My mother has had a stroke which turned into dementia she lost her husband a couple years prior to that and she is still grieving. My sister was watching her for almost a year but now she is moving to West VA. I have a found a pretty nice place for Dementia residents that just opened this past June. I talked to my mother about she would have to move to an apt. and we would have to sell the house (that she has lived in for over 45 years) Does anyone have any advice on how to break it to her and getting her there without physically forcing her. We are planning on doing a reverse mortgage to get her in there because my sister will be leaving in a couple weeks and then we were going to sell her home and land to use towards her staying at this center. Any advice how to approach. I discussed it with her but she said "stop treating me like I am 2 years old I will leave when I feel like leaving and if I sell this house I will just buy a smaller one"
Does she know your sister is leaving? Ask her what she will do then. Remind her how hard the place is to care for, and how icy the roads get in winter. Do you have POA? You will need that to get the RM and sell her land and house.
Good luck! I don't envy you.
Something that worked for me... Maybe find others who have moved and have her meet them casually and without pressure. My mom met people who were so happy to have moved that she started thinking it would be fun. She met them in all kinds of places throughout her community like at the library and even her dental assistant. The facility will also help with ideas too.
Take it slowly and keep trying all kinds of things. Talk with everyone in the area and ask what works for them.
Stay open ... you may find another facility or other solutions along they way as well that you and she like even better. This is a special part of life where you both may meet interesting and kind people. I hope you both can find a way to enjoy this task ahead of you.
I thought it was a burden for me at first taking time from my life and work and in retrospect, I now realize it was an interesting puzzle that we got to solve together.
Someone told me to try to change my perspective to a good one. I think you may already have a good perspective. The advice I got was to think of it as an interesting challenge and look for the good that may come from the investigation ... like meeting new people, learning about how you want to live your life going forward and finding clues to a mystery in our lives.
Pumpkin, does your mother have any friends or people she keeps in touch with that she truly trusts. We were blessed because mom had 2 older woman...one a volunteer with AARP who did her income taxes....the other a former co-worker. These lovely souls would help to keep me informed on my mothers situation because mom would talk with me or sis about what she was feeling or struggling with. I was over my mom's house daily, 2-3 times a day...once to give her medication at the same time during my lunch breaks, another just to check on her and make sure she was safe, and on my days off work...a 3rd time to bring her home cooked food. My mom refused to have home health come in her home even though the LTC would cover it. She got more confused thinking that if she cancelled the policy she would not have to go into a care facility. We were able to stay one step ahead of her because these two ladies understood and worked with during this period. The volunteer is 93 years old....my mom is 84, such a difference in their cognitive abilities. It is such a shame that Alz/dementia has to happen to anyone.
There is no easy road here. Look at her health, your health, the finances of each of you and your sister, what is possible with the legal and medical advice. We all just do the best we can. Medicaid will kick in once your mother uses up all her assets however, do you want her to be a Medicaid patient? Which facilities will take her on Medicaid for the rest of her life that are decent? These are the questions I asked myself when I was caring for my elderly very disabled father.
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