She is living with me while she waits to get into senior housing. I was able to get her to part with quite a few of her many collections of knick knacks by sending them to auction..but she got quite angry at me..telling me I have to have some nice things..becoming teary...in short..calling me heartless. She is unable to clean like she once did...when I cleaned out her home..it was knee deep in dust and was smelly. We saved far more than she's going to have room for...I thought if she could actually see the size of the apartment..she would realize...but that didn't seem to register....she also wanted to keep all of her very large pots and pans..etc...stained clothing...it's been a real battle..a real guilt trip..that my brother lets me travel alone...sigh...I tried to explain to her she has had the enjoyment of these things for many years...now pass it on..let others enjoy these beautiful things..that didn't help either..AND she continues to buy more dust collectors...for sure she's going to have to hire a weekly cleaning person...in the meantime we will have to haul all this stuff she insists ..unrealistically she has to have...to her new apartment..where she will see...it won't fit..my bro says..."YOU need to convince mom not to keep all that stuff! Really?!
If the latter, there's no "convincing". The "planning" part of the brain is what is missing in Mild Cognitive Impairment. Even more so in dementia.
What is mom's financial situation? Has she got the money for a storage unit? Can she understand a schematic of her new apartment and how much room it does (and doesn't) have?
Down-sizing is hard! And if you suffer from depression to start with, the thought of not even having your "pretty things" is a downer. Poor Mom. But you are not being mean -- just facing the practical necessities.
I once decided it was time to get rid of some of the "baby souvenirs" I had kept. I really didn't still need that smelly cigar Daddy handed out to his friends! But how could I save them all these years and ruthlessly throw them out? What helped me was taking good pictures of each item and making a little scrapbook. I wonder if that might be a small comfort to your mother, too.
And, btw, hiring a weekly cleaning person might be a very appropriate idea whether she owns a lot of dust collectors or not. Those apartments are really small and maybe she can manage very well on her own. But at a certain point, we deserve to retire!
I'm sure you're right that your mother has lost track of her possessions. I wouldn't say it worked completely, as in avoided all arguments and upset, but when we moved my late mother to our current house I concentrated on putting key possessions in her rooms and boxed/bagged the rest for "storage." Actually I wasn't fibbing to her - I really did store the items, and I'm still clearing them out now, nearly a year after her death, from the various places where they have sat unmolested since we paid an enormous amount of money to bring them with us. Fume, seethe!
So, you're doing the right thing: concentrate on good places for favourite pieces, box up the rest and keep quiet about it. Their ultimate destination will be a matter for your conscience and the practicalities: but comfort yourself that you can only do your best.
It's really heavy going. Hugs to you, and keep posting.
During that four years of care I tried a few times to start getting rid of stuff at Mom's. That was impossible! She wanted me to move the stuff to another pile for her to go through "later". I learned very early that to get anything done, Mom could not be at home. So, not much was actually thinned out. Those things were a big part of her life and they were important to her. There is no way that this becomes easier especially if she is developing dementia. All I can suggest is to go through things when she is not around. Would she agree to put those special things in boxes to use as birthday, anniversay, wedding or Christmas gifts to others?
Mom had a good hospital based geriatrician and later, an MD at her IL place who specialized in elders; an neurologist/neuropsych team at a major rehab place who diagnosed her MCI; but it's really been the three geriatric psychiatrists she's seen (one during a hospitalization, one at IL and the psych APRNs at her current NH who've made all the difference. They've slowly found the right mix (two anti-depressants and a little bit of an anti anxiety agent--all on a regular, not AS NEEDED basis. Mom is calm, content but not "doped". She used to worry about everything and yes, tossed and turned all night.
So, even if you can't find a better PCP right now, see if you can find a psychiatrist who specializes in elders; there might be a wait, but very well worth it.