to the care of my mother?
Mom is 83, healthy and narcissistic. She has left me out of everything to do with her business (POAs, executor of will, banking, etc.) I am not to be trusted because I asked Dad for money 25 years ago according to her (I did not). So from that day forward I was just another person she didn't like. The list is long.
My brother is very narcissistic also. He is the one who has made sure I heard all of the nasty comments mom has made about me. He just loves passing along the put downs. He has also told me "I am in charge because mom wants it that way" and "you WILL take care of mom, she is your responsibility". Haaaaaaaaaaaa to that.
My brother told me, "I will need you if she goes into the hospital or something and it is your responsibility to help". We no longer speak due to his nasty personality.
So I guess my question is, what would you all do with such nasty people.I barely talk to mom now and I haven't talked to my brother in almost a year. I am a decent person who doesn't want to not help my brother but I feel abused. Am I seeing this situation clearly. And don't tell me to have family meeting, no one will talk to me like an adult.
I guess I want to do the right thing but they don't deserve it. That is it in a nutshell.
Thank you all for the comments. I need them today.
Very well put.
Because you are a decent person with a sense of family loyalty, you probably won't manage not to feel a little guilty at times. Probably the only thing to do about that is expect it, then ride it out when it comes along.
But seeing as you are danged if you do and danged if you don't with these people, don't. It doesn't sound like your mother will welcome your help anyway. So, don't pick every time your brother calls. Pick up, say, 1 out of 3 calls. Take your time returning his messages. Maybe at the very end you make a couple of deathbed visits (but just ONE if there is any verbal or other abuse), and that's that. Protect yourself.
I am OK with all of that but I just don't want to lose my temper with my brother when he starts his dictating what is what. He was always the golden child and never left the small town pond. He also sees himself as a "Good Christen". You know the type? Judgmental and hates everyone who is not like him. Yes, he is very much like my mother, sad to say.
I just need some skills as to how not let these guys make me ever feel guilty. I am sure someone out there has had a situation where they have been treated badly and then used by family. I seem to read a lot of that on this site.
Personally, I'd tell your brother to piss off the next time he TELLS you you HAVE to take care of your mother and that you'll do it the next time there's a blizzard in hell...and I'd change my phone number while I was at it. The end and good riddance to both of them.