25 years ago I began having panic and anxiety attacks when I was pregnant. I have had problems off and on since then but never really KNEW or FOUND OUT HOW TO STOP THEM. IT WAS MORE LIKE USE Xanax UNTIL THEY STOPPED. I have done deep breathing, walking up and down the street and its 1 am, praying,also done all the imaging stuff and I am finding nothing that really works.
i am caring for Mom basically alone even though my older sister lives with us. Her and my younger sister work and I am on disability so I am the one left at home to deal with all situations alone. Older sister stays at work past quitting time so she does not have to deal with Mom or anything else. She has started trying to come home a bit earlier this past week but it may be too little and too late. I have felt pretty much like I was being treated as a slave for some time but I was living with it, I had no choice. Now the panic and anxiety attacks have begun again and it is based on being stuck in this house all the time and shouldering the care giving alone.
I see a therapist in my home once a week. I am so fearful of this becoming worse and me not being able to care for Mom at all as I will wind up being the crazy person who cannot handle stress again.. I worked hard to get past this and with it starting again, I just want it to stop!! I just do not know how to control it.
I had been trying to leave the house each weekend to see that life really exists outside these four walls but older sister had a fit that I ways always leaving with my younger sister and demanded that it stop, it is jealousy. She actually told me I had to ask her permission before I left the house! I told her to basically F Off! The last 3 weekends I have sat at home all weekend long and she has NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE THE ENTIRE WEEKEND, NEVER EVER LEFT!. I personally don't give a crap what she says any longer, she leaves this house every single day. Yes she is going to work, but she is out of this house and dealing with kids and other teachers and staff, so she has some resemblance of a life...I STOPPED HAVING A LIFE IN 1997 WHEN i BECAME ILL, SO MY YOUNGER SISTER AND HER DAUGHTER ARE MY ONLY FRIENDS. Just running to have my blood drawn at the lab this morning was like I had been set free.
If I could just get my mother to agree to leave the house to go to a park, or the store, just anyplace to get out of here I think it would help but she flat out refuses. I think she feels very uncomfortable leaving her normal surroundings so she is like an immovable bull in a 95 pound body. The only place she has been willing to go in the past has been the cemetery where her family is buried. At this point I am willing to go there if it means being outside and away from here.
I think obviously the thing I have to do is find someone who can stay with her so I can leave the house. How do I go about finding a company or agency that is reputable that I can trust and it doesn't cost $25 an hour.
I really need any input that you may have on dealing with the panic and anxiety, overcoming it hopefully permanently and I would greatly appreciate your input on finding someone to stay with Mom or giving advice on what else i can/should do.
I need a solution as my sister is trying to break me, because she wants me to have to give up POA over my mother. I cannot do that, she was using Mom's money to pay her bills with no intention of ever paying it back. HELP!!!!!
and as far as the giraffe statue! lol.....mom and I have a lot of nice furniture and home decor and we decided to sell. As such I needed to make ads with pictures. Hence the "moving everything"....
I am very Type A.
I used to think I was a control freak, but over time I have let people "control" me so they would love me!
Crazy backwards thinking.
I have panic disorder that rears its ugly head every 10-20 years. I have to deal with it, because it will turn into agoraphobia if I don't. It can be so hard to deal with. Despite the panic that was crippling at times, I was able to work as a teacher until I took early retirement to do other things I wanted to do. (Taking care of parents was NOT on that list!)
Something that helped me dealing with the panic was knowing the attacks are self-limiting. You won't die or go crazy. You won't have a heart attack or stroke. They will crest, then go away. There are two natural things that really help me -- water and good food. I'm more likely to panic when my sugar is low. I also learned a lot about self soothing. Everyone does this different. It sounds like your self soothing would mean getting away for a while and maybe having a bite to eat or just sitting by a river. I always find peace in watching water flow away from me, so I face downstream. It is like the water carries my concerns away with it.
A big thing that has helped me is my motto in life: Feel the fear and do it anyway. I think I got the motto from the title of a book. I use this motto when I feel I can't face situations that make me anxious. The motto works so well with me. It reminds me that I succeeded in the past and can do it again, to just go ahead and do it.
I hope that you can figure out what your body is telling you that you need to do. I think working it through with a therapist is a wonderful suggestion. I wish they had a lot of free therapists around. Those people can be expensive unless insurance will cover it.
I love my mother but I am not made to be a sole caretaker. Not everyone was born to be great at this. Mom is still in a rehab/skilled nursing facility and coming home is still up in the air BUT I have learned some things:
1) I have to have at least a little physical and emotional distance from mom in order to preserve my physical and mental health. I don't want it to be that way but well, it is. I simply can not “do it all” and stay well. And I’m going to stay well.
2) There ARE resources out there or you. Find your local Agency on Aging or senior citizen advocacy place or caregiver support group (a local hospital may know) or adult day program. Whether it’s private insurance, Medicaid, Medicare, there are funds that your mom qualifies for. My local Alzheimer’s group had a Respite Grant that helped me get in-home help so I could get OUT.
3) Continue to pursue any small or brief activity that allows you to clear your head, breathe deeply and re-center. Stick with counseling. Google “anxiety” and find simple steps to keep yours in check. YOU are in charge of your reactions to things that cause stress – they are not in charge of you. Fight it. Stick with your medicines, and doctor’s advice. Ask your doctor for herbal or over the counter items that may help with anxiety. I found it helpful to collect positive quotes, cute inspirational pictures and sayings, scripture and humorous postings – great for maintaining a hopeful attitude AND for encouraging my mother.
4) You can not do a thing for your mom if you are not healthy. Sometimes making a decision for skilled nursing or assisted living is best for you and your parent – and that distance will save your relationship.
I wish you and your family peace and well-being. In the end, family and health are the most important things. Without them intact, you can not care for mom in a way that serves her best.
I take care of my mom who is 85 years old but she can still drive and my brother lives with her not ME right now so its easy to give advice but I do hope you develop a way to have time for yourself TRY the alzheimers association in your county; they provide FREE respite care for ca regiv er s. Just one id ea.
Have a ritual that you do every day to calm down: meditation, a bath, lying in bed with a journal, drink tension tamer or camomile tea before sleep time.
Affirm peace and love for your loved one, give it to God, and affirm your own peace and joy. There are a lot of days, just doing these things is hard to do! But without those things, I would have heart palpitations and all kinds of awful stress in my mind and body.
But if I am alone and not thinking of her, my natural self is back and quite content, although my own life has fallen apart: poverty and fear of homelessness. Finally facing my life, I had to make my mother understand I can't drive her around to everything anymore. She has to find others to help her. I am job hunting and will be happy for whatever I get now.
I have taken steps to be on waiting lists for elder housing myself, and low income housing. I know things will get better: keeping a distance from Mom has helped me a lot and low and behold, yes, she found others to help her after all. She knows I am there for her but she can't expect me to be at her beck and call now.
A balance of life, a balance of love, a balance of self and caring for someone else, must be in place, or restored over and over. I believe in the order of things and trust that greater design, no matter how I grieve.