Okay. i don't want to be a witch, but here it goes. my husband anf i live with my mother and i am her full time caregiver. we share bills and we buy most groceries. i do all housework. my problem isn't my siblings. they rarely visit. thsts a whole other issue. my problem is het grandkids. she has 7. including my 2 children. not bragging, just stating a fact, when my grown children visit they help pick up the house. they sometimes bring food with them. my nieces and nephews come over with their kids and trash the house and clean out the fridge and cupboards. i respect that this is their grandma's home. by all meansvisit. but thry do not seem to understand that things have changed. my mom cannot handle the amount of company that she used to. she sleeps much of the timr and is not well. they are very aware of this. most of the time they aren't even hete to see her. sometimes don't even go in her room to say hello. this is becoming a real problem. we live here. this is our home too. its like a revolving door here. i have to constantly clean up after them, watch their kids. they clean us out of food. its a nightmare. if she was living in my home, this wouldn't happen. it has to end. they are all adults with families now. they have to realize that this isn't the granny's house from when they were kids. i have enoygh stress as it is. i can't move out or even leave for the weekend. they don't offer to help my mom or give me a hand with her. as i am writing this, my nephew is here with his 3 kids. my mom is sleeping. he is over at the neighbors visiting. his kids are running through the house screaming. i have chosen to lock myself ib mt bedroom and let my husband deal with it. i will have to do clean up though. do i have a right to voice my opinion since its my moms hoyse? She is strange aboyt stuff luke that. she might get angry with me. but a part of me thinks that she needs to realuze that things have changed. she is 84 and in very pior health. she needs a caregiver and that is me. i can only take so much more of this! advice?
Kindly and calmly have a conversation with each family. It is sad that things have changed since the nieces and nephews were the little kids visiting, but, alas, they have changed. Explain that money is tight and that unfortunately means no more "open refrigerator" policy. Auntie needs her rest and a calm atmosphere. They are always welcome to visit, but the visits have to be planned ahead, and cannot last more than two hours. Be kind. Do not accuse. Do not criticize past behavior. Just lay out the new rules in a matter-of-fact and polite way.
It is not fair to leave your husband to deal with this chaos. It is not fair to your mother to be ignored while visitors make themselves at home. It is not fair to you to add to the already overwhelming burden of caregiving. Step up and insist (kindly) on changes. This is your house because you are living there, and it is your responsibility because you are taking care of Mother. Tame this chaos!
Good luck, and do come back and post how this goes.
After a few weeks the boundaries were set down as to what time visiting hours were and limits on how much visiting was allowed on weekends.
My Mother also slept a lot and we all needed a little down time in the evenings and on weekends without the constant company.
Our home is and was not a public facility open 24/7. This made us the terrible people in the family but it gave us a little sanity. 24/7 caregiving for someone unable to do anything for themselves is physically and emotionally draining and until someone walks in our shoes for for 6 months or more...they have no idea!
Best of luck!