So to give some contact I’ve essentially soft-adopted a second grandmother. I met Mary one day at the end of my shift at a supermarket. She is a sweet elderly Hispanic lady who is incredibly active and sharp for her age (pushing 85 years old). The circumstances for me meeting her were pretty unfortunate. She was left behind at the store by someone who she arranged (and paid in advance) to drive her to the store and back home. She was asking around for help and being that my shift was ending, I decided to take it upon myself to drive her home and help her with the $200 order she had. I loaded her groceries into my car and drove her 30 minutes to her home. She lives alone in what she called a “finca” (Spanish for farm), 10 miles from my store and then another couple of miles down a dilapidated dirt road. Her husband passed away 3 years ago from cancer and she never had any children. I learned Spanish as a second language and can communicate with her but can only pick out bits and pieces of her life. Long story short , she really doesn’t have anyone to depend on. Her closest ties were to her neighbor but after they left her at the store that day, that relationship is rocky to say the least.
Pre-covid I would pick her up and take her to the bank / grocery store about once a month to make sure she had food and her financials in order. I don’t know much about her financial status but I’m pretty sure she is on Social Security and has a steady government income.
Now with Covid , she (rightfully and fully understandably) is terrified of the outside world. Living in Miami Dade County it would be very risky to go out with her and when I do any grocery shopping for her I make sure I disinfect the groceries and always wear a mask around her. Since she can’t go with me to the store, I have her give me a list and then give me a check for the groceries when I deliver them.
I am planning on doing another grocery order for her tomorrow and she informed me that she will be writing the last physical check she has. Without a way for her to go out and go to the bank and receive more, I’m wondering how I can help her. I would love to provide the groceries and essentials she needs but being a young full time supermarket employee, I can’t sustain her needs and have expenses of my own.
To make matters more complicated her mail Box is a couple miles away from her house (P.O. Box style) and she recently lost / misplaced the key. I am afraid that without access to the mailbox to retrieve her bills and even more checks from the bank, this act of kindness will spiral into a frantic rush to make sure she stays alive.
I’m new to this forum and I’m new to caregiving. Sorry if this post was too long and a bit winded but I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this situation. My parents want me to contact social services but given her house location and the current pandemic , I don’t know how much good introducing her to a new system / life style would do.
thanks for reading and I’m interested to see what the opinion is on my situation
-Rob
Do know that there is a never-ending need to help an elder. You must consider, think about, and decide what your personal BOUNDARIES are and how and what you will take on. If you don't, you'll be drained dry emotionally and every other way. SETTING LIMITS IS CRITICAL TO YOUR OWN HEALTH and WELFARE.
Once social services are involved, you can (and should) step back.
With this said, it is not easy to let go and let an elderly person, who appears to have NO ONE to help/support her, go and 'fend for herself. You will be emotionally pulled to continue to assist her. However, taking care of yourself, emotionally and psychologically is the first step to helping her and anyone else.
I, too, wondered/considered about a scam situation here.
Take the lead of professionals who can help. There are limits to what social services can do 'too'. Sounds like this woman should not be living alone, and on a farm-type home, by herself. It is a cruel reality that elders in this country are not respected and - to put it crudely - often left to die due to a lack of social services . There is only so much a citizen, or frankly, a family member can do.
I work with elders. I must be mindful ALL THE TIME due to need, brain chemistry (dementia), my boundaries and role. I also help out a friend of 17+ years who is 87 now and extremely needy. Be mindful and take care of yourself, first. Gena.
Any act of kindness keep a diary and anything financial, keep receipts for your records as proof and transparency.
Perhaps also you could Speak with Mary about a social worker and arrange a visit with a social worker who could talk to her in Spanish and find out a little more before taking steps to adopt her permanently.
Based on her age, and the mail box key situation, it may be time she needs assistance as is evidence confusion is starting to occur.
Keep her safe as well as yourself - hope this helps - contact elder protection services in your area to find out about social workers.
You are an Angel, helping her so much. I wish you the best.
Call salvation Army? Social Services came to check up on an elderly lady in our neighbor hood. Her home outside, looked like shambles. One day a woman was there taking pictures. She was from social services. She was called upon by someone to check up on this woman. This was over a year ago. A couple weeks ago, some neighbors were in her yard, cleaning it up.
Do a little trust, and call social services for her if you have not already. You may be surprised, they may have been called already.
Other people are correct, if something goes wrong, you could be staged as the culprit, or liable one. You don't need that.
But Rob must have done the right thing,I am sure!