I am trying to figure out how to live my life while taking care of my 85 yr old Grandmother. She lives in a trailer about 100 Yards from my front door. She doesn't drive. It feels like the never ending assignment and I am depressed to think I still have my parents and in-laws yet to come. How do I get to have a life?
I am the only grandchild caregiver and never hear from any on here. All my friends have careers and take vacations. I get so jealous.
I have family, including her son, my Dad. He has left her care to me and only visits when he can't avoid it. He says "I'm just not a caregiver..." AWWW.... I'm so angry at the lack of care from him, my brother and my cousins. No one comes to visit. They rarely call and they never ask what they could do for me or her. She has full capabilities and complains to me that they never come to see her. Sorry for the rant, just really burned out, frustrated, angry and jealous. I don't see any hope on the horizon.
Your dad's attitude is particularly disturbing. Do you know any of his friends who could talk to him? Since your grandmother has her full capabilities, you should tell her you are going with friends and then do so. Then let your dad know that she will be alone for the evening or whenever you are gone. Put some of the responsibility back on him.
You may want to read this article:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/grandchildren-caring-for-their-grandparents-149490.htm I hope it can give you some comfort if nothing else.
Please try to take care of yourself,
Carol
I do feel your pain, and have been there, while my four siblings who all lived close, could not be bothered to visit long enough for me to leave for an hour or two. Do you feel guilt like I did for not wanting to be locked down? That was the hardest for me. I found a local support network through my Church family. Many Churches have "visitation" nights(days) where someone qualified comes and stays with your loved one while you have the day or night off. If you attend Church please ask your clergyman. Secondly, now there are a lot of caregiver support groups now who can help us identify and deal with the types of mental anguish, exhaustion, and loneliness we all experience at different levels when we are committed to long term caregiving.
I know you have heard it, but she is truly blessed to have you, and those avoiding her like your dad, need to know what they are missing of her final days, and they will surely carry that regret in to the time when they themselves need to be looked after. Keep your faith strong, and you will be able to get through this. I wish could help more.----Blessings----
Have you tried Friend to Friend America? It's a national organization of volunteers who befriend seniors. They aren't caregivers, they aren't free transportation; they are just friends/companions. The volunteers are screened.
Another thing you can do is take your mother to activities she enjoys: libraries, knitting groups, pools, charities, etc. Help her build friendships/relationships. It may take some time, but your goal is to get her comfortable enough so you don't have to be with her all the time. She would just need transportation to and from an activity, and there are home care and senior transport agencies that can do that. When you want to take a trip, a home care agency can also offer 24-hour, in-home care.
The last thing is tell your family you're taking a trip, and they need to step up. All they have to do is take turns and spending just an hour with your grandma while you're gone; she'd feel very loved.
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