I am in the emergency room with suspected fracture of the hip of my mum and one sib responds "Good luck!" and no response from the other. Since one responds cheerily (like hey ho! It's a party!) and the other one NOTHING.... resounding SILENCE..... why do I even bother?????? It's a real mystery to me why I even bothhhhhhher to include them in what they clearly do not care about.... and this has been going on for years..... however they made a pact to """"care""" (I use triple quotes because they said they """care""" so sincerely) during my dad's funeral, but then SLAM BAM THANK YOU M'AAM they then forget to care continuously even though this was my ONE gripe with them, that they should not only pray but they should also care continuously while thanking me profusely from the bottom of their bottomless and obviously evil and black-hole-ish [lack of] hearts for taking care of OUR mum. She is not just MY mum. What is their problem in understanding that?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? She is OUR mum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why should you bother contacting them to report significant events in Mother's life? Because it is the right thing to do, and at least no one can say you contributed to their neglect.
"Care" is kind of vague. Are there specific ways you'd like them to show their caring? You might try asking for specific things. "Sis, could you stay with Mom all day Saturday so I can go to a conference?" "Mother gets so lonely when she has to limit her activities. Could you send her a card or two next week? She loves getting mail and it will cheer her up." Possibly your sisters are clueless about how to show care. Probably not. They probably just don't care about their mother. But give them the benefit of the doubt by suggesting specific actions a few times. If that gets no response, consider yourself an only child as far as caring for Mother goes.
About the sister who didn't respond. I'm guilty of that sometimes because I am just not in the habit of checking my voice mail often. Again, I can't say that applies to your sister, but it is something to consider.
Genevieve, your sibs each had/have a unique relationship with your parents. Apparently it wasn't as caring and close as your relationship, or why would they be indifferent now? Why was it different? Who knows? And maybe they were always indifferent and ungrateful even back then. You probably think that your parents treated you all the same. But that is impossible because you weren't all the same.
This MAY explain their behavior now. But it doesn't matter to you. If they want to explore why they don't feel closer to their mother they can find a psychotherapist. You know how they are now, and you need to accept that and move on. Being angry about it is a waste of perfectly good energy.
You are a good daughter. That is all you have control over. Keep it up!
I'll do my best to care for her (she's 97) because it's the right thing to do. He'll live his selfish life and that's his thing. Not my business. I'm MUCH happier after I let that anger go.
I'm so sorry to hear how hurt you are by your siblings indifference. I know its hard when you are carrying the all the burden and responsibility. You love your mom and want her to have the same attention from all her children. I know you are trying to include them and there is so much indifference.
I did the same thing. I was consumed with anger and resentment at my siblings. I had this anger till the day my dad died. The last months of his life I was arguing with them about what to do. I always felt I did so much and they didn't care enough. It was a terrible cycle to be in. In hindsight, I should have gone for counseling or joined a support group. Or made somehow made myself understand that we all have choices. And sometimes our siblings have made other choices. We don't have to like them or accept them, but we have to let go of the expectation they will care as much as we do. I know it hurts. But we have to in order to protect ourselves from more pain.
See All Answers