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If you think the court will pick someone over another, they could but I doubt it, it is in the courts interest to take the money trail and run, they have their own agenda. The court will see it as a disagreement and a right to seize what you think you had coming...your inheritance...
The downside to a court appointed guardian, they make all the decisions...selling the house,setting up spending of assets, or conservatoire except for the courts spending, but your family will never have a say so, everything is out of your hands, etc.
The upside to a court appointed guardian, the people who spent the money wrong or questionably, to begin with, won't be able to and you can distance yourself from these cockroaches who suck the life out of you...
In our case we were trying to protect the family home and get paid for caregiving through "cash and counseling"...they sold her house against her will and she is living with us, spending her money from the sale of her house on rent and daycare, as opposed to living in her house that was $14,000 cheaper...mandatory daycare (because the court sees that as necessity) even though she still socializes with lifetime friends and has cultural activities.
My advice would be to reconcile if you can, but if the relationships have deteriorated too much and they (the guardian at litem and the court) recommend you (the family) go in for a family meeting, they do not mean reconciling to your advantage, you (the family) will be on your way out.
I was poa and cared for mom for years, my brother stepped in to help me and took over poa becasue I had burnout. He turned into a dictator and barred me from having any say in moms care, I couldn't even ask the staff if she had a shower. Brother placed mom on memory meds that were contraindicated, I found out after mom ended up in ER. Meds were removed but info was still kept from me. Long story short I tried to regain poa but brother claimed mom was incompetent, and facility rejected my poa, I even had mom assessed by a neurologist on her competency. She was still able to decide this. My brother blocked it alonf with the facility. I tried to get guardianship. I was smeared by my brother that I was an elder abuser and the facility beleived him. The court ruled in his favor. After 9 months mother is in hospice after declining from other meds he placed her on that have made her dementia worse. Facility doctors, courts never beleived me. I am a wreck and am coping with losing my mother to a corrupt and cruel situation. Lawyers and courts took my money and my credibility, gov't agencies did nothing. I know the truth though. That's all I have.
It is really quite simple when you go before the Judge. In the event the parties cannot agree who should be guardian, the Judge will select an independent third party from the county list of attorney-guardians. Happens quite often. It very effectively ends the infighting.
As Pam said, you and siblings can disagree on who should be appointed, happens all the time. One thinks they will be better than another. Imagine what would happen if an emergency arose and you still aren't agreeing. Do yourselves a favor, agree on a third party geriatric care manager to serve as guardian. Yes it will cost some money, but my suspicion is that there probably are some assets that everyone is concerned with. Been there, done that! How is care for the parent being done now?
I'd first try having the two family members sit with a family counselor (one who's familiar with issues involving the elderly). They can help you both to be more objective about who would make the more logical choice for guardian. But, if instead, this is a matter of disagreement over who would be able to best protect (or best benefit) from the parent's assets or to get paid for care over the objections of the sibling, you'll need to duke it out yourselves if you want to keep that as the goal. If you go to the court, your parent's needs will be well met, but the court-appointed guardian will always make decisions based upon their client's best interest which is what Iwentanon experienced. Retaining the house as an inheritance for client's children is not the guardian's objective, best care for the client is, so they sold the house and used the proceeds for her care. It would be considered negligent of the attorney to put the desires of any other family member above the needs of the person for whom they are guardian. Sadly, hind sight is 20/20. If your family had sat down with an elder law attorney 5 years ago, all of this conflict could have been avoided.
Rural, exactly. If there is one thing I'm learning it's that I must either a) get things down on paper now or b) refrain from complaining when life comes and thumps me on the side of the head when I'm least expecting it! The thing is, especially at the moment, there's so much discussion at large about what we must do for elders/parents/the indigent elderly etc etc and hand-wringing and demographic time bombs… And I think, hang on. It's not our parents we're talking about. It's US. WE need to get our acts together.
Time gathers pace, don't you find? We'll be there before we know it. Eek.
Tried, I'm really, truly sorry to read your sad description.
For the sake of your peace of mind, take a step back. Unless your brother is a qualified medical practitioner, he cannot have 'placed' your mother on any medications. Therefore it is her illness, which was being treated by her physicians, that has worsened. Therefore it is not your permitting him to take over POA that has ultimately led to her decline, it is her illness; and however hard you fought, and however hard you had tried originally, nothing you or anyone could have done would have prevented its progression. Please take comfort.
Going back to the burnout, it sounds as if you - you, not me - feel that that was some kind of failure on your part. NO. Please try to find somebody you can talk this through with who can help you go right back to that point and look at what happened from there, step by step. It could take so much weight off your mind. Again, I'm so sorry for your mother's illness and your troubles.
I have a question, if you have another party that does not have a permanent address or has not been in contact, are you obligated to provide them a serve notice? My problem has been that I provided the last known address for the other party but that party is not available to respond.
I do not know, but the usual expectation in these things is that you will be expected to make 'reasonable' efforts to give notice to this person. Define reasonable, I know. But if you do know where this person is, I wouldn't try to avoid contacting him/her on the grounds that it isn't a permanent address.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The court will see it as a disagreement and a right to seize what you think you had coming...your inheritance...
The downside to a court appointed guardian, they make all the decisions...selling the house,setting up spending of assets, or conservatoire except for the courts spending, but your family will never have a say so, everything is out of your hands, etc.
The upside to a court appointed guardian, the people who spent the money wrong or questionably, to begin with, won't be able to and you can distance yourself from these cockroaches who suck the life out of you...
In our case we were trying to protect the family home and get paid for caregiving through "cash and counseling"...they sold her house against her will and she is living with us, spending her money from the sale of her house on rent and daycare, as opposed to living in her house that was $14,000 cheaper...mandatory daycare (because the court sees that as necessity) even though she still socializes with lifetime friends and has cultural activities.
My advice would be to reconcile if you can, but if the relationships have deteriorated too much and they (the guardian at litem and the court) recommend you (the family) go in for a family meeting, they do not mean reconciling to your advantage, you (the family) will be on your way out.
But, if instead, this is a matter of disagreement over who would be able to best protect (or best benefit) from the parent's assets or to get paid for care over the objections of the sibling, you'll need to duke it out yourselves if you want to keep that as the goal.
If you go to the court, your parent's needs will be well met, but the court-appointed guardian will always make decisions based upon their client's best interest which is what Iwentanon experienced. Retaining the house as an inheritance for client's children is not the guardian's objective, best care for the client is, so they sold the house and used the proceeds for her care. It would be considered negligent of the attorney to put the desires of any other family member above the needs of the person for whom they are guardian.
Sadly, hind sight is 20/20. If your family had sat down with an elder law attorney 5 years ago, all of this conflict could have been avoided.
Time gathers pace, don't you find? We'll be there before we know it. Eek.
For the sake of your peace of mind, take a step back. Unless your brother is a qualified medical practitioner, he cannot have 'placed' your mother on any medications. Therefore it is her illness, which was being treated by her physicians, that has worsened. Therefore it is not your permitting him to take over POA that has ultimately led to her decline, it is her illness; and however hard you fought, and however hard you had tried originally, nothing you or anyone could have done would have prevented its progression. Please take comfort.
Going back to the burnout, it sounds as if you - you, not me - feel that that was some kind of failure on your part. NO. Please try to find somebody you can talk this through with who can help you go right back to that point and look at what happened from there, step by step. It could take so much weight off your mind. Again, I'm so sorry for your mother's illness and your troubles.
I do not know, but the usual expectation in these things is that you will be expected to make 'reasonable' efforts to give notice to this person. Define reasonable, I know. But if you do know where this person is, I wouldn't try to avoid contacting him/her on the grounds that it isn't a permanent address.
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