My mom lives alone and is reluctant to join any group, club, etc. How do I get her to make friends outside of me and family?

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My mom lives alone and is reluctant to join any group, club, etc. How do I get her to make friends outside of me and family?

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Mom has always relied on my dad, my sister and me for her socialization. I am now the only one that lives in the same town since my dad has passed. I feel that she needs to make friends her own age and am worried that her isolation is leading to depressive symptoms.

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One thing I have learned since my Mom's dementia has evolved is that I'm the one more concerned with her socializing than she is...My Mom never was much of a socializer and now I try to think up things to get her out of the house and she doesn't even care or appreciate it...so I stopped doing it.. I'll take her to the supermarket etc.. Simple things but don't go out of my way to bring her any where else. She'll just complain the whole time anyway! She wasn't a complainer before dementia, so it's just another adjustment I had to make. It sucks, but she's happy.

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If your mom's habit of a lifetime has been to have few if any relationships outside of her family, that is unlikely to change now. You might try taking her to a fer events where the subject matter interests her and provide her the opportunity to connect with others based on a common interest. I wouldn't focus too much on age.

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We had a similar challenge with my Dad when he lived alone. He did not seem to want to do any of the things that we recommended. It turns out that when peers invited him to do the things with them, he was more likely to go. Is there any time when your Mom is around people her age? Maybe you can get them to invite her to join them in activities. Also, now that Dad lives in independent/assisted living, he does all kinds of activities that his friends sign him up for. Last week, they went to the State Fair, Yesterday they went bicycling (with a group that has appropriate equipment for people with disabilities). I think the key is that he feels independent.

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id Mom has always been a loner she's unlikely to change. Of course she is sad right now she is mourning your dad. Have her see her Dr and have them assess her for depression and treat if necessary. Has she recently started on any new medications? Research the side effects. Older people don't necessarily want to do things their caregivers feel are "good for them" Try inviting suitable people over for coffee or a meal. Nothing fancy keep it simple till you see what she enjoys. Start by doing things with her where you meet new people. Our YMCA has a senior swim in the mornings and all the participants gather have their swim then go across the road for breakfast at Dennys and more socialization. Another group meets for lunch and afterwards when the restaurant isn't serving a meal they enjoy a few hands of bridge.

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My Mom's life revolved around taking care of my father while he was sick and when he passed, there was a gaping hole in her life. She was in denial about her depression and anxiety, for almost five years. I kept begging her to get out, gets some meds, and enjoy her freedom. She was so blessed to be healthy. Once she finally got on the right meds for depression, she turned the corner, but it was almost too late. The dementia had already begun to set in. All the things I hoped she'd enjoy, were again out of reach.

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A little different perspective ...

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Isolation can certainly be negative for a person with depressive tendencies, and various forms of mental illness. But some people are naturally more self-contained and less interested in socializing. Being an introvert is not pathological and doesn't need curing. :)

Being in mourning is not the same as being clinically depressed.

Keep an eye on your mother, LynnHC123. You are a loving daughter to be concerned about her social life. But if she has recently lost her life partner and soul mate it may take her quite a while to figure out exactly how she wants her lifestyle to look. Be patient with her. Continue to suggest activities. Call her often. Visit her. If you think that she might be depressed, discuss it with her. Does she feel she needs some help?

As a recent widow myself it amazes me how long the grieving process can take, and how many emotional climate changes occur. Not everything needs to be "fixed" -- some things just need to get worked out over time.

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Remember growing up? Some people had a ton of friends and some had one or two. We are not always social. So first, what kind of socializing did mom do in the past? Groups or singles? Was it dancing, quilting, reading, serving?
It may be helpful to find a "service" she can do. Volunteer to arrange books at the library, or be a greeter, or read at the elementary school. If she is able to quilt, crochet, etc, she can make projects to donate. Even tying a polar fleece blanket may be simple enough. You will need to do the contacting at first, taking her for delivery, etc. Let her try different things and she may find a niche, or she may just want to limit her socialization to family. Also, churches often visit the widows.

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It has taken my mom over 6 months to want to get acquainted with the people in her assisted living. She has always been eager to help others and share her amazing life story and has begun to share and get acquainted. But seldom sees others except at meal times. She skips meals a lot tho. Saying she doesn't get hungry. I keep insisting she go. She lost a lot of weight over the last few years when I wasn't able to have her near me. She was widowed 6 months ago and her whole life changed, I'm just thankful she is coming back to us. She has dementia too, so I spend my time with her ( and on the phone) Answering the same questions over and over. Her physical health is good and so I keep trying to encourage her to join in to life around her again.

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My mother chooses to be a recluse. She wants only me and certain family members to take care of her socialization and needs. She is not the most delightful person to be around. Very negative and a complaining drama queen. I am glad she lives an hour away from me. I only see her so often and only take her to doctors appointments which she is required to schedule at my availability or she has to make other arangements. Done with being a convenient doormat to a very miserable person who refuses to do anything to help herself.

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I just went over this topic with my mother, at her Dr.'s appointment, this past Wednesday. My mother is 80 and has lived with us for a year. She has her little apartment area, and just seems to want to read and watch TV all the time. She was never a social person. She had been an only child, just like I am. Her Dr. said that if she were 60, that he would try to encourage more social activities to make her 80's a more enjoyable time..but since she is already 80 and has been this way for years, he told me to not feel guilty if she is doing what she claims to want to do. I always felt this need to entertain her. My husband and I always ask her to go with us when we leave, but she always refuses. I try not to let it bother me anymore.

My mom lives alone and is reluctant to join any group, club, etc. How do I get her to make friends outside of me and family?

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