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She just feels like sleeping but after long mornings she gradually gets better. 90 years old. waiting for doctor to call. her bp and oxygen is "normal".
The way I look at it they go backwards. One 85 year old I took care of liked daycare and coloring. To me she was 5 years old. My mom has dementia or Alzheimer's and to me she was 2. The world revolved around her and a bit demanding but in a nice way. She is 90 and broke her pelvis last week. Was doing okay till she must have aspirated on food. She is in Hospice now. They are so fragile at 90. Anything can turn into a big deal. Just enjoy her while you can. My mom made it this far and it's quite an accomplishment! Never in a nursing home and leaving this life in a way she chose.
Follow your natural instincts....if you feel she has slept...and she needs to keep her muscle tone to walk, get her up...you can also exercise her legs while she is in bed...to prepare her for walking...pain and cramping are a part of old age...it is a TRANSITION to go from Laying down to sitting up to getting on her feet...make it easier and to keep her from falling...rub her legs and feet and arms....and so some bed leg exercises..to make it eaiser,,,then she may be more willing to move about...and look forward to getting from Bed to a chair...to standing...BLESSINGS TO YOU At ninety..just thinking about walking is a chore by itself..
The week of Easter my 90 yr old dad had started sleeping a lot he didn't want to eat and was only drinking small amounts of fluids I thought ok let me let the rest of the family know what is happening we all agreed these were normal signs of end of life he has CHF has had 2 multi bypass surgeries in his lifetime and his vascular dementia is starting to kick in, on Good Friday out of the blue after he had said he was going to stay in bed and not go to my sisters he got up washed his face combed his hair changed his clothes and said he was ready the on saturday he stayed in bed and didnt eat or drink Easter sunday again after saying he was going to stay in bed and not go to my sisters out if the blue he got out of bed washed his face combed his hair changed his clothes and said he was ready to go and every since after that week of sleeping all day he has been back up going for his walks staying up most of the day and when he has run out of things to do or gets tired he goes and takes a nap I love when he sleeps it gives me time to myself without worrying about what he is getting into.... So don't worry your mom could just be using the longer sleep to get re-energized like others have said if they make it to 90 they deserve to sleep as much as they want to and as long as they want to....
My mother 103 this month sleeps 12 - 13 hours nightly + naps. This seems normal and necessary for her. she rousted me out of bed when she first arrived at my house to live a short 4 years ago, gradually, she seems to need more sleep. I think it's normal. She told somebody that she punched a 6 AM time clock for 17 years and went to work at her own salon at 8:30 AM for the balance of her life, now if she wants to sleep in she doesn't want to be bothered. lol...
When I reach the age when I want or need to sleep, I shall make my wishes known and woe betide anyone that disturbs my slumber.
By then I will have earned it and I will not put, up with any enthusiastic younger people that think they know better than me how I should live my life.
At least when I am in bed I shan't be under anyone's feet. I'll only get up if the dogs need attention.
Let sleeping Moms and Dads lie.
I told on of the snuffs my wife was in after one of her operations that she was not a racehorse. They wanted to keep her in longer, she wanted to come home,. We took her home. I also took her out of another SNUFF that was filthy and neglectful. They said, "You can't taske her!"
I said, "Watch me and don't stand in my way!"
We went home.
Just because we get old we do not turn into mindless zombies. We are still alive and kicking. Treat us well, we deserve it.
You are worried about 9 hours? Nine hours? Some healthy 40 year-olds need 9 hours to perform at their optimum. Some get by just fine on 7. It isn't consistent, like water boils and freezes at certain temperatures. All humans need sleep but not exactly the same amount of sleep.
Like Caregiver99, I pity the poor caregiver who would try to force me out of bed after a number of hours THEY find "too much." And I'm not waiting to turn 90 to say that.
Nine hours of sleep is not rally a sign of a problem!
I've already posted an answer here, but I can't help coming back to add something. I care for my 87-year-old mom (for about a year). She's had congestive heart failure for years and it gets harder and harder to keep her balanced. When she's not balanced? She's a mess. Can barely walk. As her care giver, as Judge Judy says, "I'm the boss, Applesauce." ;) There are so darned few choices she gets to make anymore. She gets told when it's time to eat, time to go to bed, time to go to the bathroom, time to take her pills, time to do this, time to do that. I'll be DARNED if I'm going to tell her it's time to get up. Sleep away, mom. Sweet dreams.
Just wanted to add that I replaced my Moms brand new hospital bed mattress with a nice memory foam one from Sams club. I also use a dermasaver pad (you can google) under her to prevent bed sores, they are fabulous. Just fyi.
My mum is the same 82 dementia I let her sleep she has a terrific appetite takes her meds as they get older so does there body while there resting is because they need it
I am worried about my mom sleep too much too. She is 83 years old, and I called the board and care to tell them I was on my way over to take her outside for a stroll. When I got there, they put her sneakers on - no socks, and she was dead asleep in the reclining chair. My concern is, do they wake her to feed her? She looks like she is losing weight. I take over extra food, not just for her, but for all 6 residents, Management buys cheap food.. She needs to wear depends, so I hope they change her. I guess I need to check her for bed sores. That is one of my main concerns. I think sleeping is the natural way for older people. I am taking it as a sign, maybe her body just needs to rest, and preparing for the final times...
Reversoles, does the memory foam mattress fit on the medical bed, or did you need to do anything to it? It sounds like a good idea. Safety cover waterproof cover for it. They make the memory foam tops too don't they? Maybe I'll try that to make it more comfortable. Thank You.
Being in bed can sap a person's strength. Get that person out of bed and keep her/him moving. I thought like everyone else to let them rest but no more. My Mom is in this position and it is not easy getting her to the bathroom. And getting her a bath is h*ll!
I stopped reading at caregiver 99. My sentiments exactly. My husband 74 and I sleep late when we can. I need 9 or 10 hours to feel decent. My mom 88 is in a retirement home and I hope she sleeps 9 or 10 hours so she isn't waiting 4 or 5 for me to get up. Sometimes she calls at 2 pm and says "are you up?". I just laugh and say yes. Even with dementia she remembers I need my sleep. I feel like if they are sleeping a little longer they aren't worrying those extra hours, or asking questions over and over so long. But if they can't sleep that's different.
Thanks for all the responses. I just wanted to add that the doctor told me if she wanted to sleep more, it's ok, but laying flat for long periods could also affect her lungs so at least try to prop her up some with pillows. My mom is doing ok and I would never actually "force" her physically to do anything. I think some people think I might be kind of mean. My uncle let my aunt sleep too many days before getting any help. She died in a diabetic comma.
Maryjane my mother has a riser-recliner armchair and will doze very happily in that during the day (or "just close my eyes for a minute"). If your mother's sleeping posture is an issue this might be an option?
I think your aunt's story is a completely different matter; but how terribly sad, I'm so sorry this happened to your family.
Does your mom have sleep apnea? That makes sleep not very restful and deprives one of oxygen during the night causing exhaustion upon awakening. Often the sleep apnea sufferer needs frequent naps during the day. My mom had a sleep study at 102 and was prescribed a cpap machine. It's a pain in the butt to use it because I have to be the one to put it back on after midnight and daylight potty runs, but it seems to be helping. Also, check her O2 levels. Low oxygen can make us drowsy. I keep an oxometer handy and use it daily, sometimes hourly as my mother has an oxygen accumulator that we can use if its low. She was originally prescribed oxygen for the sleep apnea.
I hate to say that I am 60 years old and on Saturday when I can I sleep that long. I would just make sure she is ok and only worry if she becomes depressed.
Angela. "Falls often"? That's unacceptable. If I fell often, I wouldn't want to get out of bed either. If my bones ached from arthritis, I'd probably not be too anxious to be up and about. And if I was with it enough to know I also had prostate cancer? I'd probably be depressed.
Sometimes the LAST one to think they're depressed is the depressed person. In fact, I'd have to say that OFTEN that's the case. I wonder what test the doctors are using to opine that he's not depressed. Oh, wait. There isn't one -- except for behavior. Which you seem to be describing to a T. First, I'd call the doctor and tell him that he needs a different anti-depressant or an adjunct to the one he's taking. Medication for depression is often trial and error.
I mean, really, would you rather have him sleeping safe and sound in bed? Or wandering around and, finally, sleeping in a chair? When we get old, we are what we are. If he wants to be in bed and you can't convince him otherwise? Let him do what he wants to do. Give him a TV and a radio...come in and see if you can adjust the dial now and then, ask if he'd like to get up, and let him be. Ohhhh, I might take the curtains down or remove the blinds to get light into the room, just to see if that'd help. Invite family as often as possible since he seemed to respond well to his nieces. What else can you do? (Go easy on yourself; this is not your fault.)
As to you becoming isolated, I can't imagine why. You have caregivers. None of my business, of course, but I sure would encourage you and your family to go about their business. It could be a very long road you're on. If you're not careful, YOU could be the one who doesn't want to get out of bed.
You're a good daughter, Angela. You can't change "what is" -- and you can't blame yourself. We can only do so much...
ilovemom; Serta Roma Premium Memory Foam 10" Mattress - Twin XL by Serta | Item #: 686264 Here is the mattress I bought from sams club. You can order one half the price but its rolled from China and I wanted a regular mattress without a chemical odor to have to air out. Its super comfortable. I bought the $50 Bobs mattress pad for it to make sure it stays safe but you can buy any twin xl waterproof mattress pad. Amazon has twin xl sheets and walmart in the Fall (college time). The side bars were tight so my husband expanded the railing about an inch on the hospital bed. If you need more info at all please send me a private message also in case I dont see it here, I just happened to see this, Hope this helps~~!
Angela, Personally, I think that there has to be an underlying reason that he won't get out of bed. Is there a power struggle here and it's his way of being in control? Is he in pain? and as I asked before is he exhausted from sleep apnea - this condition is a silent (well with the snoring not so silent maybe) killer? Even though your stocking him up with his snacks and easy to zap food sounds like it makes for him being healthier, think about the sugar content and the preservatives in this kind of food. Could he have diabetes?
Bottom line - has he had a physical lately, and I'm not talking about the Medicare joke for a half as_- physical. I mean a real good thorough blood panel and thyroid test. Low thyroid can cause someone to sleep all the time. They might not do a glucose tolerance and thyroid panel (could the permanently swollen vocal cords be a swollen thyroid) unless you insist, so you must be proactive with this one. Since he walked all over the airport, then he should be able to negotiate a rock concert. If it's a power/control thing, try negotiating by taking him to a concert and then your payback is that he stay out of the bed days. If it's a health thing, which I suspect it is, change his diet and get him on some fresh and raw foods.
How does one know if she is depressed? We have a 93 yr old who just lost her husband. He had control issues along with narcissistic disorder. This resulted in her staying on the couch all day for years. Now that he is gone, does one even attempt to get her up and moving? She is at home with caregivers, soon to have hours reduced due to cost. Her will, honored by law, is to stay at home vs an AL which will give her light, socialization and nourishing food.. Her safety, believed by sons to be ok, is not an issue as they are honoring her will.
If what you all are saying is true, letting this woman sleep will provide more safety to her along with letting her do what she feels like doing. After 71 years of marriage, she, understandably will be depressed. We will then watch her drift off into the sunset.
This is what I have concluded from your responses -- let her go.
I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive, but 93 years old - God bless her! She has been through enough, as you stated with her husband who had control issues and narcissistic disorder. Even if you're 40 years old and you lose a spouse, sometimes people don't come out of their bedrooms for a very long time. She's tired. Anyone would be tired at 93 and anyone would be extremely exhausted mourning ---- period. Be patient. Let her sleep. And, let her wake up to a new day (if so be it)…
Grief and age are two things you never want to experience, but we do at some point in our lives.
Sit with her. Hold her hand. Watch some TV with her. Let her know it's okay to rest a bit. Encourage.
It is not beyond the realm of possibility that many dementia patients love attention, and they will do almost anything to get it. Just now my husband poked his head in the door of the study and asked me to go to the bathroom with him because "I have to tinkle, and I need you to show me what to do." I got up and began walking toward the bathroom, then did a swift turnaround. I thought to myself, "Self, what in the world do you think you're doing?" I said to him, "You go to the bathroom all by yourself and once you get there, you know very well what to do!" And I went back to the computer. He exclaimed, "Oh, I see you don't want to help me." I said, "You got that right!" He's in there right now doing his business, right as rain. He wanted attention, he got it, but not quite the attention he was expecting. Don't let them fool you because they'll try so long as they think they can get away with it.
Willows, I am trying not to be judgmental, but your post makes me very sad. This man you love has just gotten the message that though he is very confused and scared he can't count on you to help him. I can't imagine how that will have good long-term results. I know you meant "I won't help you do something you can do yourself," but does he know that?
Is it really so terrible that he needs extra attention now that he has this terrible disease he didn't ask for?
So he didn't fool you. He didn't get away with his bid for more attention. Somehow, that doesn't strike me as something to be proud of.
I cared for my husband with dementia, at home, for ten years. Your post just makes me sad.
Angela, it seems that your husband is motivated by social companionship, so the key to getting him more active is to figure out how to maximize his social contact.
Perhaps you could invite neighbors, church members, friends and/or family, one per day. At least then he would be up for that time.
He may not have the initiative to articulate that he needs social stimulation. That's not an affront to you; people just need companionship outside the marriage.
Are there any senior center activities to which you can take him? Sometimes they have special interest clubs, trips...that might interest him.
Libraries have discussion groups, book clubs, musical events. A one hour rock concert might be easier for both of you than a several hour one.
There's also charity work; it might be that helping others will initiate a motivation that is long lasting. I've been told by many people that they feel so much better when they're able to do something for others.
Dog parks are another possibility. Just petting a furry friend could inspire him to want to come back.
If you can find repeating activities he can go to, he can look forward to them.
But I would also try to get him for a really complete physical to ensure that there are no physical issues.
Don't force her out of bed or being on a time zone. DO keep her engaged and have some appropriate activities at times in the day she is most alert or rested --for example a tea time, short walk after lunch, late morning sit on the porch with a light snack.
My mom is 91 and sleeps and naps more and more. When I visit we plan some outings but I let her take the lead. If we've planned something and she seems lazy or worn out, then I go with that and get carry out and we sit quietly while she doses off or we just talk or sit out on the porch and say nothing.
I do try to get her out some when I can because sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression if she totally has no energy or interest in anything.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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By then I will have earned it and I will not put, up with any enthusiastic younger people that think they know better than me how I should live my life.
At least when I am in bed I shan't be under anyone's feet. I'll only get up if the dogs need attention.
Let sleeping Moms and Dads lie.
I told on of the snuffs my wife was in after one of her operations that she was not a racehorse. They wanted to keep her in longer, she wanted to come home,. We took her home. I also took her out of another SNUFF that was filthy and neglectful. They said, "You can't taske her!"
I said, "Watch me and don't stand in my way!"
We went home.
Just because we get old we do not turn into mindless zombies. We are still alive and kicking. Treat us well, we deserve it.
:)
Happy care-giving to you, all.
Like Caregiver99, I pity the poor caregiver who would try to force me out of bed after a number of hours THEY find "too much." And I'm not waiting to turn 90 to say that.
Nine hours of sleep is not rally a sign of a problem!
I feel like if they are sleeping a little longer they aren't worrying those extra hours, or asking questions over and over so long. But if they can't sleep that's different.
I think your aunt's story is a completely different matter; but how terribly sad, I'm so sorry this happened to your family.
Sometimes the LAST one to think they're depressed is the depressed person. In fact, I'd have to say that OFTEN that's the case. I wonder what test the doctors are using to opine that he's not depressed. Oh, wait. There isn't one -- except for behavior. Which you seem to be describing to a T. First, I'd call the doctor and tell him that he needs a different anti-depressant or an adjunct to the one he's taking. Medication for depression is often trial and error.
I mean, really, would you rather have him sleeping safe and sound in bed? Or wandering around and, finally, sleeping in a chair? When we get old, we are what we are. If he wants to be in bed and you can't convince him otherwise? Let him do what he wants to do. Give him a TV and a radio...come in and see if you can adjust the dial now and then, ask if he'd like to get up, and let him be. Ohhhh, I might take the curtains down or remove the blinds to get light into the room, just to see if that'd help. Invite family as often as possible since he seemed to respond well to his nieces. What else can you do? (Go easy on yourself; this is not your fault.)
As to you becoming isolated, I can't imagine why. You have caregivers. None of my business, of course, but I sure would encourage you and your family to go about their business. It could be a very long road you're on. If you're not careful, YOU could be the one who doesn't want to get out of bed.
You're a good daughter, Angela. You can't change "what is" -- and you can't blame yourself. We can only do so much...
Serta Roma Premium Memory Foam 10" Mattress - Twin XL
by Serta | Item #: 686264
Here is the mattress I bought from sams club. You can order one half the price but its rolled from China and I wanted a regular mattress without a chemical odor to have to air out. Its super comfortable. I bought the $50 Bobs mattress pad for it to make sure it stays safe but you can buy any twin xl waterproof mattress pad. Amazon has twin xl sheets and walmart in the Fall (college time). The side bars were tight so my husband expanded the railing about an inch on the hospital bed. If you need more info at all please send me a private message also in case I dont see it here, I just happened to see this, Hope this helps~~!
Even though your stocking him up with his snacks and easy to zap food sounds like it makes for him being healthier, think about the sugar content and the preservatives in this kind of food. Could he have diabetes?
Bottom line - has he had a physical lately, and I'm not talking about the Medicare joke for a half as_- physical. I mean a real good thorough blood panel and thyroid test. Low thyroid can cause someone to sleep all the time. They might not do a glucose tolerance and thyroid panel (could the permanently swollen vocal cords be a swollen thyroid) unless you insist, so you must be proactive with this one.
Since he walked all over the airport, then he should be able to negotiate a rock concert. If it's a power/control thing, try negotiating by taking him to a concert and then your payback is that he stay out of the bed days. If it's a health thing, which I suspect it is, change his diet and get him on some fresh and raw foods.
If what you all are saying is true, letting this woman sleep will provide more safety to her along with letting her do what she feels like doing. After 71 years of marriage, she, understandably will be depressed. We will then watch her drift off into the sunset.
This is what I have concluded from your responses -- let her go.
Let her sleep.
And, let her wake up to a new day (if so be it)…
Grief and age are two things you never want to experience, but we do at some point in our lives.
Sit with her.
Hold her hand.
Watch some TV with her.
Let her know it's okay to rest a bit.
Encourage.
My thoughts are with you.
Is it really so terrible that he needs extra attention now that he has this terrible disease he didn't ask for?
So he didn't fool you. He didn't get away with his bid for more attention. Somehow, that doesn't strike me as something to be proud of.
I cared for my husband with dementia, at home, for ten years. Your post just makes me sad.
Perhaps you could invite neighbors, church members, friends and/or family, one per day. At least then he would be up for that time.
He may not have the initiative to articulate that he needs social stimulation. That's not an affront to you; people just need companionship outside the marriage.
Are there any senior center activities to which you can take him? Sometimes they have special interest clubs, trips...that might interest him.
Libraries have discussion groups, book clubs, musical events. A one hour rock concert might be easier for both of you than a several hour one.
There's also charity work; it might be that helping others will initiate a motivation that is long lasting. I've been told by many people that they feel so much better when they're able to do something for others.
Dog parks are another possibility. Just petting a furry friend could inspire him to want to come back.
If you can find repeating activities he can go to, he can look forward to them.
But I would also try to get him for a really complete physical to ensure that there are no physical issues.
My mom is 91 and sleeps and naps more and more. When I visit we plan some outings but I let her take the lead. If we've planned something and she seems lazy or worn out, then I go with that and get carry out and we sit quietly while she doses off or we just talk or sit out on the porch and say nothing.
I do try to get her out some when I can because sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression if she totally has no energy or interest in anything.