Mother has seizures ever so often (fainting type), a bad diabetic on insulin, has problems with dizziness and balance, but feels she doesn't need anyone to stay with her. My husband and I will run to Wal-mart or go get coffee by ourselves about once every two weeks during the day. We never go out by ourselves at night because she doesn't like to be by herself at night. 2 and a half years of this. We've about had it.
1. I and my brothers are not young people, we all have health problems (back, knees, COPD, diabetes) that are exasterbated by caring for mom. We can't pick her up off the floor if she falls, we can't pick her up from a wheelchair to move her to/from a car.
2. Bathing is a HUGE risk for the same reasons outlined above. If we can't bath her regularily there is increased risk to her of urinary tract infections and other ailments. We can't easily remodel our home bathrooms for handicapped access to accommodate the lift now necessary to help her. We did use all kinds of contraptions (sliding shower chairs, roll-in shower stall) for years but she's beyond those now.
3. She often refused to take medicines when one of us gave them to her. There is the child-parent dynamic and we just can't be as "tough" (if that's the best word) to make them take meds, therapy and do all of the "right stuff" that they should do.
4. Need to maintain our own savings - we must all work full time and can't be at home 24-7. We can't afford time off without pay - helping her now means we won't have money for our own old age. We did pay aides to come in for a few hours but Mom's physical condition deteriorated to the point that we could not find someone willing to meet her needs. As I said above the risk to her and to the caregiver was too great.
5. Finally - think about your Mom at age 50 or 60 - what would she tell you about caring for her at this stage in her life? Would she understand or insist that you make the sacrifices? My mom told me over and over NOT to do it but remain loving and help as much as possible.
i don't want to toot my own horn but I've been blogging about this - it's strictly non-commercial and to help others like you to see what we've done for and what I and my family go through. It's at help-4-mom.blogspot.com - i hope you find something helpful there too.
Good luck. You are a good daughter and I'm sure your mom is proud of you whether she recognizes it or not.