She lives in PA and I live in NJ. I need to get her to NJ so I can protect her. She is being controlled by my inept brother. She is barely fed, never washed, all her money is being spent, but not on the bills. She is in extreme danger. He has her afraid of him. She won't sign a paper, he won't let her. She needs immediate medical help.
What's really going on:
He's neglecting her in order to save as much money as possible by neglecting her needs and spending money on her so he can have more to himself. This is a big red flag. Abusers often start on vulnerable people when they know the potential victim has no one living nearby who can protect them. This can also happen in the case where the person has no family, so the abuser just moves right on in and makes their move. Even if there is a family and they live pretty far away and may not even be in contact with the potential victim, this is where vultures use this as an opportunity to play out their strategy for self benefit. This is why her bills are not being paid and she is not getting medical care or other needs met. Meeting her needs would mean less money for him, which is why she's rarely fed (food is expensive).
I think there's a strong possibility he may very well be living large at her expense. If he smokes or drinks, there goes a good chunk of her money. If you see him showing up with a new car or other new stuff, that may also be coming out of her money.
If she's on the verge of eviction or utility cut off, blame him.
* What you need to do now is get an eldercare lawyer involved and put a lien on all of his property and bank accounts and regain as much of her money as possible.
* Find out where her bank is an alert the bank to what's been going on. Take with you any unpaid bills and any bank statements you can get a hold of. Request to talk with the manager and tell them about the elder financial abuse. They should be trained and what to look for where financial abuse is involved whether intended or not. Sometimes financial abuse can be mistaken for simply just taking out a certain amount of cash and paying some stuff in cash, make sure of this before assuming financial abuse in any case. What you need to do though is alert the bank and they may want to know how long this is been going on so they can check any records and even video surveillance of any ATM use with her card. They'll have a record of her bank card number and they'll know if someone else used her card. In some cases though, people grant access to their bank accounts and even lend out their cards. Be aware of this when pursuing this but I think there's probably some financial abuse going on, and he shouldn't be given the benefit of doubt or even be allowed access to her bank account. What needs to be done right now is to block his access to her bank account and even have the bank put a temporary block on her account. Yes, they can temporarily freeze or stop your account. In the case of fraud which is what you're describing, they would be able to temporarily freeze her bank account and stop all transactions.
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* What you can also do is move her money to a new account and close the old one.
* When paying her bills, setting up bills to be paid automatically online is the safest way to assure your bills are paid even on days you can't get out to pay them or when you would rather be elsewhere doing something else.
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* Be sure though to set the bills up one by one on your end and don't let companies come after the money, this is where so many people have been ripped off.
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* If they won't give you a copy of the bill, that's a huge red flag. Don't do business with that particular company. Don't argue with them over the phone, just hang up, no matter what they say and even if they use a scare tactic. Just firmly stand your ground and say "no one gets access to my bank account." Keep repeating it no matter what they say. If they still persist, just hang up. With enough people doing this, eventually companies will get the message if it's a strong enough one.
I went digital years ago, it's the best thing I ever did with my money where bills are involved. I don't carry cash anymore and haven't for quite some time and less I owe a private party which is rare. I try to keep cash in the bank and out of my wallet as much as possible.
As for the physical abuse, I'm a survivor myself and I can tell you what it's like to fear your abuser, and yes, it sounds like she really is scared even for her life. She knows that whatever conditions she has, she could die from if they're serious enough.
* It sounds to me like he's deliberately neglecting her just to get her to die so she'd be out of his way and the money and anything else valuable would all be his. This is his way of saving as much money so he can spend it on himself and live large at her expense. Don't let this happen. What you need to do is go to her location but have the local cops in her area meet you at the house and just remove her from the home if the home is in his name. If the home is in her name, have him removed from her home especially if he's not paying her rent, then he's a squatter. Find out who's name the home is in, and just remove whoever shouldn't be there.
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* When involving the cops, see if you can first gather all paper trails of unpaid bills and missing money from her account and even where the bank has put a stop on her account. Then see if you can get proof of emergency guardianship from the court. You may very well need the help of the APS to get this ball rolling right away. Don't let his bad behavior continue another day because if she needs emergency treatment now, she could be dead tomorrow.
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* Speak to the EMTs in her area and tell them what you told us and have her taken to the ER and fully examined. If she's malnourished, they'll know right away especially if they can see her skeletal system through her skin. The hospital will definitely be able to help you get the ball rolling and get her some proper protections in place. Keep all of these records as well and get as many statements from doctors as possible and keep those handy.
Again, a lawyer really needs to be involved and be able to put liens on any assets he has and freeze his bank account. If he tries to sell any property, the lawyer should be able to put a stop on that by court order. What needs to happen is everything he has should be liquidated and all of the money he spent on himself should be returned to her and put into her bank account. What you may need to do is see if she'll let you put your name on her account but only as a trustee.
Another idea is to see if the bank can keep a close eye on her account and alert you if there's anything suspicious on record.
Finally, if she has any insurance policies especially life insurance, be very wary, he may have been coercing her and she may have already signed over her life insurance to him as the beneficiary when she's gone. Another thing to be wary of is if he may have taken out a life insurance policy on her while this has been going on. He may have intent to either kill her or call her to die a slow agonizing death through the neglect that you're describing.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so get very loud over this and don't back down. Alert all of her neighbors of what's going on and get some attention. Somewhere along the line someone will step in and back you up. She's probably been isolated from friends and family anyway, alert everyone she knows and the rest of the family to what's going on. Get as much attention as possible and draw as much attention to the abuser as possible by alerting everyone to what's going on. Draw as much attention to this as absolutely possible and people will come out of the cracks to help put a stop to this
"She lives in Pa and I live in NJ, I need to get her to NJ so I can protect her. She is barely fed, never washed, all her money is being spent, but not on the bills. She is in extreme danger"
The attorney would need to be knowledgable for both states if you are wanting to move your mother to NJ. Is she living in her own home now? Who is abusing her? A sibling, a step father, your dad? Is your mother competent?
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