Both parents passed their license exam last fall, unsure to this day how. For several months, Mom has had to tell Dad how to get around town; where to turn, how far to go, even how to get to the next town to church when he goes alone on Sunday. She has not driven in several yrs due to poor vision. On Wed, he got in the car and 2 hrs later, the local police called my sister to say that they had found him 1 mile away in the Walmart parking lot, very confused. He had stopped someone walking by and he was not making sense, didn't know where he was, where he lived, how he got there or how to get back. EMS/PD were called, he refused to go to the hospital. My sister arrived and drove him home, the car and drivers license were taken away pending another DMV test. So, needless to say he is very angry and thinks everyone is "ganging up" on him. He promises to let Mom do the driving but we all know how that will play out. Background: he's always bullied his way around to get his own way. My mother has always cowered down and does everything to keep him happy. Last Oct we moved them from their home to a lovely senior apartment 1 mile from town, the hospital, doctor, grocery store/pharmacy, they both say they like it there and seem to have settled in ok. This was at their request, not our agenda. There are 3 other apartments in the bldg. and they have met the other people there but my parents are not social butterflies.
I'm concerned that he may be having TIAs; he recently passed a mini-mental status exam at his PCP office and had a CT scan of his brain, we don't have results yet. I explained my concern that he could go off the road, go the wrong way in the driving lane, pull out in front of someone and kill himself or worse, someone else; he threw the phone down on the floor thus ending the conversation. They refuse to have help come to the apartment; in fact they have fired 5 housekeepers over the years. They really could use help w/ personal care, light housekeeping, meal prep etc. My siblings who live nearby are doing the cleaning on the weekends, preparing meals because mother has burned things up on the stove. We're at a loss as to what to do, we can all see how they could live safer if they would allow private care but they become quite angry when we approach the topic. We get that they don't want to lose independence, no one wants to take that away. I would be grateful for any suggestions.
May I ask what time of day did Dad leave to go to town? If it was mid-afternoon, it could be what is called "sundowning" where an elder who is doing ok thinking wise in the morning but gets forgetful in the afternoon. My Dad had that. If that is the case, maybe your Dad could drive early morning, after rush hour.
My own Dad thought about having my Mom do the driving, too, but she was legally blind, but Dad said he would tell her when to stop, when to turn, when the light changes, etc. But Dad had forgotten that Mom can't hear anymore.
Does the senior apartment facility offer mini-bus service to different stores? If yes, time for your parents to give it a try... have them do a test-drive one day to see how it works :)
You've reached the tough part of being a "kid"...the part where you have to ignore what your parents want and get them what they need.
I'd suggest taking out the battery for replacement. And forgetting to bring the replacement until someone is hospitalized and won't remember you took the car with that same battery away to sell it.
Before his dementia diagnosis, my husband sat in his car in a neighborhood he hadn't intended to be in, and then wandered into a nearby restaurant. He was confused, slurring his speech, etc. They assumed low blood sugar and gave him a glass of orange juice. By the time I got there he seemed fine. We took precautions about his blood sugar and continued as we were. Looking back this was probably an early warning about his dementia. He had a couple of other incidents before we caught on. I wish I'd investigated that first time more thoroughly!
Giving up driving was the worst part of having dementia, according to my husband. He literally mourned his little special edition Mazda for a year. That was very sad, but it HAD to be done.
From what you write, I'm not so sure your parents would be able to stay in independent housing even if they would allow help to come in. But, one thing at a time. Do everything you can do to get both you parents off the road.