We want to rescue Dad from the skilled nursing facility. How do we coordinate everything and find out what resources are available at home?

Stories like this bring tears to my eyes. One of my mom's caregivers took her to visit him yesterday. They moved him to a different room. At 1 p.m. he was in pajamas with the lunch tray shoved up to him. The food was on the floor because he has difficulty feeding himself and, like your experience, no one cares. This wonderful lady was popping in on him again today. I gave the home permission to talk to her about his care as well has my brother and me. We are going to try to get him out next week. It is just heart breaking.

I am so sorry your dad has gone through so much while in the NH. My dad was taken to one for rehab following radiation that weakened him, the first night he was there they did nothing for him and when I went early the next morning to see him he was distraught, he had called for nurses all night and no one responded to him. He ended up back in the hospital that day with possible pneumonia. It was then that the family made the decision that he would not be left alone again so we took turns staying with him 24/7. When he was discharged from the hospital he had to go back to the nursing home because they said he needed physical therapy. We made it clear that we did not want him to go back but we lost that fight, we did have a great advocate working with us though who insisted the nursing home put him in a private room so his family could stay with him. I have heard many bad things about nursing homes over the years but until you experience it yourself you can't even imagine how bad it really is. As far as my dad was concerned they wrote him off as soon as he got there so whatever therapy he got was minimal, the food they gave him was horrible, everything was pureed even the toast. He never ate one bite of anything they ever brought him and no one ever showed any concern that he wasn't eating. Once when he was alone with my 86 year old mother he had to go to the bathroom, mom helped him into the bathroom and waited outside, dad didn't want her to have to clean his butt after he was done so he asked her to call for the nurse. She did and when they didn't come after 15 minutes she walked to the nurses station to see why no one was coming, she found them all sitting there laughing and talking, they said someone would be right there, long story short after she went to the desk 2 more times to try and get someone to come help him she ended up doing it herself. My dad sat on that toilet for almost 45 minutes and no one ever came to help him. We know they hated us being there but they knew we were not going away. The nights were aweful, we listened to people crying out all night and so many have no one to speak for them and the staff knows this which just makes the situation for those poor people so much worse. We all helped patients when no one would answer their call for help. My dad ended up passing away 3 weeks after he went into the nursing home and we know part of the reason was the lack of care he got while there, he just got weaker and weaker, they didn't get him up at all, everything he did, sitting up, walking, eating was us, we made him get out of bed, we brought in food for him to eat, we did everything but it wasn't enough, we took dad home after 2 weeks and he passed away the next week. After what we experienced we made the decision that our mother will never see the inside of one of those places. My heart goes out to those of you who do not live close enough to your loved ones to be there to monitor the NH, I can only imagine how incredibly difficult it is for you to not be able to be there with your loved ones. If you can get your dad out of there and home do it. The caregivers you have for your mom sound like angels and I think your dad would benefit greatly under their care. Good luck.

Thanks! I just checked and Bennie Thompson represents the district the NH is in. I will send him a little after we get Dad out. I sent a request to the NH Ombudsman for the area and have not heard a peep. I was worried about the meds so I appreciate your advice.

Go in and get him BUT make sure that you get all his medications. THese he has paid for via Medicare and it will be hard to get duplicates until the next month. Also you will have to private pay for them as the Medicare benefit will have been used, Understand? The meds will likely be in a 30 day blister pack and in a big plastic bag next to his chart at the nurses station OR in a "locked" closet or cabinet also at the nurses station.

Then send a letter to Benny Thompson - he is US Congressman from MS. Benny is a real champion on elder rights and making NH work for the resident. Even if he is not in your district. You want him to know what is happening in your part of the state. He knows Medicaid law and stuff to the smallest detail. He's amazing and yu will want to either hug him or take him to church with you.

Thanks for the advice. My Dad is in MS, too.

It may not be as complicated as it seems. I am in MS. After a broken leg and surgery Mom was sent to a NH/rehab Center. In 2 weeks they gave her a drug that put her out of her head for 3 days, some of the workers were getting rough with her, wouldn't come to take her to the bathroom till too late and the final straw-- one of the therapist didn't look at her chart---he picked her broken leg up, dropped it on the floor and said "We are going to walk today". She was in pain when I got there.
. I went to the office and asked what I needed to do to take Mom home. They said just take her. So I did. Home health care workers came to the house and in a couple months Mom was back walking all over the house.
Check with the office personal what is required. Let them know you have caregivers in place. If need be, hint that it might be better for 'everyone concerned' if he were able to recover at home. It sounds like you might need to have an ambulance carry him home just to be sure he arrives safely. If they don't want to let him go, check with an attorney.
After you get him home see about turning the NH in for neglect and anything else you know they did wrong. I know some states have people who are supposed the keep and eye on the NHs and keep them honest. It is really a shame that some of the people in the NH have no one to stand up for them.