My Mom is 83 years old single and lives alone. She still works (She has worked her whole life and loves working. Her job is everything to her and we are afraid if she looses that job she will give up on life and die) and drives and she has very bad eyesight. My brother and I have tried to tell her she will get into an accident and she refuses to stop. How do we communicate to her that she needs to stop driving? She's very stubborn and independent. Are there services that offer rides to the elderly?
When the letter comes in the mail, ordering him to retest, you have no idea how it came about, but volunteer to take him for the test. Don't let up that you narc-ed him out.
My mom gave up driving, voluntarily, but I'd heard a tip that you call the bureau of motor vehicles the day before she gets her next license, tell them the situation, and let them be the "bad guy" about taking her license.
Or, I suppose you could just physically take the keys from her and not give them back, if she's not close to renewal and truly a danger. I'm not saying that's easy, just saying it might be the only option.
Has she had a thorough eye exam lately? She really needs one, and some input from the eye doctor on whether or not she should be driving.
Taking a cab to work, or getting a co-worker to ferry her to and from work are good ideas. There may even be someone in your community (a retiree, a stay-at-home-mom) who'd like to pick up some extra money by driving her.
But my dad was retired and didn't have a job like your mom does. That poses it's own unique problem. Who would get her to her job if she didn't drive? Here in St. Louis we have communities that have cute little busses that will pick up seniors. But there are some communities that don't have them. You might want to see if your mom's community offers this service.
That your mom loves her job and gives her a sense of purpose is very important and makes the driving issue much more difficult. Taking away the car may mean taking away her purpose and as you said, that could lead to a very rapid decline. I just have to think there's a solution.
Can she carpool with anyone?
Can family pitch in to get her to and from work?
With poor eyesight you're right to be concerned. It's just a matter of time before she has an accident. I hope you can get this figured out before her options are taken away from her.
Make an appointment for mom at one of the eyeglass storefronts for an exam. Perhaps new glasses can help her. If she fails that exam with corrected vision, she absolutely should not be driving. Have the doctor write to the Secretary of State to have her driver's license revoked. Straight and to the point? You bet.
Look, we have a responsibility far beyond that of a loved one whose feelings we don't want to be hurt. If the doctor determines she shouldn't be driving, you must do everything in your power to stop her. That includes confiscating her keys and taking possession of her car. Period. There's no middle ground.
If she's still working, she has some money. Encourage it to use it to keep herself and others safe. Many taxi companies will do a special rate for a regular rider. Or perhaps she can bum a ride from someone she works with. All mom's life she never drove. She used to pay a co-worker who lived on her way to pick her up and take her home every day. Or perhaps you and your brother can alternate and give her a ride. Or a neighbor of your mom needs some extra money and could do it on a regular basis. There are solutions.
If your mom shouldn't be driving (after you've actually confirmed that), you simply MUST get her off the road.