I am the youngest of two siblings. I am unmarried and have a brother who is two years older. When Mom fell, I knew I would be moving home to care for her 24/7. I left my job, lost my retirement, moved back across the state and in general have left my former life behind. My Mom and I had the talk many times before that if this time came, she did not want to be a burden and for us toput her in a nursing home. I am not emotionally at a place to do that. I want to do everything I can to care for her as long as I can. In the interim, I have used what I had in retirement and savings to keep from losing my home and while my mortgage is current, I owed some back fees in my homeowners association. I have not been able to leave Mom long enough to even go and get my home in decent enough shape to put up for sale in order to not take a huge hit financially and I had spoken with our property manager about this and they were aware of my Moms health issues and filed a lien on my home and then sued me on top of that. I understand the lien and obviously once I sell my home I will pay those back fees. I just don't understand why they had to add more stress and cost to what I owe them. I am meeting a lawyer tomorrow to see what can be done. All that being said...what do others of you do financially to do this....I have no backup...all of my clothes and belongings are still in my home and I have only what I was able to put in the car and bring Mom home back in December 2011. I am under so much stress I feel that I am about to literally collapse. I find myself getting extremely angry these days. I also fear I am going to lose my home and anything else I have as my mind is so stressed I can't even think straight. Additionally, my car broke down over two months ago and is still in the shop. On top of all that I have not had one night away from here in over six months...Does anyone have any ideas??? HELP!
Good luck getting things done quickly. And try to get your brother involved. Has he had any input on what is happening with your mother and what is going on in your own life?
I know why, I think. You love your mother. You think you are doing the right thing for her. You feel obligated. You feel guilty. But those reasons are all about you. What about your mother? I'll bet she would be absolutely appalled if she were well and could see what you are doing to yourself.
When you see the attorney tomorrow, ask for a referral to a good specialist in elder law. (Insist on a specialist, even if this attorney assures you that he/she can handle it.) With the elder law attorney's guidance, start the process of applying for Medicaid. At least bring in in-home care, under the Elderly Waiver portion of Medicaid. Start looking at long term care facilities. They have changed tremendously in the last generation. Avoid any that are still horrors under the old model, but you will certainly be able to find something suitable. This should be located near where you want to live.
You need to take care of your own life. You need to plan responsibly for your own retirement. Your mother would want that! None of us go into this educated about our options. It is time for you to explore the options that will allow you to be the loving, caring daughter that you are, but with someone else doing at least part of the 24/7 hands-on care.
I'm sorry for being harsh. My heart truly does go out to you, and I know that you are trying to do the right thing. It isn't turning out to be right, and it is time to make serious changes.
Foreclosure Assistance
The Alabama Foreclosure Prevention Collaboration, along with the United Way and the Department of Housing and Urban Development, has created a 211 line for mortgage loss mitigation and foreclosure assistance. After August 1, 2008 when a caller dials "211", in most areas of the state, and request assistance regarding loss mitigation or foreclosure issues, the caller will be directed to the nearest HUD approved counseling agency. There are 56 HUD approved counseling agencies throughout the state.