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Mom is 93, has dementia and lives in a memory care facility. Quality of life is poor and we're looking at the end of funds and transfer to a medicaid facility which might be beyond visiting distance. I have full power of attorney and pay all bills. ( son ). I'd like to transition to comfort care only. The POLST form has been updated to reflect that. However the doctor states they need to meet with both of us before considering a medication stop order. I've set up the appointment but not sure what I'll do if mom is questioned and says she wants to keep taking the meds. I could stop paying the pharmacy, and have told them not to send any more. This morning mom said " have you seen your parents lately." So I'm not optimistic about a meaningful Dr. consultation.

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Your mother's doctor will take into account her ability (or lack of it) to understand what he is telling and asking her. Don't forget, he needs her informed consent to the px. If she can't comprehend the information, she can't give her consent. I shouldn't worry about it.

By the way, though. If the doctor disagrees that it is in your mother's best interests to stop this px, be sure you understand the clinical reasoning before you fire that one and get a second opinion. Blood pressure problems can make a person feel terrible, so there could a quality of life issue to stopping them.
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"Removing a blood pressure medication before they enter the very last stage (called the active phase of dying) would amount to actively choosing to hasten death" Hospice Patients Alliance
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The tone of your post is making me feel a little squeamish. You can't stop medicating someone just because in your opinion their QOL is poor and you want to hurry things along so you can avoid medicaid. I could have stopped giving my mom her prescribed meds, and for that matter feeding her too, but although on most days she seems to be an empty shell she is not dying, and to withhold the necessaries of life would be something other than merciful in the eyes of the law.
(and just to add, I am pro death with dignity)
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Thanks for your responses. We are "actively postponing" death by administering a complicated "cocktail" of drugs now. I don't see this as Euthanasia and only those really close to the situation can see all sides. But I do appreciate the feedback. Yes, we are actively choosing to allow natural causes to take their course and consider that the best route at this point. Her memory care home is able to transition her to a "hospice-like" experience as we do see comfort as top priority.
There is no guarantee her current home will keep her if she goes on Medicaid and I have to consider the possibility of locating her somewhere to far away to visit.
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Natural causes will come whether you stop the B/P meds or not. What stopping then may do is cause her to have a heart attack or stroke which will add to her suffering There are drugs that really don't matter at this stage like cholesterol drugs so a review of everything she is taking is certainly in order. Maybe a hospice consultation may be in order.
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My mom has CHF and chronic HPB. When we checked into the possibility of hospice two years ago, they NEVER mentioned discontinuation of bp meds as a suggestion.
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It isn't a question of whether a drug sustains life. It's a question of whether it makes your mother feel better. And the kind of drugs that you're talking about, which may make her feel better, and while they may also incidentally prolong her life, won't keep her going indefinitely and aren't heroic measures.

To repeat: an experienced doctor will give you good advice, and certainly will want to remove any px's that are of no further benefit to your mother.

Judging your mother's quality of life by what you would or wouldn't like is a schoolboy error in terms of ethics. Bear in mind that with age and experience you may come to a very different point of view. What matters now is what is best for your mother: if she is content, unafraid and not in pain, it doesn't matter whether she knows who you are and it doesn't even matter if twenty or thirty years ago she'd have said "shoot me if I ever go gaga." Or not unless she wrote it down and signed it, anyway.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh, it's just that you have rather given the impression of working to a schedule, and being in a bit of a hurry about it at that.
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It's been an interesting discussion. The consultation appointment for mom and her doctor is tomorrow.
Thanks for the input.
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Great responses. Thanks. What wasn't addressed above though, is the distinct possibility of having to transfer her to a less-than-desirable facility, possibly where I couldn't visit. That would certainly fall into the category of suffering, on her part. Medicaid is currently under the microscope so we don't know what's going to happen with it. I've seen people post on such forums things like " I will bankrupt my family, kids, grandkids, the country to keep my 110 year old parent alive another week." Nobody above is sounding like that, but we have to look at the entire picture.
Yes, we are discussing hospice and as I mentioned, her current memory care unit can accommodate that.
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On this forum, although you do see people making astounding sacrifices (including some one might think were possibly excessive or at least unmerited), there is I'd say a strong feeling in favour of self-preservation first - certainly of spouses and children first.

Of course nobody wants to see their parent in a h3ll-hole. But there is "undesirable" and then there's "rather be dead."

Are you having a lot of trouble with Medicaid? Any specific problems that people (not me, not my area) might be able to help with?
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