood transfusions and "treatments" for a month, she told the doctor she wasn't going back...that she wanted to spend what time she had left enjoying her daughter. That is exactly what we did; and, looking back on it now, I consider those last months to be the greatest gift anyone could ever receive! We did everything she wanted to do. We ate at all of our favorite restaurants; we went to every live music performance we could find; and, one of the last nights out included a live Mariachi Band, which we enjoyed so much! She was such a feminine woman. Right up to the end, she wore makeup, insisted on her hair being perfectly done, and even had acrylic nails! :) The Mariachi singers, seeing her in a wheelchair and with an oxygen tank, and realizing her age, sang her favorite songs to her and teased her until she blushed! She had never been much of a drinker, but she usually wanted a margarita when we went to Mexican places. Our last night out of the ALF was a night like that; and, I can still imagine her when I go back to that restaurant...drinking her margarita(s), smiling, laughing, and looking at me with knowing, but loving, eyes. I am an only child, and I can say that I was loved and adored by my mom every moment of my life. She and my dad made sure I had a good education; and, since neither of them finished high school, they were so proud of me. They were always there to cheer me on with my accomplishments or to support me any time I needed them. Mom and I sang along with our favorite gospel quartets, as well as the rock-n-roll stars of the 50s. I read to her. We talked about anything and everything that we wanted. We never failed to express our love for each other. I remember once she brought up something I said when I was in my teens and struggling with my straighter than straight hair. She had beautiful, naturally curly hair. I said to her and my father during breakfast one morning that I wished I had been born with mom's hair and dadcy's looks. (I got my straight hair from him.) She took it, at first, as my saying she wasn't as pretty as my dad was handsome...so I didn't want her looks!! It took me a long time to convince her that I didn't mean it like that! During those last few months, when she brought that up, I asked her how daddy would have felt if I had said I wanted both her hair and looks! We laughed, of course, and agreed that he was very handsome. The reason I feel compelled to share such silliness with you is that I was given a gift more valuable than anything on Earth! I was given time with my mom to make memories that I will treasure forever. I am smiling, with tears in my eyes, as I write this to you. I can still see her smiling face, so full of love for me. So, you and your mother have been given that same gift! I don't know if your mother is mobile or not. It sounds as if she is further along in her illness than my mom. Spend each moment as if it were your last, though, and do whatever you can to do the things she wants to do. Laugh, cry, remember...make her happy! I was also blessed to be with mom when she passed away. I should have been prepared for that moment, but I don't think anyone ever is. I fell into the arms of the Hospice nurse and sobbed. Since all of her arrangements were pre-planned, the nurse contacted the funeral home. The man asked much time I wanted with mom before they came to the ASF. I asked for several hours. My best friend came, from an hour away, and spent some of that time with me. We sat by her bed and reminisced about our times with mom. We laughed and cried together. Some of the staff came by and told me how much they cared about my mom and me, and most of them had some funny story to tell. Every single one of them looked at me and told me how much my mom adored me. So, you use this gift you have been given in a way that you will cherish in years to come the way I cherish my gift of time with my mom. You and I are so fortunate and blessed, because many people don't have time with their loved ones. They live with unspoken words and unused opportunities that can never be spoken or accomplished. My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to accept right now, but I promise you that you will never forget how you spent your gift together. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.

Thanks for your answer, Madison. I found that to be true - wherever the patient wants to be hospice will care for them. Blessings to all of you who do this hard but rewarding work.
Carol

Contact hospice they can help you keep your mom comfortable and also help you in dealing with this end of life issue. Hospice is a philospohy, not a place.
We go wherever the patient calls home. RN's, Social Workers, Spiritual Care, Home Health Aides, are all part of a team dedicated to helping not only the patient but the family. Ask your Dr. to refer your mom to a hospice, most insurances cover hospice-Medicare definitely does. Don't wait, the sooner you get you mom on hospice the sooner the team can work to make her and you comfortable. Good luck and God Bless.

I am sorry to hear about your mom's condition, I suggest you call hospice care. Although you are informed that your mom only has 6 months to 1 year to live, there are lots of instances that hospice care is able to prolong the life of a long term care recipient, even for a short period of time, it will still matter especially to family members and loved ones. Your mom will not only get the medical supervision her condition require, but also social services. Hospice also helps family members to cope up and handle the situation.

In fact, doctors are requiring family members of a terminally ill long term care recipient to get hospice care soon - http://www.infolongtermcare.org/iltc-news/doctors-urge-family-members-to-get-hospice-care-sooner/ .

I am so sorry for what you and your mother are going through. Yes, try to make each day special. Although my mom could not read we got a cassette player from the library for the blind in our state. The service is free and you can order what book you want to listen to. I also would make her favorite food and tell her I loved her every day. She had Dementia and that was hard sometimes. I have a lot of good memories and she loved me doing things especially for her. Above take care of YOU!!! You cannot care for your mom if you don't take care of yourself. Hugs!!!!

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it!

Praying for you. Educate yourself as to what to expect. Take it one day at a time, knowing that each could be your last. But knowing you walked the walk with her will be your consolation when you have to say goodbye. Be there and you'll have no regrets. It has made the loss of my MIL easier.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your mother. The best advice I ever received here was the following. It may not be exactly what you asked, but I hope it is as helpful to you as it was for me:

Tell her that you love her every day. Touch her, hold her hand, hug her if possible. Tell her how you are thankful for the things she did during your lifetime with her and remind her of the people she touched and remind her of those who love her.

Do not concentrate on that number. Six month can turn into 6 weeks or a couple of years.... You should concentrate on positive emotions and fulfilling your mother's bucket-list instead.
Take one day at the time and try to create "good memory" album with pictures/letters/notes reflecting your relationship with your mother. In the future, it will help you to realized that, even though she had a hard time to transition, your two did go through it TOGETHER and it helped her.
I usually use organic essential oils for my dying residents to keep them comfortable and pain free. It helps. Make high protein meals. Try to go for all organic, GMO-free produce. Reduce meat and processed food. Make sure your mom does not suffer from Candida (common condition with cancer). Educate yourself about what is expected -- there is a lot of info on the Net.

I am very sorry for you and your mother, Johanei. Sometimes people with brain tumors go very fast. I lost a sister in law to a brain tumor. She had surgery and a month later she was gone. In retrospect, i would refuse all treatment except for comfort and pain relief. Hospice is definitely the way to go. They are wonderful, and they do nothing to prolong the dying process. The do offer comfort and pain relief.

Also I was going to say that my mother really enjoyed music in her final days. She didn't have to use her eyes and she could just listen and enjoy. It was close to Christmas time and we played all her favorite Christmas music and some religious music too. She was very peaceful at the end. Dad stayed with her in the hospital room 24/7 until she passed. It was 5 days at the end in the hospital. Back then Hospice only did cancer and she did not have cancer. Her body was simply shutting down at age 80.

I'd strongly suggest that you call hospice right away. This is what they do - help people stay comfortable during their last months. Both of my parents had hospice care even though they were in a nursing home. Hospice worked seamlessly with the nursing home staff. I remain grateful to them all.
Carol

Contact hospice right away. I am sure they will help you though these next steps of your mom's journey. Don't delay. My MIL was given 6mos after her breast cancer spread and she was gone within weeks of it going to her brain. Everyone is different, but now is the time for hospice, they were great for my mom as well as my MIL. Prayers for you and your dear mom.

Sorry to hear about your mom Johanei. Though my father did not have cancer (he had dementia), he was on hospice the last 3 months of his life. It was so helpful to me, and he enjoyed seeing new faces who treated him like a king. Good hospice people will ease the journey and keep you well informed. Until then, people here, Internet sites, and the doctors can help you be aware. But, as with most illnesses, symptoms can vary. When a good friend was dying of cancer that had spread to his brain, he eventually got disoriented enough to stumble and fall. His wife, also a good friend, is petite and she had trouble getting him up and around. I tell you this so you have the help close by should you run into similar challenges. In this case, he spent the last 2 weeks of his life in a hospice facility so he could receive care that his wife, alone, could not do. Otherwise, surround your mom with the people and things she loves. Help her do what things she still can. Music and art are good. My dad, even though he didn't quite understand what was going on in a lot of things, loved music and silly comedy shows. Laughing is good. Take care.

Firstly I am sorry to hear about your mom. From my exprience with my Dad the symptoms differ depending on many factors and it is important if you can to talk with her doctors about these so that you can (as you obviously want to be!) be prepared and recognise these as they come along. One thing (again from expirience ) is to understand that diseases that effect the brain can effect personality and that the person you know and love may act differently, it can be frustrating. Also please look afteryourself and make sure that you take look after yourself so you can be strong. Are there other members of the family/friends who you can talk with about this situation and that you can all support each other (remembering people deal in different way with this type of news) and also be prepared for the roller coaster of emitions from Anger - Sadness etc.... I can say that with my Dad - by working as a family we made his last few months as good as they could be - by making sure we were informed and made decisions on care as and when needed. I hope you gain strength thru all this to help you thru J

We called in Hospice for my Mother a few weeks ago. They are an excellent resource for information on what to expect, they also brought equipment (hospital bed), supplies and skilled nurses and staff (checking vitals and bathing). My mother has quit eating and is not in pain, so there is no medication to administer, but they will take over that if its needed. They will also come over whenever we need help or a break and we are to call them first when her time comes to handle the detail of what we want done. In the meantime we do whatever gives her comfort, play her favorite records and shows, pray with her and just spend time with her telling her we love her. Wishing you strength, courage and love.

Just did a quick Google search and came up with this site: http://www.abta.org/brain-tumor-treatment/