My mom & dad divorced many years ago, they are both 87 and there are 5 children 2 out of state. My dad got to the point healthwise where he couldn't take care of himself and was failing rapidly, he called and said he can't do it anymore by himself we picked him up he lived with my husband and I for 4 months when we put him in an assisted living home. The doctors gave him 6 months and he lived 3 1/2 years. It was very difficult dealing with him daily but, we did my husband is retired and my dad became his responsibility as far as doctors, tests, medication delivery everything. My husband and I worked diligently on everything for him and my dad knew this. We had joint checking and savings accounts for years and on each investment he had I was his beneficiary. Last year we cashed everything in because his cost of living became more costly and per the suggestion of his tax man, being my dad was in a cheaper tax bracket it would be better. I tried keeping all of my siblings updated with everything via email and letters however; they would criticize everything I said or did so we would argue. The one that received the letters never read them. It's been a nightmare I just couldn't believe my family could be like this. We were even accused of stealing material things from my dad. No help, no support, nothing. Now my dad has passed away. I've been told everything is mine and I'm entitled to it all however; this is not me. I want to share his monies, not equally however. How do I do this and my siblings not argue with me about amounts and not splitting equally. I do not feel they are entitled! There is no will, I was his POA and handled everything my dads feeling was I would handle everything the way I felt best. And now I don't know what or how to do it as I don't even want them to know the monies left because it never mattered when he was alive. Not one question pertaining to how much he started with, how much I paid out monthly, how much this increased, that increased nothing. This is so difficult as I don't want to appear greedy however; they most certainly don't deserve what my husband and I do, missing work and spending days, days and more days handling everything that needed to be taken care of from moving him from up north to a new facility, living with us, social security, Medicare, insurance, medication, dealing with the doctors, nurses, aides everything! Also, being with him Birthdays and all Holidays when no one else would appear.
Before the money can be divided up, creditors must be paid. For example if he owed anything to the ALF, that will be taken out first. Perhaps you can submit a "bill" for the services you provided. Since you didn't have a contract (I assume) I'm not sure if that would be considered a valid debt. Might be worth a try.
If the money is substantial it would be worth getting advice from a lawyer.
Wait. Wait! Is this going through probate? It looks like Dad took care of things by having you on his bank accounts and making you his beneficiary. In that case you do get all the money, fair and square. Your siblings don't even have to know how much it is. If you feel generous, give them each some money and keep the rest.
You still might want to contact a lawyer, to help mitigate the inevitable roaring of your sibs. Perhaps if they got a letter on a law firm's letterhead stating that you have inherited all of your father's funds. You wish to share $xxx with them. You are doing this of your own free will and are not obligate to do it.
By his actions your father arranged for you to get it all! I don't think you need feel guilty about not splitting it evenly. It is generous of you to share at all.
Meanwhile, as long as you've kept good records of his income, assets, costs, expenses - everything he had, everything you spent on him - you'll be in the clear and no one can claim anything from you yourself, which is nice to think about.
What you do about sniping, back-seat-driving siblings who now there's money involved suddenly rediscover their family ties, though... Sorry. They're best just risen above, as far as you possibly can.
One caution is that since the money is now yours, any amounts to the siblings would likely be considered a gift from you, and may have gift tax implications if the amounts exceed $14,000 per person, per year. You and your husband could each gift $14,000 per person without gift tax issues. If there is a large sum of money, you should use an attorney and a tax person to help you avoid any pitfalls.
If they argued with you while your dad was alive why wouldn't they argue with you now when they may have more to gain and no fear of having to care for dad? You've sought the advice of a tax professional. Perhaps a legal consultation will help you determine your liability and methods of distribution to avoid retaliation. Perhaps you have already had an attorney tell you it's all yours. We live in a litigious society and given the past behavior of your siblings they might not let it go. If you are legally the heir provide them that documentation. Then if you decide to give them a portion they might be better able to accept it without feeling cheated. They didn't accept your previous letters and emails etc. for whatever reason. Perhaps if you showed the lawyer what didn't work he would be able to come up with something different but more effective.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. Is your mother still living? Are you able to help care for her? Good luck on healing your family.
If this is the case, then all $ is yours. And it was dads decision & intention to do ths for you & your hubs. Btw hubs sounds like a real gem to essentially do things for your dad as if it was his dad.... You've got a great guy!
My suggestion is to first stall siblings by clearly stating that you need to make sure all bills & health care costs of dad are fully paid. For this alone allow 6 months.
Then second within this period you meet with your atty to determine IF siblings are to get anything and how to be distributed. With siblings already griping, it would be best that IF you decide to share that it all come to them via your atty & done certified mail with all paperwork in order. Atty may suggest that distribution be done so that ALL siblings have to return paperwork to law office BEFORE any distribution done. So if Sissy #2 won't sign & return paperwork as she feels it's unfair, not enough... Just whatever, it keeps the others from getting their payout. It's a way to deflect away from you.
? Desav ? For you? You mention parents were divorced, so do you need to set aside $ for mom? Like would dad have wanted that and he knew by leaving all $ to you, this would be done? If so, then whomever is moms DPOA & you need to discuss $& how best to distribute to her 6 mos from now.
As an aside to "intestate", for ones I've had to deal with, there needed to be a "lineal heirship" determination done. Which meant providing a probate atty who does these information as to all marriages, divorces and children from (even if now dead) to establish who in theory could be a heir. Usually heirship filed in court where person died & where real property is with notice in newspaper. Then allow for period of time for responses to notice. If no challenges, then $ & assets distribution request go to judge to sign off on a lineal heirship distribution order. Happiness all around!
But IF there are challenges - like heirs from marriage #1; or other snafus - like property never properly transferred in past - then judge is probably going to require dependent oversight by an appointed atty for the heirship with the heirs or estate paying those costs. I had this with an aunt I was executrix for.... Even though she had a will she also had land in other counties from prior marriages that still remained in long ago dead old husbands names, it took notifications and some research to establish no other heirs but her by marriage to get orders to allow the land to be placed into her estate assets for probate. Lineal has to be just right to pass the sniff test of however judge runs their court & your states laws. It's not a DIY, you need a probate atty who does lineals as its pretty specific research done.
I think the advice you've gotten covers all the bases. I would personally talk to an attorney specializing in this kind of thing. Without question, things will arise within the family and if you have the "law" backing you up, you will feel better about your choices.
Sounds like your sibs would be lucky to inherit anything, but for the sake of family peace, I would give each of them a certain amt with a document they must sign to show they understand this is all they are getting and no more.
I don't know how your mother is doing or the causation of the divorce. My FIL and MIL divorced 13 years before he passed. At that time she got WAY more than "half" and was nasty and negative until the day dad died. He had a rental house she ignored completely, and he quietly included that in his will. She "assumed" (I don't know why) she'd get that. Day after his funeral she is on the phone talking to ME about it. I let the executor (hubby) give her the news that she had never been left this house and she was not to inherit one cent. (She did, however, get the other half of dad's pension, so her income jumped up by double!!)
She had PLENTY, and then some. The executor gave her nothing, as was her due. However, I know that my FIL wouldn't have wanted her to struggle, so if she had "needed" any money, my FIL would have set it up to leave her a substantial amt. When things are NOT written down, you are really just working in the dark.
And BTW, even tho all the sibs got along and agreed, there was one sib who, without question, got the lion's share. She had done the most caregiving, I suppose, and it's not my family, so I kept under the radar and cleaned and painted.
Hang on, this isn't going to be a pleasant ride!
Rights are. The POA died with ur Dad. U will need executor to handle his estate. Hopefully you kept records on what u put out to get reimbursed. Otherwise, u may have to split 5 ways. The state will get involved and get their share.
This is what my Mom has done with me.
Even though Mom was thinking to rewrite her will to exclude my brother...it just doesn't matter. There is no estate for the will to probate.
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