My 90 yr old dad flirts with a lady in his senior living residence. Staff/Director is demanding we pay an extra 'sitting' fee so he doesn't touch her or anyone inappropriately. They are threatening that if something happens, it is a felony and he could go to jail. We live in Oklahoma. Help! We can't afford to hire a sitter ($5000/mo) on top of his Senior Living care ($4500). When we said we may have to take him to another place, they said he might not be accepted since they have 'incident' reports on him. My dad is not aggressive, just friendly with some dementia. Seems like a shake down to me. Any advice would be helpful.
Moving elders is a pain. But I think I’d go to battle with these jerks.
You are right. The family should not let this go. It sounds to me like a scam that will bring in a lot of money that no doubt will be divided among a very small circle of people.
For sure the Louise0717's family isn't the only one being hustled by this AL.
Don't hire a sitter. I would be looking for a different facility now. The director has no business suggesting your dad might not be accepted, Whether he's accepted or not is the new facilities decision.
This sounds like extortion to me and I would be moving my loved one without any documents from the current facility.
My thoughts and that and a couple of bucks will get you a cup of coffee.
There is all kinds of touching and even relationships that happen in senior facilities, did her family complain or is it the facility management that thinks he is behaving inappropriately?
Has he actually touched someone inappropriately or just talking?
I think that you are being hustled by a facility that doesn't understand elder care.
I recommend moving him closer to family that can help keep an eye on the truth of the situation.
Residents in these facilities are lonely, frightened and oftentimes confused it only helps to have some companionship. There is no reason to keep them apart.
I agree with everything you said PatienceSD
I’d ask to see the reports of ‘incidents’, plus records of discussions with the lady and her family saying what their reactions are. HOWEVER if this is a scam then a) the reports may be written up after you ask for them and b) you would probably be getting a new scam sooner or later.
‘Pay money or we’ll report it to the police and he’ll probably go to jail’ falls fair and square into the definition of blackmail. Might be worth mentioning, see if they run.
I suspect that the family of the woman has confronted the administration about your father's actions. They want it stopped now. So, you are being notified that something must be done. Interestingly, the facility hasn't considered locks that only staff can operate, especially at night. It seems that the facility should be able to keep your father and the lady in question in separate activities during the day. Though it may sound harsh, maybe your father needs to be locked into his room at night so he doesn't wander.
Please consult a lawyer that specializes in elder care for specifics about your situation. He/She can give you specific guidance based on the laws in your area.
Unfortunately, many younger people don't realize that feelings don't change as we age. Ninety-year-olds fall in love as much as a twenty-year-old. And physical contact is important, dementia or not.
Unconsented to touching is never acceptable. The touching doesn't have to inappropriate to be problematic -- It just has to be unwanted
This is a good example of something many people already know. Assisted living facilities are an industry and oftentimes predatory - I don’t have time to go into examples now maybe later but yes this is as you put it a “shakedown”.
a felony? That’s absurd. They’re trying to con you into paying thousands extra on top of what your already paying for.
what do they pay their staff for? One reason is to ensure safety. So they should not require a sitter on top of what they’re already being paid a lot of money for!
Disgusting they’re taking advantage of your circumstances but that’s what they do.
If he had assaulted someone that’s a different story. I would take him out of there and find a way to care for him at home, at his age he doesn’t have that much time left anyway, if you can’t do that then find an alternative to this disgusting place