It is my husbands family, not even mine. I cannot take anymore. I need time for my own Dr. Appointments , I have to take care of my father in law and his eldest child, 63yrs.. My husbands older sister. I took time to have eye surgery in Nov.. My husbands sister told me that I could not do that anymore. That no one can help me like this. I am one person and have been here over six months. I want to just walk out the door and not look back!
Please come back to clarify, but if someone is telling you to neglect yourself, laugh gently and say " I couldn't possibly do that"...
If you have low self esteem and it's a factor in allowing these people to manipulate you, try to find a support group for emotionally battered women; you'll need to respect yourself enough to stand up to these people and stop the domination.
I have to take care of
There is no I in team me dear and no 'u' in this particular team. This is NOT your job, not your role, you have already been abused by the person you have so generously cared for. It has to stop. let me give you a scenario
OK so he punched you and you were probably shaken but OK. What if you had been off balance when he punched you? What if YOU had fallen and hit your head on the corner of a table and suffered brain damage? What if you had fallen and broken your arm or even just sprained a wrist? Who is going to do the care then? You can bet your life they would take some action then. I would tell them you are going away for a few days respite. Tell your husband you are going. His family his time to act - IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM IT IS HIS PROBLEM and if he won't sort it one way then I am afraid you have to be more direct. GA and I are right behind you hun xxxxxx
And like someone stated .. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. be direct.
Time for him to be put somewhere where THEY can take care of him.
FIL was in and out of the hospital for the 4 months. He required daily care, so I drove 10 miles to his house 3 times a day to make sure he was fed, bathed and to clean up after him. I'd drop him off at his favorite coffee shop in the am, come back to his place to try to clean, pick him up and he'd sit in his recliner all day, dozing and reading, then Id be there again at noonish, then at night to make sure he'd have food and was OK. Also had 2 enormous wounds from a fall that required debriding and re-dressing twice a day.
I did this daily for 4 months and I was beyond exhausted. I think if he hadn't passed when he did, we would have had no choice but to put him in a NH. Hubby did absolutely nothing--he'd gag when I changed the dressings, he wouldn't clean around the toilets, just sat there with this horrified look on his face--some people really aren't cut out for caregiving--no offense to those who can't..but realistically? Dad should have been in a NH the entire year before he died. It was brutal on my SIL and me. You need to self preserve, there were a few nights when I would call my hubby and tell him I couldn't take it and HE had to get his dad dinner and get him ready for bed. Wow, did I hear about how hard that was. Until you walk in a caregiver's shoes, you don't realize how hard it can be.
The FAMILY should be looking NOW at facilities. If they don't, give them your "quit date" and walk away. (If you can, I don't know how bad your FIL is)..but if he is hitting you--holy cow--you need to lay down the law to this family and take care of you.
I also don't get as much help as I need, and I plan to call for respite care when I want to go on a mini vacation. This is my New Years Resolution, and I urge you to contact social services and get some back up support to help you deal with the others in your family. I know that they have mediation services available, and you need all the support that you can get.
I understand that your husband has a job with long hours, but he needs to be manning up and supporting you.
With no disrespect to your religion, it isn't going to stop someone from punching you or controlling your life. Police do that, and you do that by getting out of the situation.
What she was saying is that prayer alone will not save you from further abuse.
Any higher being whose guidance said endure being a punchbag would not be a higher being I would subscribe to and despite the 'turn the other cheek' speech by Jesus in Matthew 5 I do have to tell you that that did not mean be a doormat - it was in fact a very clever way of inviting someone to act in a way that would demonstrate to their peers that rather than being of a higher class than another, that we are all equal (before god would be the assumption there). (see told you lot I used to be a Sunday School teacher before I lost my faith)
PS to all those on here of other faiths or of no faith I used the terms from the Bible because Tired indicated she was a Christian and for no other reason xxx
I really hope you are ready to walk away on the 31st. It is REALLY hard to set limits and follow through.
Not to make this a "religious" post, as we are not supposed to, I once had a therapist tell me that Jesus said "turn the other cheek.." but He also meant "don't stand there and get beaten to death".
Walk away in the 31st and don't look back. reclaim your life.