My mother just had a 2nd surgery. How do I get control of my mother and her living situation? The husband has power of attorney and is very evil towards me. Can my mom sign the POA paper and then he loses POA? She almost died due to this man and he wants her to go back to the REMOTE HILLS with him!! It is a nightmare!! She is in the neuro/ICU right now!
When you say that he is "completely incompetent" I take it you mean it in the casual meaning of "not able to function well" and not that a court has declared him unable to make decisions for himself. Right?
Is there anything wrong with your mother's cognitive abilities? If she understands what the POA document means, she can name a new POA (such as you) and rescind any previous document. She could also simply rescind previous document without assigning a replacement, but it really sounds like she needs someone to look after her interests.
If your Mom is of sound mind, she can do what she wants. But it sounds like an abuse situation that maybe your Mom is in denial.
I can understand why you would want to be your Mom's Power of Attorney, and once she is out of ICU, see if she wants to change her Power of Attorney. Maybe she is afraid, doesn't want to make waves with your Dad. Why is Dad angry at you or is that Dad's memory issues doing the talking?
More information would be helpful.
If she can't, or for some reason does not want to (fear maybe) you can try to get Guardianship of her.
This would or could be problematic. You would have to go to court. It can be an expensive process. And you would have to return to court once in a while to report on her status.
If you think there is a real danger getting POA from her husband (I am guessing he is a step-father).
If there is a danger to your Mom if she returns home, if she is still in a hospital or rehab at this point talk to the social worker and explain the situation. Or talk to Social Services or a local Senior Center. No facility would release a patient to a living situation that is dangerous for them.
As stated above a little more info would be more helpful to pinpoint an answer.
It sounds as though your mom is unwilling to stand up for herself against her husband, even when his choices are not in her best interest, which is really a marital issue.
But
I am elderly.
I have given my daughter the ability to "be me" on my computer .
I do all my bill paying on line by auto bill pay. She is able to monitor, move money in or out of my checking and savings accounts AND my joint account with my husband who has vascular dementia but was able to give informed consent.
So far that has worked for us.