Tomorrow we start a new era, someone is coming to stay 2 hours with us to get to know us, and for me to be comfortable leaving my husband with her. I am so nervous, have never had any help for anything, but will need this sooner than later. This is the beginning, I am in tears tonight trying to come to terms with this. If I were someone telling me this, I would advise me to grow up and stop whining. Why can't I take my own advice? Got any ideas?
And it is so understandable that you are nervous, a stranger arriving that will get to know your family's personal needs intimately.
Welcome the help, it truly is a new era.
But that is not my advice. Here it is: (Because I already made some mistakes having help come in):
Treat the caregiver as a professional, and expect from her/him the same.
Think on these things:
1) The caregiver will have no authority over you, and should not start telling you what to do.
2) The caregiver will not solve all of your problems or take over (should not take over).
3) Keep your boundaries up.
4) No need to share everything or too soon.
Come back and ask anything of your fellow caregivers here.
The down and dirty ground rules are so helpful to remember, too. I will try to keep them in mind. Thanks for responding!
My advise is to relax and receive the help that is offered as a natural progression of life and know that you can take a breath now and spend more quality time with your DH.
‘Please come back and let us know how it goes.
I'll be back at some point, sooner or later to let you know how it went! Thanks again, so much!
* I hope / presume that tomorrow is a 'meet and greet' vs an actual day where you will leave your husband in care of this person - ?
IDEAS:
* write questions out before she arrives.
* depending on how verbal / cognition of your husband, ask him what he would like to know about this person.
* certainly ask about references, both work and personal and then CALL the references.
* give this person a couple of possible scenarios of what might / could happen (that you are actually concerned about) and ask her how she would handle it / these situations.
* remember, interviewing doesn't equate hiring. This is a meeting to meet and see if it is a fit - for you and your husband.
* What are the issues / needs of your husband? For instance, does he have angry outbursts? Ask her how she handles these situations. Is he incontinent? Are there any issues with embarrassment for your husband with a female caregiver?
* Tell her what you would like her to do and ask her if she has experience in these areas. Lots of these situations are a combination of common sense. awareness, compassion, and patience.
* Let her know you are nervous or apprehensive as this is the first time you've had to hire someone. Ask her why she would make a good candidate to be your husband's care provider.
* Look for compassion, maturity, honesty, common sense. And, does she look you in the eye?
* Is she live scanned ? (finger printed and criminal check). You will need to do this unless she is from an agency wherein they are supposed to / required to do these things.
Lastly, how do you want to handle safety measures due to Covid? Is she to wear a mask for the time she is with you/r husband? Ask her for proof of vaccinations. If no vaccines, do not hire her. At this point, she should have the booster, too.
* * *
Gena
ACCEPT help
ASK for help.
And I guess another is to know you limits.
You will lose friends during this journey. They will stop calling and asking if you want to meet for lunch, or go to a movie (has anyone really been to a movie theater in the past 1 1/2- 2 years?)
People will say "OH, if there is anything I can do let me know." Well you need to take them up on the offer.
If you don't have help that day say, "That is a great offer Sue, I really need a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk. If you can stop at the store and get those for me I will make lunch and we can sit and chat."
Keep a list of things that need to be done so if someone asks you can give them the top 2 items on the list.
Your friends want to help but don't know what help you need.
If your husbands friends call up say "Bill" would love it if you came and played a game of cards with him (or talked about the game...whatever) An hour with a friend you can run to the store and pick up a few items you need. (Just make sure your husbands friend is ok with being left for an hour or so.)
It will get easier having people come in and help.
experience. Good luck 🍀
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