96 years, 97 in March .
Lives in his own home, can’t help himself to prepare food due to macular degeneration. Other than extremely poor hearing, he tends to his own hygiene (so we’re told by sil)
He does have a good appetite, my husband brings dinner nightly.
His son- in-law brings him lunch 5-7
times per week.
Other than that he sits and sleeps most of the day, especially in winter months. In the summer he sits on his porch.
He doesn’t complain but I feel he needs a visiting nurse and possibly pt.
My sil is afraid of bringing Covid into the house so hesitated to get help.
Luckily his health has been good. I would say he should be checked more often by a dr. or at least a rn.
My feeling is sister in-law and her husband are protecting their inheritance (she is poa). She only goes to him in urgent, her husband does all the visits.
Recently he has hallucinations about people living in his house and goes into great detail about how he will handle it. Then the hallucinations stop and he’s quiet for several days so sil thinks all the issues are gone.
Am I thinking too much about this?
my husband and his sister argue frequently about this but she gets angry and my husband backs off
I don’t see him having any quality in his life, we visit daily but I feel he needs more either in home help or assisted living.
He has means but it seems sil is holding tight to his assets. I understand the Covid fear but at the same time other issues are being ignored.
any input ?
The hallucinations are worrisome. They are very common in aging dementias, more common in some than others, for instance Parkinson's and Lewy's. My brother had hallucinations from his Lewy's and could elaborate on them in detail, had early probable Lewy's diagnosis, didn't live long enough to not now they were unreal. He understood they were hallucinations, and could go on in great detail. And yes, they came and went. Occurred most often evening and night.
I would stay out of it. You are not POA. At 97 everything is self limiting for your Dad. He is now where he wants to be, in his own home and doing as he pleases. No one nattering on about how he should go to Bingo. As I said, the time will come when he needs more care and placement, if he cannot beat that out by passing on in peace as my bro did before "they get him".
Do follow Freguent Flyer's advice; often you can take a urinalysis sample to the doc in these times. UTI can cause some dramatic changes, but they are often a more violent acting out rather than the elaborate hallucinations, but either can occur, and that would rule out one thing at least without exposing Dad to Covid.
yes I understand what your saying. There’s great value in being in your own home . It’s just hard to say how he feels . He has little communication since his hearing is poor. He does comment that he stared at the four walls all day when he can’t get out. He needs assistance at this point with food preparation, laundry and house cleaning. He gets that so as long as he’s safe that’s ok that he’s at home
it’s just good to get feedback from other people as yourself
thank you
Hallucinations are sensory issues, seeing, hearing, feeling things that are imagined. His hallucinations appear to be benign at this time and he doesn't seem to be too concerned about them. However some hallucinations may be frightening and cause your FIL to respond dangerously.
On his next dr. visit he should be checked for a UTI and screened for dementia. The vast majority of people his age have some symptoms of dementia.
Your SIL being the POA could be an issue regarding appropriate care for him. A major cause of family conflict is preserving a child's inheritance at the expense of proper care for the parent. If your FIL's doctor feels it appropriate, have him/her prescribe an ALF. The sale of the house could fund the costs and maybe still preserve the inheritance. In any case, his proper care and wellbeing must trump any concerns for inheritance.
My Dad was around the same age of your Dad-in-law. He decided it was time to sell his house as he just didn't have the energy to keep up with the maintenance. Dad moved to senior living and he LOVED it. He was so happy to be around people closer to his age, and all the new ears to hear his stories. His rent was $5k per month [this varies from city to city], and was well worth the cost.
Something to think about after the covid-19 is under control.
On the other side of the coin, my Mom refused to move from their house. Nope, nada, never. It took her having a serious fall, 911, hospitalization, rehab, and nursing home. My Dad was paying $12,000 a month for the nursing home for Mom. So if any relative is trying to hold onto their inheritance, they will be in for a surprise if a nursing home turns up in the future.
No one knows the future.
Like with your Dad he loved the AL.
I just hate to see someone suffer during their last days knowing the POA can be doing more. She is in some kind of denial about the entire situation.
Best