And doing what I want to do without caregiving duty. My two adult kids & I had tentatively planned on meeting at a family resta urant that she finds comfortable, but after a short illness she is slower than usual, tires easily and gets more confused. I am feeling burned out (she lives with me) and would just enjoy time withiut the caregiving burden. Would like to try a new restaurant which I know she would not like & ordering from an unfamiliar menu will be arduous. Am I being selfish for wanting to change our plans to not include her? On one hand it is my birthday; on the other I would not be here without her. She & I could have our own special celebration later in the day, but her grandkids would not be able to attend due to work. Help! Major guilt attack!
So, depending on your relationship with your parent, how much stress you have endured for them, having a birthday celebration Without your parent should be your caregiver Respite. This is a time when you can enjoy this special day without having to cater and cajole a parent to 'behave' or worry or be embarrassed, etc... Just think of it as the one day in the year for YOUR day off from caregiving. We do deserve this. You can always make up for it on Their birthday.
I don't take my father to restaurants anymore because it's no outing for me, only a very unpleasant chore and I just resent him more for it.
Have a good time with your own kids and don't fall into the trap that caregivers must provide restaurant outings for their parents. Caregiving is no picnic let alone steering them around when you go out.
Listen to MaggieMarshall. Have a mother-daughter celebration, too.
Get a care giver for your mom (if she needs one) and leave her at home. You and mom have that little celebration together. After all, her grandkids weren't WITH you both on your REAL birthday. Ha!
Go to a little extra trouble -- maybe make the celebration a little special by getting a small (her favorite) kind of cake that's decorated with "Here's to Mom!! Today's my birthday!" (or some-such) Candles. Some sparkling grape juice to toast yourselves, some great big hugs. Your mom will be delighted.
Save room for dessert. ;)
Have a wonderful day. You absolutely positively deserve it!!