I know it’s going to be an adjustment for him and I am worried about that. He also doesn’t eat on an American schedule. He is from England so he eats lunch at 3-4 and dinner at 8 and then there is all the cookies he eats. He can have a refrigerator for his drinks but as I am writing we are not getting him groceries above what he gets with room and board. I mean I won’t let him starve. Then I am worried because the place is about a mile and a half away from our house. Just last week he got mad and took off at dark for two hours. How often should we see him? Like I said I can see coming home and he is in our yard again. Lee was really upset two nights ago about the mess he is making. Any and all suggestions would be appreciated. thank you 🙏
Remember, Lee’s dad is there to be taken care of by the AL staff. They aren’t just filling in for you. Don’t fret about the meals. He will adjust. Your job with him is done. He’s going to be lonely, angry, feel sorry for himself, beg to come back home, etc. Don’t apologize to him. Don’t buy into it. Be kind and loving but firm.
I'm not sure what your FIL has been telling you about mealtimes in England, but if he likes having lunch that late, and that's his story and he's sticking to it, well...! Fine, I suppose?
I should have a word with whoever is handling his admission at the ALF and go through all of your questions with them. Remember, they do this job week in, week out, and settling newcomers in nicely is all part of their routine. Don't load him up with extra food, he'll adjust better to the new menu if he's hungry - after all, "a pinch of appetite is worth a pound of seasoning."
Hint: if he misses biscuits terribly, this is a good time of year to order presentation boxes of them for his Christmas gift. What are his favourites?
Usually ALs eat at 8, 12 and five. Snacks are given in between. Moms had birthday parties. There are state regulations on how much residents are fed and believe me its more than I can eat. Lunch is usually the biggest meal. I wouldn't worry about stocking up his room with food. Maybe drinks in the frig.
Please do not allow him to talk you in to coming home. He needs to be used to the AL as his Dementia progresses. It will then be a familiar place.
It will take time for him to fit in, make acquaintances and relax. I disagree about not giving him a stash of some of his favorite foods. I know it’s normal to worry about all this. It’s like sending your child off to college. But try to put it in perspective...he’s an adult and he will not die of starvation.
Be sure his rooms there look similar to the spaces he inhabited before so everything is like he’s used to.
I did have to clean it and his food drawer out weekly or it was a fright.
He never kept much but it made him feel more secure having the ability to eat if he got hungry. The quantity was not always as large as it should have been and they thought he should be forced to eat more veggies, he was in an AL care home that could accommodate 8 people.
I would give him some cookies or cupcakes for his first week, be sure and send enough for him to share, food is a common denominator and a great ice breaker.
Play it by ear and roll with the waves. It will take time to get him settled with all of his comforts in place.
He will be fine, good job.
Enjoy your special 50 celebration for hubby🎂
Walking a mile for an English man is nothing so tell him it is 10 miles or whatever you think will be best
He'll adjust to eating but may take time - tell him that supper is actually high tea & that eating late is not encouraged at his time of life so main meal is now high tea & there is just a snack at dinner time - bring in some desserts etc for the first bit until he gets with the new schedule
All moves are difficult.
Was he living on his own? or with you? Either way will be a difficult transition. From being in a small group to being in a "community". But he will get used to it as we all get used to change.
Most AL will have some snacks or light meal that he can have, or take a meal from the Dining Room and bring back to his apartment. He can then eat it when he wants to.
I am sure he will get used to the schedule that they have particularly when he makes friends and they all go to the Dining room together.
Since he is in AL not a Memory Care unit he will be able to leave at anytime so if he knows his way around you can expect to see him in your front yard. If he tends to wander and if he does have memory problems maybe AL is not the right choice.
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