My Father is apparently incontinent as far as urine is concerned and he won't change his 'pull-ups' regularly. Any advice?
The apt smells really BAD! My sister goes to visit at least once a week and she has said that it is bad enough sometimes when she cleans that it burns her eyes! I've bought anti-stink products and my sister has used them, but it doesn't seem to help. My dad has been told that there have been complaints about the smell, and if things don't change they may be asked to leave the retirement village. It doesn't seem to affect him. It seems a pity that my mother may have to suffer because he's just too lazy to change his underwear after he leaks.
He has said that if he changed after every time he leaks that "They'd be covered-up in 'em!" I don't know what that means if they just take out the garbage every day. I think that that's just an excuse to keep doing what he's doing, stupid or not.
I used to think that it might be be due to the expense. A big box of them out at Costco is over $40 dollars after all. Then I did a cost break down and found out that these little items are only about 50 cents apiece. Cheap, in my opinion, if that'll solve the stink problem, but what do I know?
He recently had to go to the VA for treatment of a bladder infection. My sister tried to tell him that that was probably due to his not changing his underwear often enough, but he just ignored her and said "It could happen to anyone."
My sister and I have run out of ideas other than putting him in a Skilled Nursing facility, but dad has said repeatedly that he'd rather DIE than go to a Nursing Home! If he doesn't change his 'wicked ways' (joke) he may get that wish!
Any suggestions would be welcome. Thanks in advance.
My loved one started out refusing to bathe, change her clothes or her linens. They were filthy, but she just said she was okay with it. Her behavior was exasperating, but it progressed until it was diagnosed as dementia. I would check on other things and see if you can figure out what is really causing this urine problem with your dad.
If he will listen to reason and change his behavior, that's great, but if he refuses, then I would start to figure a way to get him help. Your mom may not be able to handle it, if she is already overwhelmed.
I can certainly understand his reluctance to change, if he leaks often this involves removing shoes, pants and pullup and then cleaning up, which really can get to be a chore! They have guards for men which you may find helpful, he could use them inside his pullup, then he would only have to change the guard and the pullup would be there for back up. More economical too. You also might encourage him to clean up with baby wipes, they do a good job and will help him feel fresh and clean, just be sure he knows not to flush them!
I'm concerned about the cause of his incontinence, has anyone spoken to the doctor about it? Has he had his prostate check ups?
Just getting my dad to wear Depends was a huge chore but this habit he got into of hanging onto them became another hurdle. I think elderly people just have a really difficult time emotionally and mentally with the Depends issue.
There are products on the market which cwillie mentioned that can help. There are pads that go into the crotch of the Depends. Or you can probably just use a woman's maxi-pad. And like cwillie said, once the pad is soiled your dad can clean up with some wipes and not have to change his clothes as long as he does change the pad when it becomes soiled. He should check it about every 2 hours.
This year I noticed my parents were saving their Depends and pads and reusing them... good grief.... no wonder the house had a smell. Dad now has Caregivers who get after him to change. They have place the Depends on the lid of the toilet so there is no excuse of not finding them. And Dad now takes a shower daily. We have thrown on the old kitchen chair cushions.
We always had large towels on the sofa because of cat hair, but when my parents came over to visit, I would hid a blue-sheet pad under the towel just in case.
I understand how difficult it is when change is needed - taking off shoes, pants,etc and then reversing order once new ones are in place, and it takes a lo-o-ong time, but at least he is still doing it for himself. Thank goodness!
We're also dealing with the showering issue despite hubby removing tub and installing walk-in shower with fold-up seat for convenience and safety. I occasionally have to resort to requesting a complete change of clothing and then standing by to be sure the dirty clothes are not put back on (it HAS happened) in confusion. I also check dresser drawers and closet regularly where dirty items quite often wind up by mistake! I bring soiled items over to my home for laundering as we have had to disable/lock out all appliances over at Dad's home.
I'm not complaining though. I'm very happy that Dad is still able to do so much for himself at this point, but I know as time progresses this will change. It is just all so sad. . .
Don't try to take on the full responsibility yourself.
You don't want to resent your father in law. It may interfere with other family relationships.
Good luck
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