My father we think needs to downsize and move from h2 two story condo to a ground floor. He is shaky and shouldn't be driving. Not sure where to begin to find him a place as he is not interested in moving or giving up his car keys. just want to do preventative investigative work to see options.
Start looking into assisted living. If you know his financial situation, be prepared to approach him with #1 a choice of two facilities; #2 how he will finance it; #3 an offer to tour both of them with no strings attached on his end.
Do your homework up front. Very important.
As for walking up three flights of stairs, what issues does your Dad have that you think he shouldn't be climbing stairs? Shaky people can still hang onto the stair railings to use the stairs. But I can understand your concern. Your Dad will know when it is time to move into a condo that has an elevator, and time to call you to drive him somewhere.
Can you get his Doctor to write a letter saying he cannot drive? It doesn't sink in with my mother. I'm 2 years into caring for my mother in her home. Two years of multiple doctors trying to tell her she cannot drive due to her medical condition. I tried to talk to her but it fell on deaf ears. She also needs to downsize for financial reasons. She is not leaving her home and the driving thing is still an issue. My brother took over her car (just started driving it) and when he comes to her home he doesn't park it in her garage. She called the police on and off for over a year and still threatens to call them when my brother refuses to giver her the keys to her car.
We don't have POA and are just waiting for the worst so that we can actually do something. It's like watching paint dry.
If Dad is of sound mind all you can do is try and convince him to quit driving and to move to a more suitable place. If the driving is dangerous to him and the public it has to stop no matter what.
Do you home work. Finances? POA? Will? Medicare Medicaid? Is he going to need supervision?
It was my Dad's doctor who told Dad he cannot drive anymore, and Dad took the doctor's word. But every now and then, whenever I just couldn't take time off from work to drive my parents, Dad would say he was getting back behind the wheel to drive. Talk about stress big time as I was afraid he would actually be driving.
When Dr D told mom she could no longer drive, she accepted it nicely and said she doesn't really like to drive. I was elated!
No sooner than we got home she forgot all about that conversation. She said that her memory is fine and her driving is too. I stole the keys and she was frantically looking for them and fell, miracle she didn't get hurt.
My parents always wanted me to drive their behemoth sized Olds, and I would try everything in the book not to have to drive it.... it was like trying to steer a large dining room table down the road.
My Dad [94] now lives in a retirement community, and it is interesting watching this one gentleman go out to start his car every day... he wouldn't drive it anywhere, just sit in the vehicle for awhile. Cool looking vehicle, and you could see the smile on his face. There is something about a car that still gives an elder the feeling of "freedom".
Why do you think he shouldn't drive?
Why is climbing stairs bad for him?
It would be easier to respond if we knew these things.
I would get the doctor to write a note that he can't drive, have the DMV revoke his license and take his car away. Only trouble is - then you will have to figure out who will drive him places. What worked with my mother, we first took her to tour the independent living facility and she liked it (temporarily) and agreed to sign up - that gave us the segway we needed to get her out of her house.
At some point the car will have to be driven to be sold or disposed of. Old folks will call to get things fixed, buy a new car etc. so those avenues must be cut off.
But there's no need to do expensive damage to the tires or engine.
Just pop the hood. There will be an electrical box, usually near the battery which has fuses and relays. The underside of the cover will have an index to the circuits. Relays are little black cubes that simply plug in. The best on to pull is the STARTER relay. It may also be labeled CRANKING CIRCUIT.
Pull this relay and make sure the car will not start. It should now be stone cold dead. Hide the relay for later when the care is to be taken away.