My father refuses to pay assisted living facility or give my POA. Suggestions?

Well, then you better pursue Guardian status ASAP. See a lawyer and ask for emergency guardianship pending a full hearing. If you don't, the ALF will definitely call in APS who will get a court order for protective custody. They will gain full financial control of all his assets, as well as control over his placement and care.

Guardianships are horrible. I am a paralegal. The paper is a nightmare. His DPOA and HCS designate me but unless a doctor declares him incapacitated, no bank will let me sign his checks. I have no interest in being my father's guardian. He has made my life a living hell since I turned 18. I think the answer is to keep nagging the doctors until they declare him incapacitated. They know he is incapacitated but are too busy to deal with paperwork. I appreciate your advice but you don't know how horrible a legal guardianship is. Thank God my mother willingly gave me DPOA and HCS powers and has a trust so I can pay her bills and discuss her care with her doctors to make sure she is getting the best treatment possible. Can a person be legally forced to live in a nursing home if he does not want to do so? He is banging his head against the wall, falling down all the time despite their 24/7 supervision (they can't tie him to the wheelchair so they can't prevent falls). He begs for euthanasia when I visit him.

If the ALF (or is it a nursing home) has told you they will turn his case over to the State and they would likely appoint a guardian to take care of him then isn't that your best solution? It sounds as though you not close and are already involved more than you want to be.
And as a paralegal you know better than forging a signature, not only is it illegal, it could cost you your job.

Yes, somebody taking over would be the best solution, but that person should be his son, whom he is close with, rather than the state. I don't trust the state to do anything for him other than take his assets and dump him in a home where there are so few nurses that patients sit is shitty diapers for hours before someone gives them a shower and clean underwear. I do not like my father, but he is still my father and he deserves decent care from the son he gave all his money to. The problem is that legally children have NO OBLIGATION to take care of their parents. It is a moral obligation and he is an atheist who believes he owes nobody anything and has a right to live for himself and ignore his family.

Regarding forging the check, who would know? The bank? Unless my father called the bank and complained that someone forged a check they ignore it and a man with dementia can't call the bank. As a paralegal, I know enough to know how to break the law and get away with it without losing my job or being charged with a third degree felony for giving out legal advice without a license. Thanks for your answer. I appreciate all answers. I have no children. If I get dementia, who is going to deal with the paperwork to get me into a nursing home?

Will your father add you to his checking account? Then you can write checks with n o fear to pay his bills, and if he passes you will be able to pay any bills left easily? This can be done with out a POA

Socrates, using foul language on this site does not help your situation or credibility. I do not understand the need to use different profiles. Having a mental illness is a disease and not shameful. Your mention of U tube makes no sense in regards to this site. Not following the laws of the land because you feel they are corrupt will only makes things a lot worse for you. You came to this site looking for advice about your father, here it is: Forget about your brother helping it isn't going to happen and as far as you are concerned, you have enough issues of your own to take care of. Your father needs more professional help than you can provide for him.

What happened to the other postings? They just disappeared!

I agree with Pammzimm. If you can be on the checking account as a signer, then you can pay the bills. If you have a DPOA, it ends with his death, but since you are on the account, you can pay the bills, deposit the insurance checks, etc. It is handy to have a will in place, too, and if you are the executor, you can transition from POA to the executor role and take care of the final matters. The account will be frozen when the bank learns of his death, so factor that into your plans to cover the time between that and when the estate can be managed. I have not figured out yet how to do that part. Perhaps someone on this site will have experience with this and clue us in.

Johnny, since mom had less than 30K left in the bank and the Will could not be found, we filed a "voluntary administrator" form at county court. Filing fee was only $1. A few weeks later the court sent the fiduciary papers to us.

Hej pamstegma, I like it when things are simple and cheap to do.

Socrates, I would go to his doctor and ask for a written statement to use to get him help and simply wait there for it. The doctor of the friend for whom I have POA could do this quickly. Or, I could phone his nurse, have her take care of it and then pick it up later. You can brink that paper and your father to the bank to get on his account as a signer if you don't have POA. If you download the POA form, the bank can have your father sign it and then notarize it to make it official. Good luck-- it sounds like time is short on getting something worked out.

I strongly suggest that the people seeking legal advice on this site contact a lawyer for a free consultation. That is the easier way to get the correct answer, if you can not find it online. There are also statutes you can check to determine the laws. The statutes are different in every state. In Florida, you can find the statutes at flsenate. If you have no legal background the terminology might be confusing so it is best to ask if you don't understand something. This site is EXCELLENT for empathy. I met a girl on here who sister was clearly abusing her and using undue influence. I expressed sympathy and told her what her legal options are. It is a third degree felony to give out legal advice without a license. Only people who have passed the bar exam in your state can give you good advice and they often give free advice if you find a kind one -- and they are out there -- I have worked for many kind liberal lawyers and also for a few complete jerks. This site is great if you need emotional support, someone who has been there and understands and give can empathize. That helps a lot and is not a third degree felony. I know a lot of people out there consider me a troll because I am amused at people's stupidity. I apologize for doing anything to hurt anyone. I assure you I do not enjoy causing people pain and would be glad to help anyone would does not know a lawyer. I am allowed to give out legal facts. I can tell you how the probate court works, what trusts do, etc. If you ask should I set up a Will or a Trust, I can only give you my personal opinion and I cannot give legal advice on that type of question. I care about the woman who is being used by her sister because I have an atheist brother who is a monster and I can offer such a person empathy, compassion, and kind words. I did not come on this site to be an obnoxious pest. I know I have offended GardenArtist by pretending to be my mother and people are angry that I think they are stupid. I apologize. I have a lot of anger inside me and am seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist and I take a lot of medication. The only reason I call myself Socrates is because my favorite commentor in the New York Times is a black liberal professor who conceals her name and calls herself Socrates and her comments are always awesome. She is very educated and has a witty way of explaining corruption. To all of those who offended, please forgive me. To all of those I have pissed off, I'm sorry. To all of those who need help, I'm here to help you -- but not with legal advice --- with emotional support.

Socrates, " you are amused at people's stupidity". That says so much about your character!!!
You are an admitted TROLL, Now go Away!

What the heck?! Socrates claims to be an attorney on another thread!

Glad, Socrates f/k/a LisaStevens f/k/a Beverly HegDal claims to be a paralegal but also claims to be disabled so apparently she (or he, as a troll can be either gender) isn't working.

There is no way that this person could be an attorney; the posts prove that.

Never said I was an attorney. I just know many and have worked for them in the past when I was young and healthy. I am not amused that people are stupid nor am I enjoying stories of people suffering. I have given some good advice because people checked what I wrote as a helpful answer, especially that poor girl with the sister who wants to take all the money BEFORE her mother dies.

Trolls are not evil. They are often trying to teach you something. If you don't like what they say you can ignore them. If you like their advice you can accept it. I don't want to ask questions....I want to answer them....and you do NOT have to be an attorney to answer a question on this site. Many non lawyers respond using fictitious names.

Socrates, No, you're evil! Didn't you use up all of your MOTHER'S MONEY, and now that it's almost gone, were looking for a way around the laws of the 5 year look back? So that you could place your Mom in a Nursing home? Oh ya, that thread got pulled by the Administration of the AC, and then you came back under the guise of another name, or 2? You're here just to annoy and to amuse yourself, that's blatantly obvious! In fact, several of your threads under different names have been pulled by the AC Administration! And now you're throwing around legal aid as if you are above the law. You are not! Wait, I think I hear your Mother crying, why don't you go and tend to Her, if she really exists!?

Socrates, we have plenty of long time/real name ( sort of but not changing every day) people who want to "teach us" something.. most of us don't want to be "taught" we want support and suggestions.. not made up questions and answers. There are enough Queen Bees here already.. just be upfront and don;t make up drama. I for one have enough in my life... And you admit you don;t want to "ask" questions... so just... stop

Sorry if I offended anyone... just MHO

Pam, YOU aren't the one who's offending people!

I don't want to ask questions and I have every right to answer them. If the administrators don't like my answers they can delete them. Lawyers only tell you how to follow the law and deal with a lot of bull. I tell people how to avoid all that bull. Since I have no law degree and learned everything from my former employers I can not be disbarred. Everyone on this site is giving advice with no license and I have a right to do the same. If you don't like my advice don't take it but stop trying to take away my freedom of speech. Most stupid people don't want to be taught anything.....until they have a problem they cannot solve.....then they run to me. I can't figure out how to use Turbotax to file my 1040, they claim, and I help them, for free. My mother passed away and I don't know what to do. I prepared a Notice of Trust for her for free -- this document can be filed by anyone who knows how to file it and does not require the signature of a lawyer. I did not charge money for this help. My massage therapist could not get info from the doctor about her mother's health conditions. I prepared a health care surrogate form for her and gave it to her as a tip. Go ahead and call me evil if you want but you don't know what is in my heart. I might be very angry at the men in my family, but I want to help people. I enjoy helping people. I did not spend any of my mother's assets. I put them in a CD and am using the interest income to pay for a private RN for her, so please don't tell me I'm a lousy caregiver. It is a 24/7 job. I can't even go to the bathroom without her asking a question and waiting for me to come out. I need advice on how to be a better caregiver, how to lose my temper and become impatient less often and am seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for help. I spent none of my mother's assets and I am not broke and will hopefully NEVER need Medicaid or food stamps because I know how awful it is to be poor in this country, even though I am not. Grew up in Chestnut Hill MA -- almost as liberal as the west coast --- but I left before Warren was elected. I admire her.

Socrates you are clearly not understanding why some people are very rattled. You have come on here in several guises. You have only yourself to blame ...... lied about your father being dead then alive so whichever it is becomes immaterial - you lied and that will really touch a nerve for those of us who adored their fathers and would do almost anything to have their fathers alive.

Then you put yourself forward as a paralegal - then you say you DON'T offer advice but facts. The you say you act pro bono which in paralegal terms means you should also have indemnity insurance.
But you then tell us you DO offer advice: I tell people how to avoid all that bull. Since I have no law degree and learned everything from my former employers I can not be disbarred.
No but you may be sued if you act in that guise

We have people on here with FAR MORE experience in the legal field than you and while we can determine from their writing that they clearly have a legal background they don't thrust it down our throats or make us feel stupid for asking any question we need to ask

No-one disputes this next bit:
Everyone on this site is giving advice with no license and I have a right to do the same. If you don't like my advice don't take it but stop trying to take away my freedom of speech.

HOWEVER to wrap it in the cover of 'I am a paralegal so I must be right you should listen to me because I am smarter than you' which is not exactly what you are saying but that is how it is coming across will fuel the fire of anger in a lot of people.

The people in here are well meaning, loving, caring people. They understand dysfunctional families- many need the support of people who don't judge then for whatever reason and the open their hearts feeling able, many for the first time, of expressing how painful their lives are or were.

They understand how families are torn apart by feuding siblings - many have the experience of personally going through that trauma and KNOWING which is the best route emotionally for them AND that this is not the same for everyone.

It IS NOT always about money,
IT IS FOR MOST PEOPLE about keeping some form of sanity that will enable them to negotiate the dark long road of handling someone with whatever form of dementia they have.
IT IS about handling their troubles and emotions in a way that is best for them and that they can live with afterwards.

Your previous advice to make a siblings life hell on earth would be wholly inappropriate for someone who may suffer terrible angst afterwards. Being poor or rich for you is seeming to be about money - let me tell you this. I personally don't give a rat's backside how much money a person has, I would take a person with a good heart and who lives a life devoted to helping others explore and reach the full extent of THEIR potential over a wealthy person any day.

The people on here aren't stupid..... so they make mistakes...we all do...those who never do anything wrong have usually never done anything. Just as you are entitled to express an opinion we are also entitled to express how we loathe being lied to.

I am livid for other reasons too but that is not for this forum