There are three of us. The primary care give (who lives with mom in mom's house) has become a self appointed "CEO" of all things related to mom and will not take any advice, prodding or questioning. Indeed he told me the other day (I live 800 miles away) to back the F-OFF if I ever want anymore updates on mom.
I am sick and sleepless over this.
Often the person who isn't the primary will come in on their white horse and stir things up. Usually it isn't appreciated. What most caretakers want is someone to give them a break. Or money if its needed or respite care or for them to call and talk to mom or dad and brighten their day. Advice, not so much. I assume your brother is POA for your mom? Does he handle medical and financial? Are you concerned he isn't doing a good job with one or the other? Are you concerned that mom isn't safe? Do you know anyone in the area who can pay a visit and let you know how things are going? Is your upset that you have pushed brother to this point or is it over your parents care? Or maybe both? Tell us a bit about the issues that are making you sick and sleepless. Perhaps its time to visit?
i spend one week a month at mom's house. we were in agreement that she should have in-home care and suddenly that was "off limits'.
There was a big fight when my husband and i went down to visit for a week and found out that the septic system was disconnected... yes... as in pipe from house was cut off at the house! Primary care-giver was out of state at time and my husband who is Trustee of trust arranged to have the septic system working and sibling when nuclear on us saying we were way out of line!
Every flush was piling into the back yard!
And we were out of line for fixing it