I live in another state from my mom, whom I believe has some form of dementia. She is not taking care of herself or her home, but she is in total denial and completely resistant to help. She quit the one home health care program I got her into. Ideally, it would be great to have someone coming to the home a few times a week to clean her and her space, help her go the bathroom, take her shopping, etc. But I don't think she'll agree to anything, and I'm not sure how to make sure it gets done without her consent. Any advice is incredibly helpful, thank you.
For what it is worth,and it is worth a lot, almost everyone on this site has been in your shoes. There is a transition period in which the elder is losing faculties but the family is still figuring that out. I would strongly urge you to visit and spend a good amount of time. In our case, our sort visits prolonged things because my mom could mask her problems for the duration of a short visit. It was not until we went on holiday and actually lived together that I realized how bad things were with my mom. They were very bad...
But we were still a long way form having her realize that. To a degree, we had to wait for disaster to strike--fortunately it was not a fatal disaster but enough to get everyone's attention.
It is hard, and long, and slow. Call the Area Agency on Aging; they really helped us.
1. Wait until disaster strikes, like falling/fire/illness that require hospitalization and then, with the help of the discharge counselor and social worker, get her to a nursing home.
2. Petition the county court in her county to have a Guardian appointed and a court order issued for placement in a nursing home.
Your choice.
My Mom took a very serious fall, had head trauma, thus spent her final months in long-term-care. If only she wasn't so stubborn nor in denial, maybe she could have still been here, living in a nice senior facility along with my Dad.