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How do you get ANYONE to go into treatment against their will?? I think you'll get more helpful suggestions if you tell us more. Is he your relative? Is he exhibiting symptoms? On Medicare? How old? Married? Children? Why does he say he doesn't want to go to the doctor?
The answer to some or all of these questions will help readers to offer more helpful suggestions.
he is a Korean veteran displaying signs of early alzheimers but cannot be reasoned with to see a doctor and my mom is his wife and he carries a loaded gun
Get rid of the loaded gun. Do not go anywhere near where one has to be afraid. Does he drive, take drugs, drink, what are the signs of Alzheimers? It is a danger to give refuge to a woman who has escaped a possible domestic violence situation in her home. Be aware, make plans for yours, your family's, and mother's safety. Make a police report if that is how you can protect yourself. In today's world, we don't want to be reading later about a vet gone berserck and shooting his entire family. What is he doing now? Does he want his wife to come home? While she is with you, you can call Adult Protective Services, and ask for a welfare check in his home. The priority is the gun in the possession of (whatever is wrong with him) this person. Thinking it may be time to take the nuclear option, now that he has been shamed by taking his wife out of the home. She should not go back. I could be wrong.
Your mom (if she is afraid and wants to go home) can be a danger and may need to go to a battered woman's shelter. Let me tell you why. She is in your home, she answers the door, it is her husband, he demands to enter, she is afraid and lets him in....he has the loaded gun.....JUST DO ANYTHING YOU CAN TO AVOID THIS SCENARIO.
Does he have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder?). Is this a new behavior or symptom? Does he have a history of violence? If so, by leaving, your mom and family is in even more danger now. Google online: The cycle of violence. Do not allow your mother to deny the issues and persuade you from doing what is right.
Yes, Babalou, calling 911 is not just a good idea or a suggestion. Is this man your father? You might need to call 911 again if he shows up at your house. This is why the police are justifiably cautious (afraid) in domestic violence cases. You asked how to get him treatment? This is how if he refuses. Is he retired, or works? Does he leave the house? Again, get control of the gun.
Debi, go to Alzheimers on this forum. Start reading about ' Alzheimers Bad Behaviors'. Read about how law enforcement is increasingly mandated to treat patients with this disease differently, more appropiately. I have just read of a case where a man in a nursing home became aggressive and police were called. He was handcuffed and tasered, much to the dismay of the aging care community, laws were passed, now training is required. In many places. I don't understand why professional medical caregivers cannot offer alternatives. One choice would be to administer an instant acting sedative by injection in the case of a patient acting in an aggressive dangerous way. I am thinking now, you should contact the psychiatric evaluation team because the patient who refuses care can be admitted against his will for dangerous behaviors, and then evaluated. Do you think CARRYING A GUN would be dangerous? Don't we need a permit to carry a gun? I don't know. Don't want this man to be a victim. How can we help? A n y o n e ? Debi, can you clarify somewhat?
Are there any children in your home, who may come into contact with a loaded gun? Can you pursue the legal permit issues??? I read that you cannot reason with a person who is ill in this manner. Does he actually have a diagnosis?
Your mom needs professional advice. The solution to her problem is not for amateurs. There is a powder keg filled with emotion here that needs to be addressed by people much better qualified than anyone on this site. If she is afraid to go home, I think she should call a battered woman's shelter for council.
I see SendMe had the same idea which strengthens my opinion. I don't think she should be staying at your home.
Your mom may need protection. Only she knows that. But I would hesitate ramping this up to a nuclear option without professional advice. Remember folks. Things like restraining orders do NOTHING to protect a woman from someone like this. And nothing has been said about this man having broken any laws...or threatening poster's mom at all.
We simply aren't qualified, in my opinion. Don't take offense. Just my personal two cents.
Maggie, I understand that you think that counsel should be sought. But it's not that the man HAS a loaded gun, it is stated that he CARRIES a loaded gun. Those are two different things, in my experience.
I am not so worried about the wife, who is at a remove from the situation. I'm worried about the 3 year old Asian kid next door. The police should be informed about this situation. It's Sunday, and at least where I live in Brooklyn, that means calling 911 and explaining the situation to the responder.
And no, I don't take offense at anyone differing with my opinion, ever.
Maggie, you are correct, no offense taken. One of our AC experts had posted, answering the gun carrying question. (Carol) The advice was to disable the gun, remove the ammunition, remove the pin from the gun, or take the gun awy. Do not hide it in anyone's house. Do this before the authorities show up at your door and someone gets hurt. Contact any professional who is a mandated reporter at this point.
A CCW permit authorizes someone to carry a concealed weapon; I don't know however if it authorizes someone to carry a loaded gun. Big difference.
And because this man is carrying a loaded gun is why I would be on the phone to 911 NOW to ask the police to come and disarm him or disable the weapon. That would actually be the first step I'd take.
If he's filed for and is getting assistance from the VA, call his PC team/doctor and ask for assistance. The VA is screening a lot more for depression, and even though he may not have that, there are protocols in place to deal with someone who has become unstable.
What branch of service did he serve in? Although I've never worked with them, I understand that the branches have their own support and crisis management groups. I can't offer any more information on that other than that I've read about the service branches addressing the PTSD issues more now than in past years.
A CCW allows someone to carry a loaded gon. Why would one bother getting a permit to carry one that WASNT loaded? At any rate, I live in Illinois. It is the most difficult state in the U.S. In which to obtain a CCW. I have one. And I assure you my gun is loaded and in a holster on my belt.
You know, I keep thinking about my elderly WWII vet uncle who had undiagnosed dementia. Anytime there was a war movie on TV, or a news report of violence ANYWHERE in the world, you could find him running up and down his block, trying to rally the troops and fight the enemy. No he didn't have any weapons, thank heavens. Because he would have shot the Japanese neighbor. He would also have shot the EMTS who came to take my aunt to the hospital with a broken hip, after she lay, untreated, with him in the house ("she's fine, I just pull her around on this little rug, see?--he said to my cousin) . And yes, he tried to keep the EMTS from "taking her away". Because his brain was broken and he no longer understood what was real and what was not.
So yeah, I'd call 911 to have them get the gun away from him.
Let's see....Father has early Alzheimer's, won't agree to see a doctor, carries a loaded weapon, Mother is afraid to be in the home and is taking shelter with her daughter....
Anyone who comes to the house could be in danger, especially if he doesn't recognize people.
Yes, I think calling 911 is a high priority.
Let's just hope Debi comes back and sees these posts. So often the original poster never returns.
Thanks to everyone posting to assist a stranger, and we are wishing her well whether we hear from her or not. I am sure because of all of you, she is getting help right away for her father.
Does he literally carry a loaded gun at ALL times????If you are afraid he will do something if the cops are called. Is there a way to get him out of the house without it and you can go in and remove it? Call him and tell him to meet you or his wife somewhere...doctors office/hospital-tell him someone had an accident? I don't think he would bring a gun there? Even if you don't meet him there it gets him out of the house for you to get the gun??? Just a thought.....then take it to the police dept explain the situation.Then if the wife is still afraid call 211 or 911 they can take him in for a hold and evaluate him if he is dangerous and needs counseling! The wife should not lose her home over this! Best of luck and please stay safe!
The Police could end up shooting your dad because they will think he is dangerous...does he have a buddy., who he trusts and could get the weapon away from him first ??? This needs to be handled with thought and great care, so he does not get hurt...or anyone else ..
I would go personnally to your local police department. Take a report from his doctor. Is the gun registered and he is allowed to carry? The police maybe able to confiscate it. Don't call 911, they will just put u thru to the local police department. Itss hard to express and get across what u need to by phone. Your Mom should not go home.
Call the VA and you can take his spouse in and she is qualified to receive services, if she is in harm because he had PTSD the VA has HomeHealth social workers and Nurses that will come to the home and try to help him get connected with the right treatment plan.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The answer to some or all of these questions will help readers to offer more helpful suggestions.
Do not go anywhere near where one has to be afraid.
Does he drive, take drugs, drink, what are the signs of Alzheimers?
It is a danger to give refuge to a woman who has escaped a possible domestic violence situation in her home. Be aware, make plans for yours, your family's, and mother's safety. Make a police report if that is how you can protect yourself.
In today's world, we don't want to be reading later about a vet gone berserck and shooting his entire family. What is he doing now? Does he want his wife to come home? While she is with you, you can call Adult Protective Services, and ask for a welfare check in his home. The priority is the gun in the possession of (whatever is wrong with him) this person.
Thinking it may be time to take the nuclear option, now that he has been shamed by taking his wife out of the home. She should not go back.
I could be wrong.
Frankly, in your shoes, I'd call 911. A dementia patient with a loaded gun is a tragedy waiting to happen. I'm glad your mother is safe with you.
No, calling 911 is NOT over-reacting. Explain the situation to the operator, that he has dementia and that your mother fears for her life.
Do not allow your mother to deny the issues and persuade you from doing what is right.
Is this man your father?
You might need to call 911 again if he shows up at your house. This is why the police are justifiably cautious (afraid) in domestic violence cases.
You asked how to get him treatment? This is how if he refuses.
Is he retired, or works? Does he leave the house? Again, get control of the gun.
Time is of the essence.
I have just read of a case where a man in a nursing home became aggressive and police were called. He was handcuffed and tasered, much to the dismay of the aging care community, laws were passed, now training is required. In many places. I don't understand why professional medical caregivers cannot offer alternatives. One choice would be to administer an instant acting sedative by injection in the case of a patient acting in an aggressive dangerous way. I am thinking now, you should contact the psychiatric evaluation team because the patient who refuses care can be admitted against his will for dangerous behaviors, and then evaluated. Do you think CARRYING A GUN would be dangerous? Don't we need a permit to carry a gun? I don't know.
Don't want this man to be a victim. How can we help?
A n y o n e ? Debi, can you clarify somewhat?
I read that you cannot reason with a person who is ill in this manner. Does he actually have a diagnosis?
I see SendMe had the same idea which strengthens my opinion. I don't think she should be staying at your home.
Your mom may need protection. Only she knows that. But I would hesitate ramping this up to a nuclear option without professional advice. Remember folks. Things like restraining orders do NOTHING to protect a woman from someone like this. And nothing has been said about this man having broken any laws...or threatening poster's mom at all.
We simply aren't qualified, in my opinion. Don't take offense. Just my personal two cents.
I am not so worried about the wife, who is at a remove from the situation. I'm worried about the 3 year old Asian kid next door. The police should be informed about this situation. It's Sunday, and at least where I live in Brooklyn, that means calling 911 and explaining the situation to the responder.
And no, I don't take offense at anyone differing with my opinion, ever.
And because this man is carrying a loaded gun is why I would be on the phone to 911 NOW to ask the police to come and disarm him or disable the weapon. That would actually be the first step I'd take.
If he's filed for and is getting assistance from the VA, call his PC team/doctor and ask for assistance. The VA is screening a lot more for depression, and even though he may not have that, there are protocols in place to deal with someone who has become unstable.
What branch of service did he serve in? Although I've never worked with them, I understand that the branches have their own support and crisis management groups. I can't offer any more information on that other than that I've read about the service branches addressing the PTSD issues more now than in past years.
So yeah, I'd call 911 to have them get the gun away from him.
Anyone who comes to the house could be in danger, especially if he doesn't recognize people.
Yes, I think calling 911 is a high priority.
Let's just hope Debi comes back and sees these posts. So often the original poster never returns.