mommyjen12998 Asked July 2015
My Father with COPD won't bathe, says he can't breathe. Any advice?
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He is 80 and has had COPD for about 20 years. I came to live with him in 2012 and he has not bathed once. Can't get him to do more than a sink bath once a week. He smells, all the furniture in the house has had to be replaced because of the oily stains and the new stuff covered with blankets so he doesn't ruin it. I offered to get him a shower chair and a back brush and he said he would do it, but still hasn't. I am at my wits end. I understand him not being able to breathe though, I've tried putting fans in there to vent out the steam, but he still won't do it. Help?
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My father didn't like to bathe. Before I got here, he would go months without bathing. It was not healthy. The skin on men's private parts needs a good cleaning frequently to keep it healthy. We didn't give my father an option about bathing. We told him it was time to bathe and got things ready for him. Once or twice a week is good if he does a sink bath on other days. My father always felt better after he bathed, but it never made him dread it less.
If he uses it often enough, he can remain odor free. It's a product that's used in some hospitals in my area.
I assume he uses oxygen 24/7? If he does, I can understand the discomfort from bathing in a room in which humidity is raised by water. From experience, fans don't really remove the humidity- they just move it around. A dehumidifier might work better, but I tried one in a small environment and it just made the room hotter because there wasn't enough air to ventilate the heat from the machine.
I do have a small portable dehumidifier that I use occasionally. I'm not convinced it's really worth what I paid for it, however.
Some foods can aggravate respiratory conditions, especially in hot weather. I've found that foods high in processed ingredients, especially sugar, can cause nasal congestion and make breathing harder. Chocolate in winter can be great, but in summer it oftens forces me to get out a nasal spray. Perhaps you can alter his diet to decrease the processed foods; I have a suspicion he's not eating well either.
I'm wondering though if there's something else going on with his refusal and apparent loss of interest in personal hygiene. Does he have other medical issues? Do you have the sense that he "just doesn't care any more?"
I think you would be justified in finding other living arrangements, because I suspect the situation isn't going to get any better, and the odors could be affecting your physical health - they likely will affect your mental health too.
There's a limit to how much a son or daughter can tolerate when the parent isn't cooperating.
And I'll have to get a hand held shower, I've been meaning to anyway.
Thank you both.
As far as the bathing goes, could he get in and out of the tub and just take a bubble bath or something? Rather than a shower I mean. Does he have a long time friend who could, man to man, tell him that he needs to bathe?
I think your husband would not be the right person for this job, since they do not get along already.
If there is a window in the bathroom, maybe you could crack it just a little bit to ventilate the steam.