How would I get a stubborn family member to start thinking about estate planning/planning for their death?
When my grandparents were in their 70s and 80s, every time any one of us family members brought up the subject of death planning, they immediately tuned us out and said "I'm still in good health. I don't want to talk about that now." We wanted to get them to start thinking about things like purchasing burial plots, pre-purchasing funeral arrangements at a local mortuary, getting their will estate documents, and power of attorney documents in order.
I'm not sure whether this is a cultural thing or not (my family is of Chinese heritage). But now that both grandparents are in their 90s, getting them to do any of this now is like pulling teeth. We don't want to spend tens of thousands of dollars in purchasing all of that for them; they have their own money and we want to express that they should use their money to buy things that they will need and to help us take care of them down the line. However, none of that registers with them and they are more than content with just eating their meals, sleeping all day and watching TV. They say stuff like "You have to take care of us. We don't want to talk about stuff like that right now."
A two-fold question would be: for future reference, how would we start getting family members to start thinking about this stuff even if they don't want to? And second, now that we are in this situation, what can we do? They can barely leave the house (to buy stuff at cemetery, mortuary) and can also barely sign documents (power of attorney, adding beneficiaries, etc.). Even when we do bring them certain documents to sign, they ask what it is over and over again and when we explain it, they say, "I don't want to sign it right now." It is very frustrating. Thoughts?
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One of the things I brought up to mthr when I was trying to get her input on final plans was to introduce it as having heard about a bargain on the radio (I did!). There are companies who accept the deceased remains of people and distribute them for medical research. Instead of costing the 10K or more for a simple burial, the family is only responsible for a memorial service if they want it, and the body is cremated and returned or scattered over the Pacific for no charge. Isn't that a wonderful option? "Yes, saves money." Mthr, you wanted to be cremated, correct? "Good idea but I'm not dead yet." What do you think about donating your body to science? "Not right now, I"m still using it, I'll have to think about it." Since this was the most I have been able to get out of her, I was comfortable setting up the plans utilizing the medical research company. If she fails to qualify (weight, condition), I will have her "direct cremated" for only $1K.
I would even tell the Judge you want my money and to appoint an independent Guardian if I am nuts. Then I would make my Will out to my favorite charity and tell you to go fly a kite. I am 63.
I got my dad to buy a Camry instead of a Corolla that way. I told him he'd worked hard and he deserved to have a nicer car for him and mom. He was very frugal (way to go dad!), but I wanted my folks to use their money to their own benefit. It worked with my dad. So appeal to their egos...also, they can set a good example for their children and grandchildren, which I would think would be respected in your culture.
I don't think it's too much to ask. We are asked to help and given nothing to work with. If we are told to go fly a kite, we would gladly go about our daily lives (it's not like we are begging to care for aging grand/parents).