I'm working on having my father's FTD diagnosed. My family didn't want to invite me to my aunt's 60th birthday party because they don't want my father there. They are afraid he will give them a disease. He is filthy and smelly but he's not contagious. He doesn't want to go anywhere anyway but isn't it rude to deliberately tell a family member they are not allowed to go to a major family event? Now, I feel like I'm being ostracized because I'm associated with him. Aside from continuing to work on getting him help, how do I get my family not to disassociate with me?
We reach a point where we can no longer tack "but they mean well" to the end of every account of someone's boneheaded-ness. Because it's not true. It's an empty cliche.
Stand tall, take care of yourself, and find your strength where you can. (Hint: It won't be family!) Blessings to you. It's one heckuva road we walk.
I'm not being sarcastic or cruel, just attempting to assess the situation based on your description, and from that, it doesn't seem as though they have anything to offer. I do understand though that it's difficult to be ostracized because of your father's condition.
I think though that you're getting insight into the lack of support you could ever expect from them going forward. And from what you write, I think they'd only complicate life for you and your father if they decided to involve themselves in his care.
Perhaps you're better off w/o them. Again, don't take this the wrong way - but your description of them doesn't suggest they're very compassionate or understanding people.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You have it hard enough; it's bad enough family vanishing without trace when you need help, let alone vanishing and telling you not to come and look for them.
Their apparent, total lack of compassion for your father or interest in his welfare is also... unimpressive.
You've tried sarcasm, have you? "Gee, thanks for your help everyone. I'll do the same for you some day..."
How long do you think it will be before you can hope for any progress on your father's care?
Bathrooms are very confusing places for people with dementia because the walls and floor all blend. Teepa explains exactly what to do to prepare the bathroom for someone with dementia. Both of you will feel better if he gets a bath on a regular basis.
Once he's clean, I also urge you to invite some of his loving and compassionate friends, family, or neighbors for a visit. Play his favorite music. Prepare some of his favorite foods. Look through old photo albums. Make as many happy memories with your dad as time and his illness will allow. Forget people who don't support you or him. Rise above their pettiness and lead by example. Good luck!
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