I am in therapy and working hard to hold on. I feel sad and displaced in this family as the scapegoat/caregiver. My dad is horrible to me. I try to please the narcissist but it won't ever work. I feel like I have run out of time for my own life and resigned to being hated and unloved. He really groomed his kids and wife to be his audience and turn on one another. It is terrible and yet I feel horrid for leaving and letting my mom be at the mercy of his nastiness. My siblings don't care nor help they just bash me and talk badly w my dad about me. I feel I have wasted my life and I am trying not to give up but I am incredibly broken and sad. I am trying but I wonder the point of it when I feel so beaten down with his awful mood swings and two faced behavior that has stripped me of family support. Been going on since I was born.
Hang in there! There is a better life ahead for you.
I too wanted some help, validation and acknowledgement, but it was impossible. I was a terrible pleaser my whole life. Everyone knows me as a doormat. But please don't follow in my footsteps. There is hope. You can start over. Its never too late to start over.
Thinking of you.
I am so glad, Scaredtaker, that you are in therapy! Keep it up and try to comply with the treatment plan. Since most treatment plans would include an antidepressant or anti-anxiety med, I think Pam was just assuming you had a med to take. But maybe there isn't a good med for "I-am-from-a-dysfunctional-family" misery.
You couldn't help be groomed as the family scapegoat when you were a child. But you can help yourself now! Not easy! Definitely not easy. But you can do it, and it is worth the effort.
Try focused apathy. Try detaching from these toxic people. Take care of yourself first. But above all, believe that you do have a life ahead of you, and it can be a much better life than you've had so far. You deserve that. Hang in there! Stay in therapy and comply with the treatment plan!
Come here often and let us know how it is going. We care.