Mother is extremely paranoid. We know nothing of her wishes. When asked, she says it's none of our business. We don't know anything about her money, mortgage, monthly bills. She won't tell us anything. This isn't new - she's always been paranoid about everyone and everything. But dementia is gaining on her and my brother and I are very concerned. My brother and I, as well as our children want to help. She gets angry when anyone even mentions her age or refers to her as a senior citizen. We are truly at a loss as to what we can do.
She is still driving. She gets lost all the time yet somehow finds her way to our homes. We are walking on eggshells. She insists that someone is breaking into her home whenever she is not home. She sets booby traps all over to "catch them". Her home is not clean anywhere. There is is small pathway thru a few rooms. We have been told by APS that we have to wait for SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT to happen before we can do anything. Is this true?
I would appreciate any help. thanks
Also, if your mom is a hoarder contact public health and safety in your county and report her home. They can help as well. Her home sounds like a fire hazard and if she is unable to clean it up to code then a judge can have her removed from the home.
As far as her finances are concerned, if she hasn't assisnged a POA by now, she cannot do it now if she is suffering from diminished mental capacity.
The only way you can get a hold of the situation is by filing for guardianship. This is a more radical step, but it seems as though she is a danger to herself and possibly others.
I would highly recommend visiting with a social worker and find out what steps need to be taken. There is a definite order to how these things are done. You may also want to consult an elder attorney to sort out her finances.
I do not think it is wise to wait until something "significant" happens before you take action. I would suggest going with your instincts and doing whatever is necessary to see that your Mom is safe and getting the care that she needs.
Your situation is challenging...good luck.