Mom has Lewy body dementia and is confined to a wheelchair. Aside from mobility issues and trouble remembering things she's not real bad. My stepdad was caring for her but he died suddenly 2 years ago. My husband and I have no kids by choice. I do not do good having to care for others - I have emotional issues. Mom always points out how many changes she's been through in the last 2 years becoming a widow, moving in with us, rehoming her cats. She acknowledges the physical burden on us but there's more than that. I have a hard time being intimate with my husband because we've been interrupted by her pressing her buzzer that she needs something. She likes company and I am a loner (again the emotional issues) so she wants me to sit and visit. I had to quit my job. No relatives to help and none of her friends can handle the wheelchair to take her out. She wants me to take her places but toting the wheelchair is hard even for me. I resent the major impact on my life but I know that's wrong. I am a Christian and try really hard to honor my mother but many times my resentment comes out in my tone with her. I am only 48 years old and feel this way after only 2 years of caregiving. I fear it's going to be a long road and need some advice please.
Today IL and Assisted Living facilities many are built like hotels, the one my Dad was in he said it felt like a resort, he was happy as a clam being there. Yes, they are costly. Dad paid around $5k per month but it was worth every penny. But I would still jump out of my skin every time the telephone rang [same effect like your Mom and the buzzer].
I, too, had resentment, I think most of us do. Especially if your parents had a great retirement and did a lot of things. I resented that here I was in my late 60's and no retirement to enjoy, I was just too exhausted and developed numerous health issues. My parents never had to take care of their own parents, so they had no idea what they were putting me through :(
Lots of folks take in elders and see it through to the end. I'm not one of those people and I don't think you are either.
My mom feels a little hurt that I'm not moving to be with them nor will I move my parents in with me. But I remember when mom took in my grandmother years ago. That lasted one week. Off she went to a nursing home.
Start thinking about a facility nearby that would serve her needs. This is tough stuff. Good luck.